Help....should i stay or go??????? (house, employment, to buy)

[TAB3365]

I am a single mom of 2 teenage girls. I have lived in the same area all of my life and my family & friends are here. I have made all the right sacrifices for my children and have revolved my life around them....with no regrets. After several years of divorce I met and fell in love with wonderful man. We were together 2 years and making plans for the future when his job relocated him to another state. He's been gone a little over a year and we see each other about once a month. He has been asking me to relocate for several months now along with my two children. I can easily get a job making more money and together we would like to buy a house and enjoy the rest of our years together. There are great opportunities for me there...which will only provided better opportunities for my children. I am struggling finanacially where I am now and may have to move anyway into a smaller home. My issue is my children. They are very torn about leaving their family and friends and their father. I have assured them the will make knew friends and will see their father and family as much as possible. This decision is causing a great deal of stress in my life as well as in my household. I don't want to wait until the kids finish school....which is 5 years away. But I don't want to destroy my kids in the process. I would appreciate any thoughts on this issue

[beilart]

Rule of thumb....your kids are going to grow up and move away and your new hubby will still be with you when they are gone. Why wait 5 years to be happy when in 5 years the kids will be gone and won't give one thought about your happiness. It's what kids do....grow up, move away, forget about parents until it is necessary or convenient for them.

[westsideboy]

Kids generally follow their parent's examples in life, whether they want to admit it or not. If kids witness their parents moving away from the family homestead, more focused on jobs and money than community and family, they will follow suit. If kids are raised around extended family, in a community where they have roots, they are more likely to stay around, or at least keep in touch. Sorry, no stats to back me up here, just some observations from a 9th generation local who sees his mommy and daddy at least once a week

[Sweetpea79]

Your kids should be the priority right now, since they aren't old enough to be on their own. Don't jump because you want to be with him and can't afford the place you are at now. I agree /w westsideboy in that your kids are at the prime age where they will learn from your examples. If they want to stay, it's best you listen to that. Maybe their dad will take them, but if they went with him, and you left to go with your new man, what impression would that give your girls? Not the best one I'm sure.

Wherever your new man is living, you have to consider, can you get a new job quickly and be on your feet, or does he make enough to support you, and/or your kids if they came with you?Personally, if I were in your shoes, I'd be downsizing to a smaller house, stay around with the kids, and wait till your man put a ring on your finger before you jump ship. I wouldn't wait 5 years to make a decision, however you are in situation where you may not be able to move.

All of your 2nd guessing on here signals a "red flag", so pay attention to that. BTW...Who says you should be the one to move and do all the work...make sure he's doing something too.

[Mdtransplant]

Children are extremely resilient...if they see that you are happy and content with your decision, they will come around. When you say "planning for the future", did that include marriage? I would not move my entire life to be with a man unless we were married and he was the best choice for me and my children. The fact that you didn't go with him/marry him after two years of blissfull togetherness makes me question your/his commitment. Maybe you hesitated because it didn't feel right?

[teleblazer]

So basicly you're unhappy where you are, you will probably have to move (uproot your family life) anyway so you can afford the basic things you need in life and you're miserable that the man you wish to be with wants you there and you didn't go.

It sounds pretty concrete to me. Your children will have friendships after they move and even make more. Yeah they will whine and complain (aka Drama) like it's the end of their world leaving who they know but guess what? Change happens in real life and the more that your children understand that change isn't a bad (just a different) thing the easier it will be when they are on their own.

Teenage girls tend to drift away from mom for a while then they return and the bond is stronger than ever. It's boys that usually move away and you're lucky to see them again so you actually have a decent situation if staying close with your kids in the long run is your goal.

Putting on my practical hat I'd recommend that since you need to make a change and can't really afford the lifestyle you're in now it only makes sense to move. When you are in a situation that you can't provide the basics in life for your children pretty soon you won't be able to afford the fun parts nevermind the luxuries in life either.

You and your ex- (their father) had a relationship, but you have moved on. The kids, while they may not like it, will have to face the fact that you guys lead separate lives now. I am willing to bet he's not sticking around just to be near you...he's found stability and some happiness elsewhere...why sell yourself short?

[TAB3365]

WOW....teleblazer, the first line you wrote describes exactly whats going on. And....I'm already having trouble providing the basics for my family....some fun and all luxuries are long gone.

I appreciate everyones opinions!!!!!

[RaisedWell]

Go!

[Mom21]

Stay! Your children and their well-being should be your priority. This is an EXTREMELY critical time in your girl's lives. If he didn't put a ring on your finger before he left, and has not done so to this point, move on with your life.

[lscalder]

This is a hard decision you have to make since your children are no longer babies. What you do not want to happen is your girls rebelling against you if you do move. They might feel you choose this man over them. I would stay since my family are all close by. You will be moving to a place with no family/new area/a guy who is not your husband and you do not have a job. Maybe you might be rushing the situation.

Why not find employment first before moving. The problem with moving to a new state with kids/no job and a place you do not own to live with a boyfriend is what if you two broke up then what.

Have you been to the area where your boyfriend lives to see if you like it or maybe bring the girls they might change their minds once they see the area.