sometimes want to move back to memphis (Bartlett, Germantown: fit in, transplants)
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I moved away from Memphis when I was about 20. I am now in my early 30s. Sometimes, I get very homesick. I have idealized Memphis quite a lot.. It's funny how human psychology works. Even people who grew up in Mumbai slums get homesick, apparently.
I just decided to search for 'moving to Memphis' on Google and saw this particular forum come up in the search results. I am posting on here in hopes of getting some logical input from people who actually live in Memphis now -- hopefully transplants from other places, etc.
Here is my story.. I grew up lower middle class in the Hickory Hill area. When I was 20, I decided to move away. I got lucky and managed to make quite a lot of money -- enough to retire/earn passive income and still live extremely extremely well in Memphis, but not so much so where we live now.
I have a wife and a few kids now and sometimes I get ridiculously homesick and have a yearning to move back to Memphis. I have lived in some of the largest cities in the world since I have been away (we live in central London now), and while the world has a lot of good things to offer, no where really feels like home.
My wife is from a place very different to Memphis, and she finds the idea of moving there somewhat distasteful, but she is supportive and if I really wanted to move, she would oblige.
Growing up rather poor, I always have money related anxiety (afraid of going broke/being destitute) and if I moved to Memphis, those anxieties would be completely eliminated. In London, it costs over $1mil per year, after tax, to live (rent for 5 bedroom apartment in good area = $50k/mo, private school tuition = $40k/yr per kid, etc). As a comparison, the most expensive house for sale in Memphis right now (as per Trulia) is less than $4mil. $4mil in London will get you a decent 3 bed apartment if you are lucky.
I am really posting on here to figure out how much I have idealized being a poor kid growing up and seeing the nicer parts of town thinking 'oh wow maybe one day I can live here.. ' etc.
Am I crazy?? What sort of lifestyle is there in Memphis? When I visit, I drive through the Shady Grove neighborhood and other parts of East Memphis and it looks so nice and wholesome. And practically, it's SO CHEAP in comparison to what you get elsewhere.. that area of Memphis is really so nice.
Has anyone on this forum moved from a major city to Memphis? What is your take on it? What's the lifestyle like, what are the private schools like, etc? My wife just keeps saying that there are (collectively) no dynamic people in Memphis and she is really worried about making friends. Our friends over here are mostly ivy/Oxbridge educated early to late 30s professionals -- ibanking/finance, journalism, medicine and other typical people you would find in big cities. She thinks that Memphis' wealthier crowd is packed full of passive aggressive judgmental Southern women and their obliging husbands. We watched the movie 'Blindside' and she said the restaurant scene with the expensive salads basically summed up the idea she has in her head (if any of you have seen this movie).
I know I am insane but I just can't get Memphis out of my head. Please help!
Your post leaves me confused on a number of issues. Do I understand that you are independently wealthy and not in need of work? Do you have family in Memphis?
Memphis has not changed much in the last ten years. If you lived here a decade ago, you won't be surprised.
I'm not much for giving advice, but I'm going to go out on a limb here. If your wife is from the UK, has family in the UK, loves living in the UK, and wants to continue living in the UK, why in the heck would want to disrupt that by bringing her to a place where she has zero connections? Trying to read between the lines, it appears that you may not even have any connections in Memphis anymore. I understand the urge to romanticize that which is familiar when things aren't going so well where you are. Trust me, I've been there, done that. In fact, to some extent, I still do it now as I transition into life in Nashville. Wonderful as Memphis is, though, it's probably not a good idea to up and move your family to an entirely different continent based on your romanticizing.
If you need a job, they're difficult to find in Memphis. If you're well-off enough to not need a job, there are places in the US that are much more cosmopolitan and would probably make your wife happier. That being said, I'll simply refer you back to my previous paragraph.
Best wishes.
Edited to add: If you can afford all those things in London you mentioned, then you're not a 'homeless person,' and your choice of that screen name is a bit insulting to those who are truly homeless. Think about the way you're characterizing yourself. Go to youtube and look for Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeros. "Home is wherever I'm with you."
I know what you mean regarding that feeling that you no longer live in a place to which you feel as connected as you once did for whatever reason. Many years ago my company moved me from Memphis and the next four or five places to which I relocated didn't have the friends, the fun, the community personality I had known, and even though re-starting in new locations was good for personal development and my career at the time, nothing filled the void of that place and time. When I finally made my way back, also bringing with me a reluctant wife like you, I did eventually move in more satisfying directions because I was doing so in my city where I cared what happened and how it impacted the image and quality of life for these citizens. To get there I had to have the wonderful self sacrifice of my companion who was not convinced about the place, but put my happiness ahead of her comfort zone. Now if you were to ask her, she never did agree that it was the most fabulous decision for her, but because of the move into my world she had a chance to show what she could do in my industry where she is now well respected as a leader, and after a few rocky twists and turns I am finally drilling down on the location and position where I want to be in the city I want to do it in. The friends and socially gratifying experiences come when you make and earn them, and there could be more than you have time to deal with if you (both of you) open up and resolve to give your talents and abilities to the people and community around you, not sit back and judge the "image" of that community and wait for one which is in an acceptable social strata before you allow yourself to be happy. In the long run neither one of you can reach this locational happiness without sacrificing something for the other at some point. I'm just happy my wife did so for me. Good luck!
I moved away from Memphis when I was about 20. I am now in my early 30s. Sometimes, I get very homesick. I have idealized Memphis quite a lot.. It's funny how human psychology works. Even people who grew up in Mumbai slums get homesick, apparently.
I just decided to search for 'moving to Memphis' on Google and saw this particular forum come up in the search results. I am posting on here in hopes of getting some logical input from people who actually live in Memphis now -- hopefully transplants from other places, etc.
Here is my story.. I grew up lower middle class in the Hickory Hill area. When I was 20, I decided to move away. I got lucky and managed to make quite a lot of money -- enough to retire/earn passive income and still live extremely extremely well in Memphis, but not so much so where we live now.
I have a wife and a few kids now and sometimes I get ridiculously homesick and have a yearning to move back to Memphis. I have lived in some of the largest cities in the world since I have been away (we live in central London now), and while the world has a lot of good things to offer, no where really feels like home.
My wife is from a place very different to Memphis, and she finds the idea of moving there somewhat distasteful, but she is supportive and if I really wanted to move, she would oblige.
Growing up rather poor, I always have money related anxiety (afraid of going broke/being destitute) and if I moved to Memphis, those anxieties would be completely eliminated. In London, it costs over $1mil per year, after tax, to live (rent for 5 bedroom apartment in good area = $50k/mo, private school tuition = $40k/yr per kid, etc). As a comparison, the most expensive house for sale in Memphis right now (as per Trulia) is less than $4mil. $4mil in London will get you a decent 3 bed apartment if you are lucky.
I am really posting on here to figure out how much I have idealized being a poor kid growing up and seeing the nicer parts of town thinking 'oh wow maybe one day I can live here.. ' etc.
Am I crazy?? What sort of lifestyle is there in Memphis? When I visit, I drive through the Shady Grove neighborhood and other parts of East Memphis and it looks so nice and wholesome. And practically, it's SO CHEAP in comparison to what you get elsewhere.. that area of Memphis is really so nice.
Has anyone on this forum moved from a major city to Memphis? What is your take on it? What's the lifestyle like, what are the private schools like, etc? My wife just keeps saying that there are (collectively) no dynamic people in Memphis and she is really worried about making friends. Our friends over here are mostly ivy/Oxbridge educated early to late 30s professionals -- ibanking/finance, journalism, medicine and other typical people you would find in big cities. She thinks that Memphis' wealthier crowd is packed full of passive aggressive judgmental Southern women and their obliging husbands. We watched the movie 'Blindside' and she said the restaurant scene with the expensive salads basically summed up the idea she has in her head (if any of you have seen this movie).
I know I am insane but I just can't get Memphis out of my head. Please help!
If your wife isn't happy about it, right now. Why not buy a nice home in a nice area for a vacation home. It sounds like you could possibly afford it.That would give you that Memphis that you need and just work it slowly maybe she will get to love it too. But I would check out everything (schools, location,etc) just like I was going to live there full time. Just in case, you will be ready. Since it will be a vacation home to start with a gated community might be a good idea. Just an idea. Good luck in whatever you do.
Well, I completely understand your feelings on missing Memphis. I also left Memphis about 14 years ago and moved to another town due to job opportunites. The town I live in is very small compared to Memphis and I have never felt at home here. I grew up in Memphis and I think sometimes when you are young your perspective on life is so different as you get older. You make friends easier when you are young, you don't have big goals when you are young, and usually you are happier even if you don't have much money.
We visit Memphis all the time, so I do get my "fix". The Green Line and Shelby Farms improvements have made a great contribution to outside activities in Memphis. The current mayor of Memphis has been trying to turn so many things around that were in such disarray due to the prior leadership in Memphis.
That being said, I would not move back to Memphis. It is not the same place to live as it was 15 or more years ago.
You might have "fit in" many years ago, but I wonder if you would fit in now?
It sounds like you are financially secure and maybe you were much happier when you did not have that kind of money? Just saying.
Even I look back..... when money was scarce.... I was very happy.
Has anyone on this forum moved from a major city to Memphis? What is your take on it? What's the lifestyle like, what are the private schools like, etc? My wife just keeps saying that there are (collectively) no dynamic people in Memphis and she is really worried about making friends. Our friends over here are mostly ivy/Oxbridge educated early to late 30s professionals -- ibanking/finance, journalism, medicine and other typical people you would find in big cities. She thinks that Memphis' wealthier crowd is packed full of passive aggressive judgmental Southern women and their obliging husbands. We watched the movie 'Blindside' and she said the restaurant scene with the expensive salads basically summed up the idea she has in her head (if any of you have seen this movie).
I moved to Memphis after growing up in the New York area and then St. Louis, and after going to college in Chicago. Moving to Memphis wasn't entirely a new experience to me, since a lot my mother's family lives here (mostly in the Shady Grove area you mentioned) and I've visited periodically throughout my life.
As many others on this forum have probably figured out through my conversational subtleties, I do not like Memphis at all. I could take all night listing my grievances, but I will just stick to the major points.
You asked about the lifestyle--it's very unsatisfying for a 25 year old well-to-do professional like myself. This isn't a town for the type of people I knew in college who aspired to work for Goldman Sachs or whatever and had a real drive for hard work and success. Most young professionals here have some boring but respectable job that they are happy with as long as they can afford preppy clothes and go get drunk with their frat brothers from Ole Miss. For people like me, who have essentially tried to build their life around work and professional success, you discover that Memphis is pretty much a dead end. I know I could do so much more with my talents, but the opportunities just aren't here, because people here don't care about those opportunities.
Aside from work--the dining here is absolutely fantastic. Great food, and it seems like a great new restaurant is opening every week. The bad news is that aside from dining nightlife is horrible. You have some ok bars downtown or midtown, basically no respectable clubs. Again, you have what people here want--somewhere to drink bud light and listen to lame band play the blues--but not much outlet for someone who likes a modern, urban scene.
Your wife's assessment of Memphis' upper class is pretty accurate. These are basically the people I interact with, through family and personal connections. It's not all bad--it's how I got my job--but I definitely agree that people here are shallow and judgmental in so many ways, and have bizarre social priorities that seem archaic. It's just all so pointless to me. Everything is a facade, but I don't understand for what. Do I want my kids growing up with this stuff?--No, and I don't really like dealing with it myself (being Jewish doesn't help, either).
Private schools seem like they're really good. My cousins, with whom I am pretty close, went to MUS and St. Mary's and always have very good things to say about them. They all went on to very good colleges, and still keep up with their high school friends very closely. Unfortunately private schools will put you right in the center of upper class Memphis society bull****, so watch out for that.
Aside from that, the city has no money, there are decrepit abandoned buildings everywhere, the roads are pretty much the worst I've ever experienced, local politics is like a corrupt African country, and so on and so forth.
This isn't a town for the type of people I knew in college who aspired to work for Goldman Sachs or whatever and had a real drive for hard work and success.
/rant
Living in a town that's not full of folks who aspired to work for Goldman Sachs and its definition of success sounds like a win to me.
Come to Memphis for a visit and bring your family. I've lived in many places too and currently live in Cordova (suburban but incorporated into Memphis in the last few years). We were transferred here for my husband's job. Now that we're divorced and he's been moved to another state I can leave. Memphis is still racially divided. As a New York City raised person I hate that. I used to go to the various fairs they have here and I wondered why there were few blacks attending. I heard it was a history behind that. See what I mean? Memphis has lost annual events to Mississippi (Midsouth Fair) or they just closed (Libertyland). It's not growing.
I like Cordova, Germantown and Bartlett but Memphis is dead. You can use Madison Avenue as a freeway because there's so little traffic and most businesses are gone. Beale Street is fine but come on, it's what 2 blocks long and mostly full of places to drink alcohol. It's only busy a few months of the year. Memphis is boring and hotter than hell in the summer. There are no beaches or good parks. What it did have it's lost. I'm planning to move back to New York. If you have no family here what do you miss? Don't pick up your family and move here before you thoroughly investigate life in Memphis vs life in London. Don't make your family hate you.
Come to Memphis for a visit and bring your family. I've lived in many places too and currently live in Cordova (suburban but incorporated into Memphis in the last few years). We were transferred here for my husband's job. Now that we're divorced and he's been moved to another state I can leave. Memphis is still racially divided. As a New York City raised person I hate that. I used to go to the various fairs they have here and I wondered why there were few blacks attending. I heard it was a history behind that. See what I mean? Memphis has lost annual events to Mississippi (Midsouth Fair) or they just closed (Libertyland). It's not growing.
I like Cordova, Germantown and Bartlett but Memphis is dead. You can use Madison Avenue as a freeway because there's so little traffic and most businesses are gone. Beale Street is fine but come on, it's what 2 blocks long and mostly full of places to drink alcohol. It's only busy a few months of the year. Memphis is boring and hotter than hell in the summer. There are no beaches or good parks. What it did have it's lost. I'm planning to move back to New York. If you have no family here what do you miss? Don't pick up your family and move here before you thoroughly investigate life in Memphis vs life in London. Don't make your family hate you.
I seriously disagree with mostly everything in your post, but I really don't want to point out anything but ask you this..what makes Memphis boring to you? Most people I ask this tell me the samething,(plus they do the same stuff over and over) and I always tell them...what is it you can't do here that you can do anywhere else. Not too much, Memphis has plenty to do and going on..
No, there are no beaches in Memphis. I'll give you that one.
To say that Cordova is great but Memphis is dead? That's simply not true. The city of Memphis has a ton of stuff going on. Either it's stuff that doesn't interest you, or you just haven't put forth the effort to find it, or you're already bitter and unhappy here so you don't care.
But to anyone who is moving here...of course Memphis has it's problems, but being "boring" is NOT one of them.
Quote:
Originally Posted by psi2007
Come to Memphis for a visit and bring your family. I've lived in many places too and currently live in Cordova (suburban but incorporated into Memphis in the last few years). We were transferred here for my husband's job. Now that we're divorced and he's been moved to another state I can leave. Memphis is still racially divided. As a New York City raised person I hate that. I used to go to the various fairs they have here and I wondered why there were few blacks attending. I heard it was a history behind that. See what I mean? Memphis has lost annual events to Mississippi (Midsouth Fair) or they just closed (Libertyland). It's not growing.
I like Cordova, Germantown and Bartlett but Memphis is dead. You can use Madison Avenue as a freeway because there's so little traffic and most businesses are gone. Beale Street is fine but come on, it's what 2 blocks long and mostly full of places to drink alcohol. It's only busy a few months of the year. Memphis is boring and hotter than hell in the summer. There are no beaches or good parks. What it did have it's lost. I'm planning to move back to New York. If you have no family here what do you miss? Don't pick up your family and move here before you thoroughly investigate life in Memphis vs life in London. Don't make your family hate you.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Homesick for Memphis
