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that's cool. I knew it wouldn't be a popular post; but hey I put myself out there and tell it like I see it. True to myself beyond all else. I just can't see being so miserable; then getting pregnant on top of that and hubby being so insensitive. Too much!!! I've become selfish as I got older. Lived with an abusive husband for far too long and once I began working on my the emotional trauma of that I came to the realization that I alone am responsible for my happiness. I am the leader of my destiny. I will be as reasonable as I can but will not give into something I don't want or choose not to do. Life is fleeting. But honestly if this lady is as sad as she seems then THAT is ripping her family apart anyway. Kids feel; truly feel emotions parents are feeling. I wish her good luck but seems like at this point she's gonna have to grin and bear her pain alone.
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Originally Posted by Sam I Am
Can't exactly endorse that one, northernexposure....you're talking about tearing a family apart under the "men come and go" idea. Which would be fine if they were just dating or something, but not an entire marriage. Been divorced twice. Wouldn't recommend it to anyone. If I could do one thing over in my life, although my third husband is one of the BEST things to ever happen to me in my life, considering the hell my kids and my first ex and I went through, I would have sucked it up, been a big girl, realized I made a commitment, and at least given it a great college try. It all worked out for me in the end, but there were some rocky years in there and a lot of emotional upheaval. Time has made me understand the problems my first husband and I faced were not insurmountable, they just needed to be worked on really hard. It just seemed to be the path of least resistance to say "oops, I give up" and walk away, leaving all of us with scars that have healed but will always leave a mark on us. Unless there is serious mental or any kind of physical abuse (in which case I say get out now), we owe it to our mate and ourselves to know we have given every effort to carry through on the commitment we made. We are the disposable society - if it doesn't work just right, throw it out and get a new one. That's not always a good answer. Works with paper towels and old sheets, but we're talking an entire family, memories, and promises here.
I do believe you have to find peace with yourself first of all, and a comfort zone. If you don't like/love yourself, it's difficult to make anyone else see the positives. The OP needs to be on a path of self-awareness and finding her happiness within herself, within her own soul, within who SHE is. You don't just up and walk away because things aren't just right. There may be bigger issues in this marriage, but dissolving on the basis of what we've been told? Nope. There's a huge difference between loving yourself and being selfish.
that's cool. I knew it wouldn't be a popular post; but hey I put myself out there and tell it like I see it. True to myself beyond all else. I just can't see being so miserable; then getting pregnant on top of that and hubby being so insensitive. Too much!!! I've become selfish as I got older. Lived with an abusive husband for far too long and once I began working on my the emotional trauma of that I came to the realization that I alone am responsible for my happiness. I am the leader of my destiny. I will be as reasonable as I can but will not give into something I don't want or choose not to do. Life is fleeting. But honestly if this lady is as sad as she seems then THAT is ripping her family apart anyway. Kids feel; truly feel emotions parents are feeling. I wish her good luck but seems like at this point she's gonna have to grin and bear her pain alone.
NE, I see what you're saying and have posted positive points for you for your honesty and your point/counterpoint view. Abuse is one thing - I don't know that we've heard the whole story, but so far abuse it is not....two people coming from different corners, absolutely. And I'm thinking maybe you're older than this poster....as we get older, not only do we decide what we can and can't live with based on life experience, but also on the ability to make it by ourselves or raising children alone. It's just a lot easier for me to say I won't do something or put up with crap now than it was 30 years ago because I'm financially and emotionally developed enough to be able to back my words up with actions; I have no children at home - it would be me and dear spouse splitting the blanket. I absolutely agree with you that the kids are understanding as much or more than we realize, but the problem that she's stated is all location oriented. You may not be thrilled to be where you are, but for the sake of your family you may need to (as you say) grin and bear it until something else pops up....and that is where she needs to find something that will satisfy her, that is hers and hers alone, that gives her peace and joy. Sometimes you can make a lot of the bad disappear by immersing yourself in the good......or at least things won't look so bad if you have something to look forward to rather than dwelling on the negatives. I'd rather be unhappy with my location and suck it up for the good of the family than split the kids off from their dad because I was having a long bout of homesickness....sometimes life just changes and we have to roll with it and let the past go in order to move forward.
To the OP. I can relate. My marriage fell apart when I told my h. how much I was bored/hate Tennessee. We relocated sight unseen- he transferred with his job.
The arguments would go round and round (pick yourself up by the bootstraps and just do it- lol- that theory doesnt work for me)
I have major depression plus live in an isolated area- not a good combination. Nice house and all, that doesnt make a life. Marriage is hard even without relocation problems. Hope it helps to know you are not alone.
I agree about not tearing the family apart unless it's absolutely necessary and al other options have been exhausted. Children do better in two-parent families; that's a fact. CityGirl, maybe you could take one or two trips a year to a sunnier place when it gets really bad in Seattle? Even if it's the econo-trip in a Motel 6 somewhere, as long as there's sunshine, who cares? I'm sorry that you're so miserable, and I really hope that you feel better soon!
OMG Sam I Am, what a brilliant post! I was feeling a lot like City Girl after recloating from the Midwest to OC, California. I happen to like Arkanasas a lot! Sam-I-Am, why don't you move to the OC & be my best friend!!!
This might sound a bit airy-fairy to some of you, but not all locations are vibrationally equal. I am referring to a concept known as relocation astrology. According to this concept, when you change locations, your chart also changes for better or worse. For CityGirl72, Seattle seems to be a place that offers many challenging situatons for her to deal with, whereas her previous location seemed to offer a more harmonious road for her to travel upon. I suspect that an analysis of her astrology chart would bear this out.
In the realm of sports I've seen it again and again where a player is a superstar in one place and a becomes just an averag Joe after getting traded to a new team in a different part of the country, and I've seen it in reverse as well. The baseball player, Ken Grifey comes to mind. In Seattle he could do no wrong. He stayed healthy and had some of the best years that any baseball player in the history of the game ever experienced. Since he got traded to Cincinatti, he's been frequently injured and his production has gone way down. He is still a superstar in my mind, but his light in not shining as brightly as it did in Seattle.
I personally made a big move recently from Virginia Beach where just about everything I did was a struggle for me, to western Colorado where everything seems to flow very easily for me. I chose this location based partly on the favorable astrology for me in this neck of the woods. Of course there were other factors as well. Interestingly all of the places on my list of potential new hometowns offered more favorable astrological influences than I had in Virginia Beach. It's like some part of me knew these places would be better, even before I looked at the astrology.
So, perhaps relocation astrology could help CityGirl72 find a better place to live. Not that doing so will resolve her problems, but a better location could provide a stronger foundation for her to resolve her problems.
Franco- thats an interesting post. For some reason I have always felt I should live in California- by the water. I guess astrology is a good way to make another relocation decision-lol.
CityGirl, I really sympathize. First, are you clinically depressed? If so maybe what you need, is not so much counseling, but some meds.
It sounds like you need him to do more than just say, "I will fix it" but that your need him to fix it. He cannot fix something internal. Men generally do not have the words we as women want them to have, even though a "it'll be okay" and an embrace maybe all we seem to need at the moment, it is often hard for our husbands to do that especially, if we have been angry and we have pushed them away. I know, I have done this, and expected the same thing. What is it exactly you want your husband to do to fix it?
Lastly, he cannot make you happy, only you can make you happy. Marriage is about compromise, and sometimes as dark as things may be we need to bloom where we are planted.
MBG
It sounds like she is just wanting some emotional support from hubby. That was something I went through. Marriage takes work and maybe he doesnt even realize he isnt supportive.
It sounds like she is just wanting some emotional support from hubby. That was something I went through. Marriage takes work and maybe he doesnt even realize he isnt supportive.
Sadly, most men do not even begin to know how to give this kind of support. And are often unwilling if beat up all the time.
It is hard to give when the other person is attacking. I am not sure of this case, but I have seen it all too often.
MBG
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