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I married one 11 years older than me back in Sept. '06. As long as she stays on her meds, everything is fine. If not, look out! But we are still together. No major problems yet.
Not all bipolar women are unstable.... You need to make sure she is committed to her well being and overall mental health by keeping up with her psychatrist's appointments, taking her medication, has a routine, gets enough sleep, eats well, exercises, and has a stable job and good support system.... There is such a thing as a well adjusted well meaning women out there that are passionate about staying stable with bipolar disorder.... I am one of them!
I have never contributed to a blog until now, and I've been online since the internet's inception. I am a 43 year old male and have just experienced the most challenging relationship of my life.
One year ago in the fall of 2012 I was lured by a beautiful brunette. She checked all the boxes. She came at me fast and strong. Sex was on the first date. She lived 2 hours away and came to see me every weekend for 3 months. I was in heaven. We were both certain that we had found the perfect mate.
Then just after Christmas she started becoming distant, kept canceling our weekend plans, and then went cold She would not return my calls at all. I was very confused and hurt.
After a period of 3 months of silence she had to make the 2 hour journey to my home to retrieve a piece of furniture she had loaned me. By the time she got home that day she was texting me telling me how much she missed me and regretted breaking up with me.
Being the gullible romantic that I am, I used that as an opportunity to reconcile with her. We began to see each other again and she said that she had gone silent because of extreme stress with her finances. She also said that she wanted marriage and for me to move to her city if we were going to work out. So I took the leap. I bought her a ring, proposed, and relocated to her city within 3 months.
Everything was fine up until the week I moved there. Then the **** hit the fan. She was rude, hostile, and defensive the day I was moving my belongings in her home. I lived there for 2 weeks and then she forced me out and changed the locks. Now keep in mind there's 2 sides to every story, but trust me I'm the most peaceful, respectful, non-threatening guy there is.
I retreated to a friends house in the same city to regroup and understand what had happened. Once again we temporarily started seeing each other, but she was quick to cancel dates and was ok seeing me every other week or so. Every interaction was though text. She became very evasive and unappreciative of any gesture that I offered her. She attacked me for any reason she could come up with. Naturally I was suspicious that there must be another guy. I've never confirmed this, but all of the signs were there.
Not accepting that this is how a relationship works, I began to press her to uphold her commitment to our relationship or end it. I said that our only chance was to seek counseling. We never made it to counseling and I eventually asked for the engagement ring back. She adamantly refused to return it, called me selfish for asking for the ring back. She claimed that I was selfish and made that the reason for her to shun me. I continued to send politely-worded texts asking for my ring back. She threatened to get a restraining order against me if I didn't stop contacting her.
I am now having to take her to court to get my ring back.
After reading about people with bipolar disorder, I am convinced that she has this condition. She instantly became hostile, unappreciative, evasive, and created a high suspicion for having relations with other people. I am having to process the ending of this relationship and regret that I am just now accepting that I fell in love with a bipolar woman.
I don't know how anyone could have seen this coming.
I met this 40 yr divorced woman, she was very sweet and normal. After 2 years of ocassional dating. We hooked up, she was getting over a past relationship. I noticed several things on her behavior: she was with an incredible sex drive (She confessed to me she had another sex partner, I didn't like it but we were just "friends with benefits" so to speak), she is into a lot of things online and didn't sleep well, then I noticed most of the time she was depressed and she was sleeping with her street clothes on. I didn't give that much importance to the depression thing, since she was coming out of another relationship. She was very sweet with me, and I was falling real hard for her. I was thinking marrying material in the future. She was asking me for "time" over and over again. I said "okay".
Then one night she had what I think was an episode. She began to yell at me for no reason. Telling me she was "a loose cannon", and not what I was looking for.That I was looking maybe for a mother or a sister and not a girlfriend. She began to write something with her left hand...and she is a right hand person!!! It was like an "Exorcist" type of thing. I was scared and also hurt. She told me she didn't want to see me anymore.
Then after 2 weeks I asked her to meet me at a local coffee shop. I told her with respect: "you have a bipolar disorder, you need help". She got angry and left. She is not answering my calls or chats.
Yeah I know it wasn't a smart move to tell her "you are a bipolar" but at least I was out of the roller coaster ride of the "time crap". Let's be honest you cannot win with someone with BPD.
I know only a doctor can say you are a bipolar person, so they say, but the signs were there.
My advice? As hurtful as it can be: RUN, RUN AWAY!!! YOU CANNOT WIN ON THIS ONE!!!
I have dated some in the past and it ALWAYS turned out the same. They are awesome at first, have such a great outgoing attitude, funny, cute and very sexual. All traits I adore, but after a while they turn into my worst nightmare. They become elusive, abusive and cheat. They also always seem to be the most professional manipulators and liars. The reason I am writing this post is because I recently met another one of those types. She's stunningly beautiful but she scares the cr@p out of me. She knows how to talk things up and give me high hopes, but I don't think I can trust her as far as I can throw her at this point. She tells me things about how she has had only abusive relationships and now she is ready for a simpler more "normal" life, which I know I can give to her if she is accepting to it since I have a career and own a home, which she says is what she wants. I just have this gut feeling that is eating my stomach alive, that what she says is just too good to be true. I am basing that on my past experiences with the same types of women, I do know, that just maybe she is being sincere. Sometimes I think I'm the crazy one because I seem to attract these types and fall for them for the excitement they bring, but that has always been in the short term. So what to do, RUN RUN RUN or wait and see how things work out? Most advice I see is to run as far away as possible, but I am REALLY attracted to her. Thanks for any advice.
I've known a bipolar woman, I've never been in a relationship with her. However, she is a lot like you describe. She is outgoing, funny, cute, but I kinda have to walk on eggshells around her in order to keep the peace. I don't really care to deal with that.
I met this 40 yr divorced woman, she was very sweet and normal. After 2 years of ocassional dating. We hooked up, she was getting over a past relationship. I noticed several things on her behavior: she was with an incredible sex drive (She confessed to me she had another sex partner, I didn't like it but we were just "friends with benefits" so to speak), she is into a lot of things online and didn't sleep well, then I noticed most of the time she was depressed and she was sleeping with her street clothes on. I didn't give that much importance to the depression thing, since she was coming out of another relationship. She was very sweet with me, and I was falling real hard for her. I was thinking marrying material in the future. She was asking me for "time" over and over again. I said "okay".
Then one night she had what I think was an episode. She began to yell at me for no reason. Telling me she was "a loose cannon", and not what I was looking for.That I was looking maybe for a mother or a sister and not a girlfriend. She began to write something with her left hand...and she is a right hand person!!! It was like an "Exorcist" type of thing. I was scared and also hurt. She told me she didn't want to see me anymore.
Then after 2 weeks I asked her to meet me at a local coffee shop. I told her with respect: "you have a bipolar disorder, you need help". She got angry and left. She is not answering my calls or chats.
Yeah I know it wasn't a smart move to tell her "you are a bipolar" but at least I was out of the roller coaster ride of the "time crap". Let's be honest you cannot win with someone with BPD.
I know only a doctor can say you are a bipolar person, so they say, but the signs were there.
My advice? As hurtful as it can be: RUN, RUN AWAY!!! YOU CANNOT WIN ON THIS ONE!!!
Interesting that you told her that she had bipolar disorder...sounds like pop psychology to me
You do know that there are other reasons why she acted so unpredictably and strange, right? Off the top of my head, you have Borderline personality disorder (also hypersexual, given to emotional outbursts, etc), Dysthymic disorder or even Major depression (yes, some depressive states may manifest with psychosis and unpredictable behavior).
I am curious as to why she said you are looking for a mother or sister.... that doesn't just come out of the blue. I wonder what you did (yes, I'm putting this on you) to provoke this comment.
A few other random thoughts (since we're all about learning here)
BPD, more often than not, actually stands for Borderline Personality Disorder (not Bipolar Disorder)
Welcome to the forum. Next time please start a fresh thread, instead of reviving a dead and buried thread
Interesting that you told her that she had bipolar disorder...sounds like pop psychology to me
You do know that there are other reasons why she acted so unpredictably and strange, right? Off the top of my head, you have Borderline personality disorder (also hypersexual, given to emotional outbursts, etc), Dysthymic disorder or even Major depression (yes, some depressive states may manifest with psychosis and unpredictable behavior).
I am curious as to why she said you are looking for a mother or sister.... that doesn't just come out of the blue. I wonder what you did (yes, I'm putting this on you) to provoke this comment.
A few other random thoughts (since we're all about learning here)
BPD, more often than not, actually stands for Borderline Personality Disorder (not Bipolar Disorder)
Welcome to the forum. Next time please start a fresh thread, instead of reviving a dead and buried thread
That is all.
Well..I thought it was best to keep it on with the subject.
The reason why she told me about "a mother or a sister", is more likely because I told her I live with my senior mother and my older sister, but I told her that when she was "normal". Let's called "Bruce Banner state". I was telling her that maybe we can get together in the future when she was ready to have another relationship.
During the episode the things she yelled weren't like against me really, she was telling me she wasn't worthy of my love or something like that because "she was a loose cannon!!!". She was on her own movie so to speak...and asking me what I was looking on a wife and then she begins to write things on a notepad with her left hand being a right handed person, of course it was scribbles all over...scary thing like I said "The Exorcist".
I think it's BP (yeah I confuse the acronyms from time to time). Pop psychology or not I did my research:
1. A lot of energy to do several things online until she was exhausted.
2. Strange sleep patterns. Like sleeping with her street clothes on. The room is so hot when I stayed there I needed to sleep in my briefs. She slept with jeans and a blouse. Sometimes she was tired and slept too much over the weekends.
3. Silly lies like her married last name.
4. She often told me several thing that were weird, like men hitting on her when it wasn't the subject of the conversation.
5. She is into Kabbalah bull**** and she said she needed to be a "kabbalah tutor" to eliminate "bread of shame", or something like that. She devote a LOT of time and money to that crap
6. Incredible sex drive as I explained. Sex with her was okay, not great but she did some interesting moves, she told me her ex hubby was big into porn and she watched a couple of flicks to learn some maneuvers. Lucky me, I know.
7. She quit her steady job as a child psychologist (wow!) that paid her very well to do "life coaching" and "Kabbalah mentoring". I didn't give much importance, because sometimes you wanna work independently, but often these people take decisions that are just plain crazy.
8. Heavy drinking when she was on her house or she didn't need to drive. And I mean heavy like scotch on the rocks served like a ginger ale.
9. When depressed she was more like "hypomania", she was all sad and everything and then I talked to her and she begin to feel happy and stuff.
10. The episode was more or less a month after she confessed to me she had sex with another guy and was into heavy drinking. So my guess is BP disorder of "Cyclotimia". Yep I did my homework.
Anyway, no matter the label...it's over now. It's sad and I feel sorry for the woman because she's great but perhaps it's for the best all these happened now and not when we were on a real relationship.
Thanks for the consideration and your input.
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dating a bipolar
I think it was better this way
