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So i have been aware of the issue of hoarding.
A friend of mine is a landlord and quite a few years ago he had to evict a tenant who was a hoarder.
She was particularly fond of rotting meat!
I also used to paint houses for a living and we worked in a house where one or both of the parents were hoarders. (their kids rooms were beyond neat and clean which was good to see)
Anyway, i don't watch much t.v. as i don't own one but i'm house sitting for awhile and i've been catching up on this incredibly ridiculous culture.
And i've been watching the show "Hoarding" and it's just appalling that people who hoard live in such conditions.
I was just watching one episode where the woman is living in a house full (and i mean full!) of cat feces (amongst all of the other garbage including the cats .... alive and dead!) and also she has saved 100's of old dirty diapers! (hers i assume as she is an old woman and with no babies in the house).
The wierd things is that i'm quite open to and understanding and tolerant of any and all addictions and i have wrestled with a few myself and i'm not at all judgmental towards people with mental illness as i've dealt with my own imbalances and yet, i find myself totally disgusted with and critical / judgemental of these hoarders especially when they have children.
I saw one show where the woman, when all of the other rooms in her house were full to the ceiling, started using her child's room for her junk!
Omg .... are you kidding?
If there are any courageous hoarders out there who want to share the inner workings of their mind that would be cool.
I'll be very nice.
The worst of what i have to say, i just said.
It's just a disorder that i cannot relate to on any level and i'm interested in it.
Well I think I"m one but I fight it pretty well so I live in a small house and keep my junk contained and mostly organized in the basement. I'm fighting it even harder these days b/c my mother is a full-fledged one and has alzheimer's now and we just had the auction and it was insane how much stuff there was. But I'm thinking that many cases could be attributed to dementia.
I don't think you'll hear from hoarders unless they are in treatment. People that do this don't see it as a problem. That's why they fight the people that are there to help them, and why the people that are there to help seem to try to force them into conflict. It brings the whole thing to a head.
This is a coping mechanism to whatever mental distress or pain they are not feeling. Collecting this stuff allows them to force down the feelings that are too hard to feel. It's like self tranqualizing. We all have something we do to cope. I chew my fingernails and the skin around my fingers. I twist my hair, and like my mother, I rub my eyebrows backwards, against the grain, which eventually breaks the hair or I rub the tweezed hair that's growing back and annoy the hair follicle till it's angry, and when I pull the hair out it HURTS.
It's why people who cut themselves say when they finally draw blood there is a release of tension....
It's just what I do isn't as unpalatable as hoarding.
Well I think I"m one but I fight it pretty well so I live in a small house and keep my junk contained and mostly organized in the basement. I'm fighting it even harder these days b/c my mother is a full-fledged one and has alzheimer's now and we just had the auction and it was insane how much stuff there was. But I'm thinking that many cases could be attributed to dementia.
It's one thing to collect a lot of stuff but the people that i see on this show are beyond the pale (whatever the pale is ).
The rooms are usually so full of junk that they can't even be used and often the floor isn't even visible.
The houses can be in such bad condition that they're impossible to care for and then also rodents move in and do irreparable damage to the structure ... as does unchecked mold and mildew.
The toilets are often caked with human feces, there's no kitchen to speak of as the counters and stove tops are piled with stuff and the refrigerator is often filled with rotting food and is also not usable.
The beds may be piled so high with junk that they can't even be slept on.
And the conditions may be so unsanitary that health problems ensue.
And like i said, when there are children involved who are growing up in such mess and filth ... i dunno ... it seems like child abuse (or neglect at the very least) to me.
I don't think you'll hear from hoarders unless they are in treatment. People that do this don't see it as a problem. That's why they fight the people that are there to help them, and why the people that are there to help seem to try to force them into conflict. It brings the whole thing to a head.
This is a coping mechanism to whatever mental distress or pain they are not feeling. Collecting this stuff allows them to force down the feelings that are too hard to feel. It's like self tranqualizing. We all have something we do to cope. I chew my fingernails and the skin around my fingers. I twist my hair, and like my mother, I rub my eyebrows backwards, against the grain, which eventually breaks the hair or I rub the tweezed hair that's growing back and annoy the hair follicle till it's angry, and when I pull the hair out it HURTS.
It's why people who cut themselves say when they finally draw blood there is a release of tension....
It's just what I do isn't as unpalatable as hoarding.
Yes, what you say is so ... all of it rings true.
There also seems to be, especially with the female hoarders, a shared child like state of mind but also a lot of anger that manifests in a rather passive way.
People get depressed, and doing anything becomes overwhelming. That is how it starts. It also has a lot to do with perfection, "if I can't do it perfect, why bother". They get wrapped up in having to do everything so perfectly, that they give up on an overwhelming task.
My Mom is a hoarder. I think part of it is a control issue, having these things gives the hoarder something that they can control. And, ironically, it is a money issue, they see value in everything, and don't want to give away "valuable" things. Part of it is just some strange, foil hat thinking..."I can't throw this cat poop in the trash, people will think I have too many cats".
Having a hoarder in the family is difficult. They are very protective of their "mess". And tend to isolate.
I also watch that show. It is fascinating to me. My grandmother is a hoarder and my grandfather keeps it organized. He's spent his retirement building cabinets, shelves, they have a huge loft above their separate barn sized garage chucked full. 6 bedroom house where no one can ever stay very lOng, let alone sleep or have a guest room. My two aunts go clean every Friday. They get accused of stealing underwear to a pot or pan. They put an alarm system on their house because she thinks someone stole her clothes. She is 300lbs and buys cheep polyester!! Yep, worth stealing.
I think a lot of people from this generation, having grew up during the great depression, feel a need to save save save. She buys 72 hr kits for her 5 kids and all of their family. Saves decades of her $300 clothes just in case someone needs clothing. It's the Knick-knacks that drive me nuts. They are so cheap too! All from the thrift store, junk, junk, junk. If it weren't for my patient loyal grandfather she'd be just the same as the rest. She doesn't clean, she shops at dollar store and second hand stores.
She is very eccentric and dies things in purpose for attention. She doesn't ever make an effort to call others or write letters, but takes if fence when her neighbors and family stop coming around. No bday cards, no $5 for Christmas. It's amazing all the personality similarities. Very child like, isolated, always has a "favorite person" for a week or month, that she will constantly talk about like her hero and BFF. Then one day she hates this person for something so insignificant. Then, not soon after, there is another. Round and round and round. Starts a grandiose project and never finishes. Spend thousands starting up a acrylic nail business, supplies, even business cards. She still has the whole box after 30 years, never given one out. She had cockatiels, let them take over an entire bedroom, didn't want to cage them. Bird crap all over, chewed up drywall. My grandfather never allowed his kids to have a cat or dog. It took 14 years to get her to get rid of then. They'd lay eggs and it was like rabbits.
No wonder my grandfather is such a grumpy cranky old fart, always has been. So hard to be around his negativity. She will demand and convince him he needs to build this or that. They have so many add I s in their house! Will be a nightmare to sell. At least the house is maintained. In the kitchen he's built all kinds of holders into and under the to cabinets to hold things custom like match boxes, mini tv, phone book and phone, etc. they have a huge kitchen and another in the basement.
I read an amazing book called, "Dirty Secret". I highly recommend it. It's fictional, but talks about the disease from an outsiders perspective. Really enjoyed reading it. I fight hoarding, it can be genetic. I fear it so much, I throw things away that I probably shouldn't. My husband hates it. I'm messy. I used to be able to go through my junk drawers once a month, and take a day once a week or every other week and make everything spotless. Now that I have kids, and a workaholic husband, it gets bad. I have boxes of junk that I just shoved in a box for later. At least it's in a box, right?
I agree on the perfection thing. I've heard that before. When I clean, I have to make sure I do it all and finish and do it perfect. If I know I won't have time to finish, I won't start. Have a very difficult time being routine. Is there a prescription to help with this?
She also is a hypochondriac. She has suffered from a fake fingernail stuck in a "flap" in her throat that she swallowed when eating a donut. That went on for a decade. Doctor shopping, surgeries. One day, stops talking about it. No sudden cure or fix, just non existent. Bugs, oh the bugs! She has bugs crawling under her skin, she could see them, feel them in her scalp. Wouldn't let anyone come visit, didn't want them catching them. Told a childhood friend of mine that she saw at the grocery store that she got it from her grandson after he visited Venezuela?! Injected pesticides in her neck!!! Yes!!! Doctors, doctors, doctors, 3xs a week. Finally found online a name for it morgellons disease and a new friend to talk to with about it. That was about 10 years also. One day, no talking about it, nothing. After all that drama and daily complaints. Nothing. She had colon cancer (not really just a benign pollop removed). She despises doctors and they her. Thinks they should know EVERYTHING about the human body. Has no idea the way medicine works. She had my grandfather drive her 500 miles towing the rv trailer to see a dr in Beverly hills, she never made an appt, just read about him online, and drove to another state, walked in and it was a hole in the wall. She IS diabetic though. It took the drs years to diagnose her illness and connect it. It was finally a nurse who tested her. I think that is where the hypocrondriac stems from. She takes her shots at a restaurant in her stomach, lifts up her shirt at the table, blood sugar at the table. Her house has square cotton pads all over with a dot of blood on them. The worst is she eats sweets constantly. Doesn't Manage it well at all. Axing she still had her legs, kidneys, and eye sight. Miraculous. She has 30 prescriptions she takes, not consistently, from 7 random doctors. They give her do much crap, just to get rid of her. Pain pills, sleeping pills, barbiturates, anti depressants. Sometimes I'll call her in the evening and she is so drugged. It's sad.
It's hard. We love her and care about her, but can't deal with the crazy. It just becomes too much. Pushing her constantly changing new religion that she doesnt practice on her grand kids, confusing everyone who is looking for a belief, next day she is anti.
The childhood memories she holds onto. Anger, resentment. Holds grudges horribly. Will disown you from the family any split second. Years and years and years of hate and telling everyone what horrible sin you committed against her. Her own sister has called me begging to help her. I've tried. I can't tell my grandmother I spoke to her sister, or I hear how her sister is spying on her and wants to know her business and how she is so jealous of her. ?!?! Of what?! Her obesity, her bursting home, her broken family?
I'm sorry to go on and on. It felt good to vent. The diabetes causes dimentia, sure sign of that also, but definitely hoarding behaviors too.
People get depressed, and doing anything becomes overwhelming. That is how it starts. It also has a lot to do with perfection, "if I can't do it perfect, why bother". They get wrapped up in having to do everything so perfectly, that they give up on an overwhelming task.
My Mom is a hoarder. I think part of it is a control issue, having these things gives the hoarder something that they can control. And, ironically, it is a money issue, they see value in everything, and don't want to give away "valuable" things. Part of it is just some strange, foil hat thinking..."I can't throw this cat poop in the trash, people will think I have too many cats".
Having a hoarder in the family is difficult. They are very protective of their "mess". And tend to isolate.
Thank you for sharing that and explaining a few things very succinctly.
Also, the people i've witnessed (on the t.v. show) use all of that stuff to keep people away.
It seems to be a very effective wall (often literally) and way to block and repel people.
It's very difficult for me to relate to this disorder as i'm just the opposite of a hoarder. I want to be as free of things as possible and like to travel light and also have an aversion to this whole consumer oriented culture.
It must be an incredible challenge to deal with a family member who hoards.
I watched the show a few times. I am not ever going to win any awards for Housekeeper Of The Year, but when I watch that show it makes me want to get up and throw stuff away.
The show did fascinate me and led me to read more about hoarding. When I was searching, I found an older website with posts about hoarding by adult children of hoarders. Some of it was so sad. This one woman said that when she and her sister were teens, they had a priest come with them to talk to their mother because their house had gotten so bad. They wanted to let their mother know that she had to clean the house or they were going to live with a relative. She said her mother sat there petting a stone turtle and saying, "But I can't get rid of my things. I need my things." They eventually did move out and into the home of an aunt. She said her mother had since died, but then she read about hoarding and at least now knew what was wrong with her mom.
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