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If you become happy with yourself and confident about who you are, that would go a long way to making your life better. Know that sometimes, cruel people just coldly shut out others. If you are working in retail, just focus on your customer service skills - people skills. Are there things you would change about yourself? What? People who are not outgoing are often seen as unfriendly or that they really don't want to be part of the group and I have seen this time and time again. The solution is that you'll have to be able to start somewhere putting one foot in front of the other and become more outgoing and it will be easier with the customers than the co-workers. You may need to find a different place of employment if you can at some point. As a person who went from shy to extremely outspoken, it can be done. Quit focusing on the others and be who you are - that is much easier than standing around being envious of others who in reality are probably just as miserable as you are but trying to make the best of it. I can't think of one person that I know that is faced with some hardship of the economy, illness, stuck in a job they hate, problems with their kids, but they can still be happy. I once saw those conjoined twins, the sisters in their 40's, one is a singer and one of them said that being conjoined is just a "speed bump" and I thought that if they could get up every morning and deal with their "speed bump" that surely I should be able to deal with mine - they are very inspirational and I often think of them.
I don't see it how it's going to make me more talkative and outgoing. I barely say anything to anyone. And people have told me that I need to talk to them for them to talk to me. Done that and usually its one-sided short conversation. I don't see how the meds is gonna have people drawn to me and make friends especially in the dating scene
then im sick of how im treated at work to the point im crying
You have already convinced yourself they won't work so a change in attitude may help the process of the medication.
Katie: I've been a loner from way back! Sometimes, I'll give myself a kick, and force myself to go out and do a tad bit of socializing, but I go right back to ground zero, where happiness is always awaiting me!
The tiny bit of socializing I do is walking my ferret, late at night or early evenings, as walking a leash-trained ferret around town, or around my neighborhood, brings out the curiosity-seekers. That little socializing, and at work, keeps me from being a full-fledged social savage!
I have a friend, from way-way back, who's always encouraging me: You need friends, friends are everything, can't live without them!!!
Just today at work, this co-worker was telling another co-worker & me about himself, and so I was listening politely and not saying anything, thinking that, of course, he had the floor and I would just remain attentive to what he was saying.
Suddenly, he stopped what he was talking about, looked at me and said, "what's up? don't you talk?"
It took me a little by surprise, because after all, it was a really odd thing to say out of the blue, especially since I was under the impression that I was simply giving him my undivided attention . . . I mean, wasn't I giving him what he wanted?
Without hesitation, I came back with, "No, I listen when someone else is talking." He replied, "that's very wise" . . . and meanwhile, I'm thinking, "Did I miss something? What the hell?"
Then, 3 nights ago, I was attending a church Christmas Dinner, and at one point, we were having a sing-along of Christmas Carols. Half-way through the singing, and while I was singing along, my best friend turns to me and says, "Sing loud!! Open you mouth wider!!" I looked at her with stunned annoyance and said, "Don't preach to me about how to sing!!" Meanwhile, just about everyone around me was keeping time to the music and stiffly moving their bodies and doing the Christian non-clap clap( have you ever seen this? ), like a bunch of amazingly awkward geeks. . . . and I'm thinking, 'I'm sorry, I love you all, but I just don't do "geeky", and I'm not about to surrender whatever shred of "coolness" I have left( not even at the age of 63 ), just so I can "fit in" with a bunch of people who could never "cut it" on the dance floor at any age!!' . . . Sorry, even friends can sometimes **** me off!!!!
Please allow me to interject something here in my own defense, and just for the sake of perspective. I am probably currently suffering from a form of DEPRESSION, which may have been even further negatively impacted by the death of my entire immediate family over the past several years, and my recent estrangement from my entire extended family(cousins, aunts, nieces, nephews, etc.), due to my recently deceased Mom's accusation of having been the recipient of a lewd act by my once closest cousin.
It's not easy, feeling as if you're all alone in the world, but that's what I deal with every single day, and the holidays only serve to intensify those feelings.
I'M REALLY NOT SURE WHAT POSSESSED ME TO REVEAL ALL THAT( speaking of odd things to bring up out of the blue ), BUT ANYWAY, BACK TO THE ISSUE OF TALKERS VS NON-TALKERS:
Believe me, I've been hearing this "you're too quiet" and "why are you so quiet" garbage all my life, and alot of it stems from the "talker's" own insecurity about quiet people( please don't ask me to explain their irrationality ). I mean, it's almost like they would rather hear the same old boring, useless smalltalk every minute of every hour of every day, rather than risk having to deal with some peaceful, reflective, meditative silence for a change.
I've spent a lifetime trying to be more sociable, and you know what, there have been times when I have spoken to a person at length, and a little while later, they will unbelievably turn to me and still say, "you're so quiet"!!? . . . and I'm like, "what the ____?" Bottom line, there are some people that are so insecure, that they just have to have you spewing words out into the air constantly, or they, for some odd reason, start getting nervous about you. I don't know
So, in response to the person who is being hurt by other people at work, supposedly because of that person's silence, please trust me when I say, you probably have alot more going for you, spiritually, emotionally, & whatever you hidden gifts & talents are, than those other people at your work could ever even dream of having!! And, by the way, if these people at your work are ethnic-types, there are some ethnic groups who spend a lifetime, growing up in families where everybody is verbally aggressive, and so consequently, they spend alot of their time growing up, trying to talk over the other person in the room, and they usually carry that trait with them into adulthood, the workplace, and into society in general.
It makes you wonder, though, about the devastating social shunning that deaf mutes, or even the speech impaired, go through every single day. And, after all, isn't that what & who we so-called "quiet people" are? Are we not an unrecognized socially handicapped group . . . "the socially impaired"?
OR . . . are the "incessant talkers" actually the ones who are socially impaired & out of balance, while in reality, we so-called "quiet persons" are the ones in near perfect balance, while having to deal with the insults which arise out of other people's imbalance?
God Bless Us All
Last edited by Ezekiel37; 12-19-2015 at 01:53 PM..
Just today at work, this co-worker was telling another co-worker & me about himself, and so I was listening politely and not saying anything, thinking that, of course, he had the floor and I would just remain attentive to what he was saying.
Suddenly, he stopped what he was talking about, looked at me and said, "what's up? don't you talk?"
It took me a little by surprise, because after all, it was a really odd thing to say out of the blue, especially since I was under the impression that I was simply giving him my undivided attention . . . I mean, wasn't I giving him what he wanted?
Without hesitation, I came back with, "No, I listen when someone else is talking." He replied, "that's very wise" . . . and meanwhile, I'm thinking, "Did I miss something? What the hell?"
Then, 3 nights ago, I was attending a church Christmas Dinner, and at one point, we were having a sing-along of Christmas Carols. Half-way through the singing, and while I was singing along, my best friend turns to me and says, "Sing loud!! Open you mouth wider!!" I looked at her with stunned annoyance and said, "Don't preach to me about how to sing!!" Meanwhile, just about everyone around me was keeping time to the music and stiffly moving their bodies and doing the Christian non-clap clap( have you ever seen this? ), like a bunch of amazingly awkward geeks. . . . and I'm thinking, 'I'm sorry, I love you all, but I just don't do "geeky", and I'm not about to surrender whatever shred of "coolness" I have left( not even at the age of 63 ), just so I can "fit in" with a bunch of people who could never "cut it" on the dance floor at any age!!' . . . Sorry, even friends can sometimes **** me off!!!!
Please allow me to interject something here in my own defense, and just for the sake of perspective. I am probably currently suffering from a form of DEPRESSION, which may have been even further negatively impacted by the death of my entire immediate family over the past several years, and my recent estrangement from my entire extended family(cousins, aunts, nieces, nephews, etc.), due to my recently deceased Mom's accusation of having been the recipient of a lewd act by my once closest cousin.
It's not easy, feeling as if you're all alone in the world, but that's what I deal with every single day, and the holidays only serve to intensify those feelings.
I'M REALLY NOT SURE WHAT POSSESSED ME TO REVEAL ALL THAT( speaking of odd things to bring up out of the blue ), BUT ANYWAY, BACK TO THE ISSUE OF TALKERS VS NON-TALKERS:
Believe me, I've been hearing this "you're too quiet" and "why are you so quiet" garbage all my life, and alot of it stems from the "talker's" own insecurity about quiet people( please don't ask me to explain their irrationality ). I mean, it's almost like they would rather hear the same old boring, useless smalltalk every minute of every hour of every day, rather than risk having to deal with some peaceful, reflective, meditative silence for a change.
I've spent a lifetime trying to be more sociable, and you know what, there have been times when I have spoken to a person at length, and a little while later, they will unbelievably turn to me and still say, "you're so quiet"!!? . . . and I'm like, "what the ____?" Bottom line, there are some people that are so insecure, that they just have to have you spewing words out into the air constantly, or they, for some odd reason, start getting nervous about you. I don't know
So, in response to the person who is being hurt by other people at work, supposedly because of that person's silence, please trust me when I say, you probably have alot more going for you, spiritually, emotionally, & whatever you hidden gifts & talents are, than those other people at your work could ever even dream of having!! And, by the way, if these people at your work are ethnic-types, there are some ethnic groups who spend a lifetime, growing up in families where everybody is verbally aggressive, and so consequently, they spend alot of their time growing up, trying to talk over the other person in the room, and they usually carry that trait with them into adulthood, the workplace, and into society in general.
It makes you wonder, though, about the devastating social shunning that deaf mutes, or even the speech impaired, go through every single day. And, after all, isn't that what & who we so-called "quiet people" are? Are we not an unrecognized socially handicapped group . . . "the socially impaired"?
OR . . . are the "incessant talkers" actually the ones who are socially impaired & out of balance, while in reality, we so-called "quiet persons" are the ones in near perfect balance, while having to deal with the insults which arise out of other people's imbalance?
God Bless Us All
I think your right on about the unrecognized group. I love conversation, and completely enjoy a good one. Give me ideas to debate, give me something deep, move away from the expected 'normal' perception and I'm immersed.
Talk about current fashion, some celebrity, the socially praised perception... if that's all you can give then I'll go and sit and people watch. I may not even know who these people are. I probably haven't seen the movie. A good documentary, sure. A comedy, unlikely.
Some of us are different. Our interests and perceptions are not part of the herd, and we don't do well with small talk for the sake of small talk. We're often considered boring since the ideas we like to talk about are either not pc or too 'serious'. For a lot of people, too, the 'normal' is all they know and they can't see from a different view. Try to get them to see a different view just makes them seek comfort.
But then we aren't 'handicapped', but different. I like the idea of balance. It's just that society seems to place greater acceptance on the yappers and the normals. Listening and thinking and making your own conclusions seems not to be in style. But then I love a good talk when the other person is willing to take a few baby steps past being 'normal' in all ways.
I'm so sorry about your family. Mine died off or moved off and the husbands is 'family' but never in the same way. I vagely know where my cousins moved, but haven't seen them in years. I find my family in people and groups of people who are like me, and I feel a part of. The day I discovered science fiction fandom was the day I discovered there will always be a family out there for me. Sometimes the family you find is stronger than the ones you got stuck with.
I think your right on about the unrecognized group. I love conversation, and completely enjoy a good one. Give me ideas to debate, give me something deep, move away from the expected 'normal' perception and I'm immersed.
Talk about current fashion, some celebrity, the socially praised perception... if that's all you can give then I'll go and sit and people watch. I may not even know who these people are. I probably haven't seen the movie. A good documentary, sure. A comedy, unlikely.
Some of us are different. Our interests and perceptions are not part of the herd, and we don't do well with small talk for the sake of small talk. We're often considered boring since the ideas we like to talk about are either not pc or too 'serious'. For a lot of people, too, the 'normal' is all they know and they can't see from a different view. Try to get them to see a different view just makes them seek comfort.
But then we aren't 'handicapped', but different. I like the idea of balance. It's just that society seems to place greater acceptance on the yappers and the normals. Listening and thinking and making your own conclusions seems not to be in style. But then I love a good talk when the other person is willing to take a few baby steps past being 'normal' in all ways.
I'm so sorry about your family. Mine died off or moved off and the husbands is 'family' but never in the same way. I vagely know where my cousins moved, but haven't seen them in years. I find my family in people and groups of people who are like me, and I feel a part of. The day I discovered science fiction fandom was the day I discovered there will always be a family out there for me. Sometimes the family you find is stronger than the ones you got stuck with.
Thanks for your thoughtful response. I guess my so-called "social impairment" will continue to be an ongoing battle inside of me. I'm torn between trying to adopt the more socially accepted social skills which most people employ, OR, simply accepting myself finally, after all these years, for who & what I am; and of course, knowing the whole time that simply accepting myself for who and what I am will not make many people happy, and by the same token, my ultimately not fully developing & exercising those more socially accepted social skills will also leave many people still dissatisfied with me.
It's all extremely frustrating, and sometimes drives me to ask life's final question, "where's the damned exit?"
Thanks for your thoughtful response. I guess my so-called "social impairment" will continue to be an ongoing battle inside of me. I'm torn between trying to adopt the more socially accepted social skills which most people employ, OR, simply accepting myself finally, after all these years, for who & what I am; and of course, knowing the whole time that simply accepting myself for who and what I am will not make many people happy, and by the same token, my ultimately not fully developing & exercising those more socially accepted social skills will also leave many people still dissatisfied with me.
It's all extremely frustrating, and sometimes drives me to ask life's final question, "where's the damned exit?"
I don't understand the title of this thread. Why would you need anti-depressants or meds when you haven't mentioned a problem that would call for such.
You are you. Accept yourself as it.
I'm somewhat in the same. I don't fit. There's nothing wrong with me but I don't fit with most "social norms." Since I know that I'm okay the way that I am, I just live my life.
Thanks for your thoughtful response. I guess my so-called "social impairment" will continue to be an ongoing battle inside of me. I'm torn between trying to adopt the more socially accepted social skills which most people employ, OR, simply accepting myself finally, after all these years, for who & what I am; and of course, knowing the whole time that simply accepting myself for who and what I am will not make many people happy, and by the same token, my ultimately not fully developing & exercising those more socially accepted social skills will also leave many people still dissatisfied with me.
It's all extremely frustrating, and sometimes drives me to ask life's final question, "where's the damned exit?"
I think it comes down to what matters more, that you accept and embrase who you are, or others see something enough like their limits that they do. I don't think true happiness can be found if you try to pretend. The thing is, there are people out there who'd love your company, you just have to find them. But probably they aren't in the office. So look at what really interests you, find others who are interested and its a place to start. You might find that they too are not percieved by the masses as 'normal' but its okay if that's you too.
In places you don't have any choice, be nice, smile, do your work and don't get personal if your uncomfortable with it. But don't try to pretend to be what you aren't. People can tell. It's okay to be an outsider if you fufill the reasons your there.
And its perfectly okay to be different. Society tries to say we all need to drift toward the middle, but the people who don't buy that get rewards. Find what truely fufills you and don't be apoligetic if its not the social 'norm'. Of course its not okay to turn to the 'dark side' and do hurtful things, but just being *different* isn't grounds for others to decide that.
So take a paper, and without thinking about it start a list of stuff you enjoy, and stuff which fufills you, and satisfy you. And do the same with a list of things which make you want to leave the room. And *find* a way to enjoy the stuff which is you, and if its different and opposite what the 'normies' like so be it. Embrase you and you'll shine with joy and people will notice. I felt like I found home when I walked into my first science fiction convention. Today I'd have found them long before. Google/search for sites which match your interests, find the stuff that would really work for you. We're all lucky its so much easier now.
I don't understand the title of this thread. Why would you need anti-depressants or meds when you haven't mentioned a problem that would call for such.
You are you. Accept yourself as it.
I'm somewhat in the same. I don't fit. There's nothing wrong with me but I don't fit with most "social norms." Since I know that I'm okay the way that I am, I just live my life.
I think for some that's not easy. Sometimes parents or others start early with the message to be 'normal' and its hard. It isn't that hard to go from there to feeling 'wrong'. Sometimes people are taking drugs because the dissatisfaction inside them because they are trying to be someone they aren't has made them miserable. It won't 'fix' it but it might just numb you up you don't notice anymore. That's not improving life, just stuffing its problems further in.
I work in retail and it sucks. To put on a happy face like everything is okay all the time and customers and others asking me how are you today?
I don't work in retail, but I work in the restaurant industry, and it's the same thing. I've struggled SO much with having to put on a smile and pretend everything is okay, be sweet and fake-laugh with people, all because if I don't, I'll get in trouble with management. Some days I'll be walking around, not smiling, and I get told, "SMILE!" and it makes me want to throat-punch people. I have to have people cover my shifts sometimes, if I have really bad days...and then people tend to think I'm lazy, and don't want to work, which is the exact opposite of how I am. I WANT to work, but the depression and PTSD is so debilitating some days that it's almost impossible. I'm on Wellbutrin, 350mg, but it doesn't do sh*t. I can't be on any anti-depressant that has ANY risk of weight gain because I have an eating disorder to boot, and gaining more weight (I've already gained 15lbs from binge eating) will put me at risk for self-harm/suicide. I just feel like there's no hope. I want my old, happy self back - but I feel like she's lost forever.
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