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How I handle anger, stress, sadness.... exercise more (especially running/swimming by myself), playing an instrument (piano, guitar), writing in a journal/blogging, walking on the lakefront, gardening, talking to family members/friends. However, I do prefer to figure out things on my own, in quiet places, so I rarely seek advice/counsel from other people. I may try to avoid people or explain that I am busy with some projects. I am a pretty happy, well-adjusted person, so it works for me if I take the "me" time when I need to deal with something.
Wow, you took the words right out of my keyboard.
Super, if you have a lot going on, and it would make things worse to explain it to a lot of people, or even be around a lot of people, that is perfectly understandable. No one should feel like they must share things they'd rather not. I don't know about you, but I find it irritating to reiterate the same story over and over to different people.
Not that you should live in denial or completely drop off the grid. Just that it's okay to be "busy" for a while, and keep contact to minor, superficial interactions, like sending a funny link to someone who would appreciate it, or sharing a few articles on Facebook once in a while, just so people know you're okay.
About your wanting to bite your coworker's head off: Oh, I've been there. Big time. I found that it helps to say something like, "I would really love to talk about this, but I've got this huge deadline and I'm stressed out."
You said you're good at listening to other people's problems. Believe it or not, sometimes helping someone else with their issues will help you with yours. When I separated from my ex, there was a tremendous amount of upheaval at my then-job at the time. My best boss ever got promoted out of the position where he was managing me. People asked me why I wasn't going for his job, and although I wasn't ready to tell them why, it was because I knew my marriage was ending. So that meant keeping the divorce stuff in while getting a new boss. Then the other staff writer left, which left me with double the work to do. And then my father died.
Two things helped: First, I threw myself into all of that work and allotted only a certain amount of time every day for my worries. I'd go home, allow myself to be angry, upset, etc. for about an hour. Sometimes I'd write it all out in a password-protected journal that only a couple of my close girlfriends could see and comment on. Second, I befriended a coworker who was going through a rough time of her own with a break-up and a bad health scare.
The trick is not to wallow, or let your worries consume you. You have to be able to get out of your own head.
Whatever you are going through, I'm sorry to hear it. I hope this doesn't sound trite, but there must be others who have been through the same. If there is a way you can seek them out, that might help you, too.
I don't know how best to describe the way I'm feeling, but I'll give it a try. I have had depression in the past as well as a bit of anxiety. I have received really bad news two days ago, that sort of sprung out of knowhere. At the same time my gf and I are having some rough times right now. I don't know if we'll survive. I hope we will, but I've been in enough relationships to know that, they can end at any time.
What's bothering me the most however, is something pretty personal. I am not going to divulge what it is. I'm sorry that more imformation can not be given at this time. The end result right now is that I am very pissed off and angry at the world. I have some serious issues to deal with right now, and I don't know how to deal with them without being an arse to other people who don't deserve it...
I guess my question is. When you are in the worst type of slump, hole, whatever you want to call it, what do you do to retain your character?
I ask this because lately, I've been aloof, quiet and cold towards people who know me. I don't want to push them away, at the same time I just want to be left alone. To me having character always meant that "when the chips are down" sort of speak, you don't take your behavior out on others. I am trying real hard not to take anything out on others but it is getting very difficult. It's also really hard right now for me to keep my head up. I just want to isolate and stay angry. Even though I know that that's insane and not at all possible. I have kids to see and a gf. So I really know I can't. I also have family and friends who contact me continually. I don't think it's fair to take my problems out on others, but I feel so damn bad. This is probably the toughest time in my life. And trust me, I've had many.
I guess I'm just putting this out there, because I am really confused and angry right now..The last thing I want to do is to take it out on others. But sometimes I do. If anyone has any suggestions, I'm open to hearing them. Like I said, I just don't want to push people away. Yet, I really don't want anyone around at this point. I hope this makes sense. Can anyone relate to how I'm feeling. Can anyone give me any good feedback. I'm sorry things are vague, but that's all I'm ready to divulge at this time. Let's just say some serious problems have crept up..
Thank you in advance for any suggestions..
I don't know what your bad news was, but I deal with this (family and old friends) on a regular basis -- how to get them to leave you alone without them feeling like it's 'their fault' somehow. The idea that "they will eventually all just go away" is untrue, that's all I know....when someone repeatedly requests that they like to alone or like to do solitary activities, why they still keep trying I don't understand myself . Sorry not much help.
Super, if you have a lot going on, and it would make things worse to explain it to a lot of people, or even be around a lot of people, that is perfectly understandable. No one should feel like they must share things they'd rather not. I don't know about you, but I find it irritating to reiterate the same story over and over to different people.
Not that you should live in denial or completely drop off the grid. Just that it's okay to be "busy" for a while, and keep contact to minor, superficial interactions, like sending a funny link to someone who would appreciate it, or sharing a few articles on Facebook once in a while, just so people know you're okay.
About your wanting to bite your coworker's head off: Oh, I've been there. Big time. I found that it helps to say something like, "I would really love to talk about this, but I've got this huge deadline and I'm stressed out."
You said you're good at listening to other people's problems. Believe it or not, sometimes helping someone else with their issues will help you with yours. When I separated from my ex, there was a tremendous amount of upheaval at my then-job at the time. My best boss ever got promoted out of the position where he was managing me. People asked me why I wasn't going for his job, and although I wasn't ready to tell them why, it was because I knew my marriage was ending. So that meant keeping the divorce stuff in while getting a new boss. Then the other staff writer left, which left me with double the work to do. And then my father died.
Two things helped: First, I threw myself into all of that work and allotted only a certain amount of time every day for my worries. I'd go home, allow myself to be angry, upset, etc. for about an hour. Sometimes I'd write it all out in a password-protected journal that only a couple of my close girlfriends could see and comment on. Second, I befriended a coworker who was going through a rough time of her own with a break-up and a bad health scare.
The trick is not to wallow, or let your worries consume you. You have to be able to get out of your own head.
Whatever you are going through, I'm sorry to hear it. I hope this doesn't sound trite, but there must be others who have been through the same. If there is a way you can seek them out, that might help you, too.
That's good advice. Everyone here has given me good advice. Even if it doesn't quite pertain to me. I think you're right. I somehow have to find a healthy way to try not to think about it. Right now, it is consuming me to the point of exhaustion. I'm depressed and tired. There are people in my life that count on me, and I don't feel that I can give them 100% of me right now. I'm warn thin. As much as I love/like some of these people, I just need some me time. It's difficult as many of you know to work, take care of kids, relationships, etc. Those things are tough enough without adding more to the mixture..
Again, thanks for your advice, and everyones advice. I appreciate EVERYONES imput. I still have about three more hours left and I really need to focus on my job right now. I will try in one way or another to respond to everyones reply. Once again, don't feel slighted if I don't quote you. Your input matters no matter how long or not long..
Take care everyone and thanks for letting me vent.
SMP,
my input may be completely worthless but figured I'd throw it out just in case it might be helpful.
I've battled depression and beat it without pills or chemicals or mythological beings in the sky a few times. No, my life isn't perfect and there are times in my life with things get down and it seems life is connecting with every single haymaker it throws. Where depression rears its ugly head periodically in my life. Then I end up on the ropes or on my back wondering if I should get up again. What I do, is take a step back and size it all up. When things get low and I get angry at the world or depressed, I sit down and evaluate and self evaluate. It's not easy being honest with yourself sometimes. I write in a journal. It helps. It can't say that it makes me feel better right away. But when I revisit it when going to write the next entry, I can't tell you how often I spot something in the entry that sends a light bulb off in my head. I need to change this behavior. I look at my friends, family, job, my attitude, lifestyle, etc and try to pinpoint what may be relating to the problem and how I can fix it. I start with subtle adjustments. If those don't work and I find myself slipping further, I "shake things up". I change things. Sometimes there's a wait. You can't always change jobs or domiciles on a whim. I look at my routine and I make changes. I do things differently as possible. I do an inventory of positive and negative people in my life, this includes family too, and I 86 the so called friends and negative influences. These are the people in my life that seem to create more drama and problems. It may seem silly and odd, but you'd be surprised how many "friends", and I use that term loosely, we tend to keep around that bring very little to the table in regards to friendship. Or maybe they do offer something, but at a very high cost that is detrimental to your well being or even damaging to your reputation. I don't mean people who break the law. I'm talking about those friends you can count on for a favor, but can't tell the truth. And/or their favorite past time or hobby is telling lies, spreading false information and/or creating gossip. Gossip or info that puts you right smack dab in the middle of their drama in one way or another. I try to find a new hobby or interest. I look for new friends and try to cultivate new relationships. If i'm not working out, I start. I have found that exercise is crucial to positive mental health. Everything I just listed is quite a bit of change. It's not over night, but I have found that shaking things up tends to eventually reap major benefits.
Again, not sure you can utilize any of this info, but hopefully you can. Good luck, and keep fighting through whatever it is. We've all had some pretty dark moments. At times it looked as if I was fighting the world and was losing big. I weathered the storm and came out alive. Storms of life. They don't discriminate against gender, religion, color, nor age. Just know that nothings stays the same. Everything changes.
To the OP I am sorry you are going through this bad time in your life. I will assume that this bad news you have recently gotten is still shocking to you and you need time to take it all in. The realtionship with your GF is not doing so well, was this before or after the bad news?? How does she feel about it? I would suggest keeping a journal and writing down every thing you feel day by day . If you don't feel comfortable talking about it here maybe writing it down may help. I kept a journal for years with the good and bad in my life. I have since gotten rid of the journal because it was in a time of my life before I was married. I would go back and read my journal from time to time and I could see my life was heading in a negative direction so I decided to seek therapy which helped. I went for a year.Being angry is normal, wanting to be left alone is normal,we don't mean to take our problems out on others but we do and if these people you are doing this to know what you are going through they may understand it's not meant in a viscious way. I would take each day one day at a time, go back to therapy and keep the journal. Have you discussed this with your GF? I understand relationships don't last but when you are feeling this bad you don't need a break up on top of all of this. Not sure how old your kids are or how close you are with them but maybe they can help.I wish you all the best and cannot imagine how you are feeling. Take care and be well.
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. Sorry not much help.
