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Some people can be generous when it comes to money and gifts or even "charity work" but very "stingy" when it comes to passing our compliments. Or "stingy" and "withholding" when it comes to saying "thank you" or "I'm sorry." Have you ever noticed this?...What is your overall definition of "being stingy?" Or "cheap?"...Why do you think some people have trouble "giving" in some areas but not in other areas? Thanks.
I believe that stinginess is selfishnesses cousin. Being stingy means not giving anything when you don't have to and even when you should. You are correct that it could be money, love, affection, help, or anything else that is good.
Being stingy does not mean being frugal or spending wisely. Those are good things.
Some people are not giving in life but just plan takers. It's the all for me and none for you. I run across people like that often. They don't realize it's the giving that is the most rewarding.
1717Guy...Thanks for your post and insights! I agree with you. "Giving" can be very rewarding! When I decide to "give" I remind myself not to place any "strings" on my "giving" or have expectations about something "coming back" to me. I don't want to have ulterior motives in other words...If I can't "give from my heart" then something is wrong and I need to examine "who" I'm trying to "be!"...We live in such a competitive society. Gifts and "perks" and "favors" are "used" to "get ahead" and "climb-up the ladder." But people who seem "rich" and "powerful" on their "outside" might be "hollow" and "shallow" on their "inside!" And this is sad!...I agree with you about being "careful" with money versus being "cheap" or "stingy." Times are "tough" right now and everyone can't afford to "throw" money "around" as if there is no "tomorrow!"...Anyway enough for now. Please share more when you can. Thanks!
What I have been told and what I have learned is just what you say. If you expect something in return you will most likely be disapointed. I have had to learn not to even expect a thank you if I help someone. If I get a thanks it's just a bonus. One has to have their motives right and do things to help people just for the other people and for no other reasons even though it helps ourselves to help others.
If we want thanks and compliments or if we believe the oposite "that no good dead goes unpunished" we will be "stingy" with our good deeds for others.
Yes, good thread. people who give with expectations of "getting " something back whether money or favors or...other things. being stingy emotionally is even worse than financial. some people cant afford gifts in this economy.
as a kid we always got a ton of gifts but no attention from dad, so "stuff" doesn't really make a person feel loved or appreciated, imo.
Some people can be generous when it comes to money and gifts or even "charity work" but very "stingy" when it comes to passing our compliments. Or "stingy" and "withholding" when it comes to saying "thank you" or "I'm sorry." Have you ever noticed this?...What is your overall definition of "being stingy?" Or "cheap?"...Why do you think some people have trouble "giving" in some areas but not in other areas? Thanks.
I think you ask great but tough questions. I won't even attempt an answer at this one as stingy can apply to emotions, money, time, etc. It also reminds me of a guy I used to be involved with who was stingy with a lot of things.
Good posts and insights!...Years ago I volunteered to cook meals for homeless people. The program was sponsored by a church-based group...I was so impressed with a lot of the volunteers. Some of them really didn't have "much" themselves. They worked full time and had large families yet they made time to "help others" several nights a week...They were all modest people. They weren't after any "fame" or "glory."...But some of the "well-to-do" church people who came in seemed different. (Kind of "snooty.") They "looked down their noses" at the homeless people and it showed at times...I got upset when some of the "big-wigs" treated the homeless people like "heathens" or "stupid wild animals." The volunteers who cooked the meals and served the food didn't feel this way...There was definitely a "hierarchy" in place...Some of the "big-wig" church people placed the homeless people way, way down at the bottom. Next came the volununteers who actually did the "work." And some at the "top" just came in to "boss" everyone "around" and take "credit" for everything! They got their names in the newspaper a lot for all their "good deeds" and charity work...For some it was a "steppingstone" towards a career in local politics. (Later they would "climb the ladder" to state and national politics if all "went well" for them.)...Anyway I've seen this kind of "stuff" go on (too much) and I don't want to get all caught-up in my supposed "fame" and "glory!"
1717Guy...Thanks for your post. You're right. We can set ourselves up for disappointment if we expect lots of "thank you's" or praise for what we do for others..It seems hard for some people to say "thank you." It's not right on the "tip of their tongue." Same goes for complimenting others. It's not really normal or natural for them...I guess it's hard to "give" what we never "received" ourselves. Or hard to give other people praise or compliments when we don't feel "so good" about ourselves. What do you think?...I grew-up with parents who usually said "please" and "thank you" to me and each other and everyone!...They told me what they felt I did "wrong" but they also told me what they felt I did "right" too! And complimented me when they felt I deserved some praise. I guess I was just lucky.. I know that some people didn't receive praise very often from their parents. (And got criticized a lot.)...My life was far from perfect! My Dad could be a "rageaholic" every so often! But the "good" seemed to "outweigh" the "bad" for me...My Dad didn't hesitate to praise me if he thought I had some good ideas or solutions to a problem. (And this was nice!) He'd say: "You're sharp!" Or: "Smart thinking!"...And he was this way with my sons too. Or my Mom ...He was quick with praise for anyone who had ideas that he admired!
dreamofmonterey...Thanks for posting. You hit the "nail on the head" with the term "emotionally stingy." Sad that some people can be this way. I can relate to what you wrote. My first husband "went to town" and "bought out stores" and showered me with gifts on my birthday or our anniversary or at Christmas etc. But he was "missing" the rest of the time. Sad!...Sorry your Dad could be this way too. My "last" husband bought me a few things once in awhile but the greatest gift that he gave me was the "gift of himself!" He "stayed present" through "thick or thin" and didn't "bail out" or "disappear!"...Well in the end he did "disappear." He died! But his "spirit" and his love will always "live on" inside of me and all around me...But he's still a "turkey" for leaving me! (He always appreciated my honesty and sense of humor so it's okay to call him a "turkey" once in awhile. "Turkey" was one of his favorite "terms of endearment" for our cat and others!)
mistygrl092...Thanks for posting. You're right! People can be stingy when it comes to anything and everything!...Look at politics! Right now people are arguing over how to balance the budget nationally.. And in states and cities too!...Who gets to keep what they "have?" And who will be "cut?"...Having "limited funds" can lead to "battles" and bring out some "stinginess" in people. Don't you think?...Thanks for posting. What was the guy that you dated like? (The one you said was stingy.)
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