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I've been struggling with comparing myself to other people. As hard as I try, I look at my friend's, coworker's and acquaintances and what they have and most of the time I feel inferior in some way. I also feel like I should accomplish things by a certain age. Like I should be married and own my own place by now and it's all so overwhelming. I'm 27 and I feel like I'm doing well. I finished school, I traveled, I have a good job...but I'm just not where I should be. It makes it difficult for me to be happy about my accomplishments and happy for my friends. Does anyone else ever feel this way?
So, you should be married by now and own your own place. That was your goal by age 27? Why didn't you reach that goal? I always find it amusing that someone sets an age by which they plan to marry. My older son did that but he ran slightly over that age since one really doesn't have control of that since it involves the goals of another person also. And, I'm thinking that you planned to be married before getting your own place. You'll never be happy and satisfied if you are constantly comparing yourself to others. Things have a way of falling in place.
If anyone comares themselves with others they can always find someone better than they are and therefore will always be disapointed. There is always someone richer, more talanted better looking etc.
The only way to be happy is not to compare at all. Look for your talents and stong points and develope them. Don't look at other people.
Don't set standards and dates to acomplish things that other people approve of. That's another way for sure disapointment. Just be your self and lighten up. Look for joy in everything you do and don't look to others for approval. Just accept yourself for who you are and try your best.
This is funny, I was discussing this very thing with my friend the other day. What I do, is compare myself to homeless folks, and people in prison. I figure, "hey, I am doing pretty good!".
I'm sure you could be married and have a house by the time you are 28. Of course it might be the wrong partner and the wrong house. Waiting is better than jumping in with both feet because you feel behind your peers in some way. The keeping up with the Jone's syndrome does not bring peace and contentment.
Have you also thought of how much better off you are than many are these days? You might feel better about yourself if you focused a greater amount of time helping those that haven't been as fortunate as you have been. One way to feel a great sense of accomplishment is by becoming a mentor.
I took Spanish and Arabic Languages and joined all these forums on spirituality, put up with people who spoke to me poorly and who my spirit just did not feel were in my best interest from day one and because I really thought that I was suppose to be a certain way and should be a certain way in order to "be somebody". And I was very unhappy.
I learned that I am right where I am suppose to be and if I trust my heart, work hard, and do my own personal best (not comparing myself and deciding that their best is the same as my own), then I'll be hoytie toytie and okay.
No need to feel like you needed or need to be married and on your own at 27 years old. I am 41 and did not move out of my parents house until I was engaged which was at age 32. I did not get married until I was 35. I was not ready to be on my own and basically could not afford it because I did not save money.I felt the same way, I said by age 26 I wanted to be married and then a few years later have kids. Well that never happened at age 26 it happened later and I was fine with that because I married my best friend. The kids part never happened because of financial sitiuations at that time and due to our busy life we felt that kids were not in the cards for us. I am also fine with that. My life is so full that I don't need kids. We love kids but just decided we did not want our own, even though at one point we did.I used to compare myself to others also and I was told by mom "who cares what everyone else is doing or does?" "You should focus on you and your life and stop worrying about what others have and what you don't have.Just be thankful for what you have and I am.
Thanks for the encouragement. It's difficult to break out of the cycle of always comparing myself to others. I'll try jasper12's trick, lol. Maybe that'll help put things in perspective.
AnywhereElse, I'm not sure why I'm not where I'd imagined I'd be at this age. As for marriage, I guess I just haven't met the right person yet. I was engaged once but my fiance started treating me poorly and I was very unhappy. I didn't want to go in to a marriage that I knew was going to end in divorce. As far as buying a home, I live in an expensive area...but my work is here so I'm living with roommates to save money in the hopes of buying a place of my own in the city.
I worked with a lot of post-college, possible pre-grad school people around age 26. It seems they all spent their weekends attending weddings. A lot of them married each other after relatively brief time together. I feel like something kicked in and said, "It's time to get married," especially the guys, who seemed to marry whatever girlfriend they were with when it "was time," as opposed to having such a special connection that it called for marriage.
It's called "the script" and it trips people up *all the time*. (I am also ruefully amused for OP that marriage was supposed to happen by 27- where did the idea come from that a special connection would appear right on time)?
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