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So I've read through most of the posts on this thread. All of yours, I believe.
My only question is this: Why are you "vacationing" with your mom for a whole month?
There are lots of people that I love, and care for very much - both family and non-family - but I would not want to spend an entire month together. And those are GOOD relationships!
You need to limit the time you spend with your mother.Bite sized doses. There may come a day when you are at a point that you can spend longer amounts of time with her, but that is obviously not the case now.
You're the one who has to control this. Your mom is not going to.
Yes, what you say makes totally sense, I'm thinking about staying more time in my house and then come home for not so many days. I will do it next time and the last line you wrote, oh that's the whole truth! Thank you so much for your kind words
I'm not a teenager, I'm 24 lol. I came home from vacation and she has been doing all of this like 'I'm going to take a walk', I like it because i can think, well my oldest sister came home and my mom said: look, she can go to your home and you can go together to walk', not a big deal right but the problem is that she can't make plans about MY plans. When I go to have a walk alone is when i can't listen to her, I'm like dizzy. She has been teelling me for 2 days that she doesn't like my shorts, like what?! She think she owns me, I have my criterian and i think she doesn't agree with it, but she doesn't have to, she only has torespect me and she doesn't do it
I am 47 and my mother STILL treats me like this. Trust me, it's not going to stop. It's a parent thing. Probably Chapter 2 in the manual. All you can do is either a) move 5000 miles away like I did or b) buy some earplugs.
OP- just be who you need to be. If you are strong, loving, and draw those nice healthy boundaries, nothing your mom says can hurt you. You want that relationship with your sibs and father, and deep down, you also want a healthy relationship with your mom. You can have it. Read CoDependent No More, it's a great resource of how to treat people in your life, and how to be treated. Your world will change, I promise.
OP- just be who you need to be. If you are strong, loving, and draw those nice healthy boundaries, nothing your mom says can hurt you. You want that relationship with your sibs and father, and deep down, you also want a healthy relationship with your mom. You can have it. Read CoDependent No More, it's a great resource of how to treat people in your life, and how to be treated. Your world will change, I promise.
I'm going to look for the book, thank yo uso much for your kind words
Wow, it's like I'm reading my life story! I exactly am in the same situation. And I feel you, it is frustrating. There's nothing we can do about it, it's their personality. I just can't wait until I have my own family and I will try my best not to be like my mom. It sounds mean but I don't want my kids to experience what I have experienced. I love her but I hate her at the same time. You are not alone.
Not really but it's interesting. I live on my own since one and a half year ago, I came one month for vacation. And I know that if i get frustratend it doesn not mean that I'm not mature. She's a controller and that's her problem, does it affects me to hear the same things over and over again? Yes. I've talked to her but, with all respect my mom deserves, it seems I'm talking to a wall. I know this is the way she is and it's part of his persinality. My mom loves to know it all and to say everybody what they are syupposed to do. I'm not a child and I have understood that, she hasn't. Do I cry and yell in fron ot her? No. I talk to her or I try, does it have any positive result? No. It's my mother, she has been always this way and I don't expect her to change, does this frustrate me? YES. And I have the right to express it.
you are powerless over your mother
but you are NOT powerless over how you react to her
this is more about you than her
sounds like you need to learn how not to take everything she says so seriously
I'm visiting my Mom right now in her home and she never stops talking..she speaks very LOUD, as well. I have tinnitus so I asked her if she could stop talking so much.
She got mad and hid in her room.
I apologized for being blunt and rude to her.
I told her she must be lonely at the house all day because she is talking so much when we are here.. maybe join a group, get out and socialize.
She got mad again and left until evening when her husband would be home.
The next day she cried and told me I was right, she does need to get out more and socialize.
..but the annoying yelling from another floor of the house with a question or need, or forever having some kind of comment about everything, will probably never change..
which is a shame because I subconsciously block out her voice to remain at peace within myself.
Yes i also totally agree that we children really can't bear this RULING an interference of our mothers anymore the just really need to mind their own business
For the poster who said her mom talks loud, I notice I do that also because of hearing loss. I tell my kids to let me know to turn it down a notch.
I had my own home & kids, and my mom would call and say my dad drove by my house and my yard needs watered or mowed. I just let it go into one ear and out the other. We moved 200 miles away, and while they were visiting my dad yelled at me over something I did when I was 16. I pretended I had to go to work and just left rather than continue fighting. Drove away & set in my car and cried. I get where you're coming from, but I'd do anything to have my parents back as both have passed.
I totally stay out of my two grown sons business, I think I'm doing it right. BUT, my dil's mom & dad are very into their business/judge mental and I notice how much more my son and her Respect them than me. I don't get it. They're a bit afraid of her parents so they kiss their butts, but I feel like an afterthought. I guess kids or parents cant win. Good luck to you OP.
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I just let it go into one ear and out the other. We moved 200 miles away, and while they were visiting my dad yelled at me over something I did when I was 16. I pretended I had to go to work and just left rather than continue fighting. Drove away & set in my car and cried. I get where you're coming from, but I'd do anything to have my parents back as both have passed.
