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OK all, thank you for the kind advice. After my extreme research into this, it does not appear to be dementia, rather like one other personality is becoming present. Kind of like a 'possession'.
I think the first thing I need to do, in order to prove to her that things happen that she does not remember, is record the event- +1 to Joe. Then she can see that I have evidence, and am not lying.
I doubt that she would invite help without proof.
As for Sue's comment, I guess you don't understand what I meant by what could happen to me if I start poking around in the professional medical world, as a Man, with a very unique claim against his wife. Men are guilty before proven innocent. Period. Women/Mothers are given the benefit of doubt and consideration, IN ANY CIRCUMSTANCE. I have children, and there's this thing called Social Services... a blessing and a curse. Some of these people/case workers in "Protection" agencies, love to jump all over the Man in a situation, because they want to justify the years they spent in College. And I have my story, and she has hers. Mine sounds crazy. And unless I have proof to back up my claims, chances are that my rights will be overlooked. All to follow their protocol, and initially protect the Mother and children first. What a mess that could happen. I have to go about this carefully, and not just start involving agencies and unnecessary investigations.
Video evidence and her witnessing it, is step one.
Once she has realized the truth, seeking help is step two.
This way the children are fine, and agencies don't do a happy dance all over BOTH of our reputations.
Chuck, I have been a mental health professional for 30 years. I do not have to justify anything. Most of us came into this work to help. Serious helping professionals will not target you for trying to find out what is available to help her.
Some of what you describe sounds like dementia. I think you'd best start with your primary care physician and get a referral to a neurologist. Your family doctor could give your wife a simple Mini Status Exam which is a short interview that tests memory.
If your wife does have dementia, I suggest you contact the Alzheimer's Association. They have a great many resources that may be helpful to you. I don't know your location, but the Alz Assoc in New York City at 360 Lexington Ave. is fantastic. They have an extensive website and a hotline you can call to talk to someone about this problem.
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Thank you for your reply and help. It most certainly is not Dementia. It is exactly like a switch gets thrown, and she is suddenly a very different yet aware person that intentionally deceives and tries hard to make problems. Then after a crazy bout of argument, she walks away and 5-10 minutes later has no recollection of threatening to call the cops, and shouting at me all terrible things along with giving me a hefty bag to start packing my belongings so that I can move out. Suddenly she appears and says, "what are you doing?' I explain fully, she has a very genuinely confused look on her face, and says "no don't move out, I don't know what you are talking about" - this is not Dementia.
Chuck, I have been a mental health professional for 30 years. I do not have to justify anything. Most of us came into this work to help. Serious helping professionals will not target you for trying to find out what is available to help her.
Thank you for you kind words and help in his matter. She will not seek help, as she doesn't believe that she is having these moments where some type of evil second personality turns her off, and steps in and takes the wheel to cause fights and manipulate outcomes that are negative for all, especially me. I feel like I am totally alone in this, and there's no way to explain this to any professionals with sending up red flags of assumption. Men these days do not have any benefit of the doubt in the legal system. A lot of time has passed, not much has changed, but the children are now all over 18. I just want to go far away from the nightmare.
I am a former psychiatric nurse and I currently work in a related field. Many husbands and wives are the first to identify iratic, unusual and out right bizarre behavior.
No professional will fault you for seeking help. Child and Family Services will not be called if you seek help for your wife in a timely fashion. I'm a woman. and I can say with some certainty that there is no bias against men - especially a concerned spouse such as yourself.
However, if you are at all concerned about Child Services becoming involved, please do not hesitate to seek treatment for your wife. If she in any way hurts one of your children, throws something and accidently hits them, breaks a window and they are somehow injured - or attempts suicide in front of them, they may well become involved. Far worse than CPS involvement would be the emotional trauma that you allowed your children to experience watching their mother behave erratically. Worse yet, she could directly harm one of your children.
If you really do not know where to go, you can call 911 while she is behaving erratically. Try to do this while the children are out of the house. Do you have local friends, family or a neighbor who could watch them?
NO one in the mental health profession is going to suspect you because you are a man, OK? I do not know where you got that idea, but it simply is not true. At least half or more of mental health professionals are MEN themselves. I don't have exact statistics but there are no shortage of males in the field.
If you really do not know what to do, send me a direct message. I can point you in the right direction. How? I would GOOGLE your area.
You are doing the right thing in seeking help for her.
OP, you need to realize that not seeking help is contributing to the problem. It is very likely not going to get better. It is very likely to get worse. Your choice. You've been told over and over; that no one will fault you. You need a video camera to film her as evidence for when you call 911 during an episode. It doesn't matter if she snaps out of it 5 minutes later. You'd have solid evidence. I can't believe you haven't thought of that already.
You started this thread 8-1/2 years ago. It's been your choice to live with this. You say you want out, but you obviously don't. You aren't ready yet. What will it take to be ready?
How old is your wife?
Eyes are truly window to the soul,does she look like a different person?
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