Why do I feel like I will commit suicide in my future? (Serious question)

[jambo101]

Originally Posted by TySky

I am worried that i will try to attempt this is in the future.
Not depressed most of the time but at the same time I feel like I have a negative cloud hovering over me. Like at my job people love my smile and that I look so happy. Though when I get home Im quite the opposite I dont feel happy. More apathetic.

Suicide is not a natural human thought process,if you are thinking this way you've obviously got a short circuit in your thinking process that needs to be worked out with a therapist.
It is natural to become depressed from time to time its not natural to want to end your life as a consequence.

[nightbird47]

Originally Posted by Nothere1

1. In relating to chiluvr1228's comment, is this random or every time you get home(a set cycle)? What happens if you don't go home after work?
2. Worried - anxious or troubled about actual or potential problems. Anxiety?

You're reacting to a trigger. Since it happens when you go home, its likely that it is something to do with home, but it could be a particular small thing as well, something you associate with something reall down. This is a hard thing to isolate sometimes, but pay close arrtention to what your doing when it comes. Where are you, just outside the door? Hanging up your coat? Or is it the whole mood of the house?

As asked above, what if you don't go home right after work?

Triggers are hard to deal with since they tend to hit you hard, and something you see, hear, smell, words put together a certain way, a tone of voice, all sort of things can be the spark. But consider the pattern, and how it happens, and see if any one thing stands out.

And walk yourself through it in your head. Feel, hear, listen, repeat your normal retrurn. Let yourself feel the change and pay attention to what's going on. Consider how much of it is just normal and always the same. Try to change that. Break the pattern and sometimes you can see details obsured by the norm.

Something is setting it off, and the first step is to allow yourself to feel the details so you can figure out which one has to be adjusted first.

I have a few triggers which knock a great mood down to a dark pit just like that. The only thing I've found that helps is first figuring out just what flips the switch, and when it takes you to the dark place, allowing yourself to see it to find what gives it such hold.

[nightbird47]

Originally Posted by Nothere1;45970931.

Sorry, this should be for the OP.
In relating to chiluvr1228's comment, is this random or every time you get home(a set cycle)? What happens if you don't go home after work?
2. Worried - [U

anxious[/u] or troubled about actual or potential problems. Anxiety?

You're reacting to a trigger. Since it happens when you go home, its likely that it is something to do with home, but it could be a particular small thing as well, something you associate with something reall down. This is a hard thing to isolate sometimes, but pay close arrtention to what your doing when it comes. Where are you, just outside the door? Hanging up your coat? Or is it the whole mood of the house?

As asked above, what if you don't go home right after work?

Triggers are hard to deal with since they tend to hit you hard, and something you see, hear, smell, words put together a certain way, a tone of voice, all sort of things can be the spark. But consider the pattern, and how it happens, and see if any one thing stands out.

And walk yourself through it in your head. Feel, hear, listen, repeat your normal retrurn. Let yourself feel the change and pay attention to what's going on. Consider how much of it is just normal and always the same. Try to change that. Break the pattern and sometimes you can see details obsured by the norm.

Something is setting it off, and the first step is to allow yourself to feel the details so you can figure out which one has to be adjusted first.

I have a few triggers which knock a great mood down to a dark pit just like that. The only thing I've found that helps is first figuring out just what flips the switch, and when it takes you to the dark place, allowing yourself to see it to find what gives it such hold.

[Cardiff Giant]

Originally Posted by TySky

I am worried that i will try to attempt this is in the future.

I've felt the same way in recent months until I almost died for real last month. Since I came close now I know how many people care about me and would miss me greatly if I were to leave this planet. My (and your) life is precious.

Hang in there.

[chiluvr1228]

What I am feeling extremely depressed I absolutely must go home after work even if it triggers the depression and makes it worse. I have to be home, in my own surroundings.