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Your mom needs a lot of help, mental help. She is completely dysfunctional. Does she have health insurance? Is she on disability? She needs therapy badly.
You could sit down with your grandmother and go over a list of house rules. If your mother can't or won't meet the expectations, she can be told she will need to move out.
I don't know if a tough love talk with help with your mother or not. I would try before giving her an eviction notice. Sometimes people will come around when they find their back is against the wall. She is obviously very stubborn, but as much as we criticize "slackers" in society we also need to recognize that most of them need professional help.
She has state health insurance when she lived in Colorado but not since she moved out here.
And no she isn’t on disability.
I think I’m going to try and find a template I can tweak with MS word, like one for teens about house rules.
My mom will hate it and probably won’t sign anything.
Yeah my grandmother feels her hands are tied because she doesn’t want to put my mom out on the street and she’s worried if she does something and it pisses off my moms father, my grandmother ex husband that he’ll financially cut my mom off and cut her from his will. So she’s worried anything she does will result in my mother permantely being a financial burden on the whole family.
He’s currently paying for my moms cell phone, gas, car insurance, cigarettes and my grandmother is supplying a place to live and food.
I will have to look into getting her card changed because my mom had it saved to her Walmart app. She only grocery shops online and will go pick it up.
Well, you can't change your grandmother's enabling behavior, but you can just be sure you aren't part of it.
Yeah my grandmother feels her hands are tied because she doesn’t want to put my mom out on the street and she’s worried if she does something and it pisses off my moms father, my grandmother ex husband that he’ll financially cut my mom off and cut her from his will. So she’s worried anything she does will result in my mother permantely being a financial burden on the whole family.
He’s currently paying for my moms cell phone, gas, car insurance, cigarettes and my grandmother is supplying a place to live and food.
I will have to look into getting her card changed because my mom had it saved to her Walmart app. She only grocery shops online and will go pick it up.
I don't understand...EVICT her and let grandfather help mom out if needed...why would he cut her off? Why can't she live with him? Can grandmother help a bit with finances if possible? Or you? Is mom not on ss yet???
Does grandfather understand the issues at the house right now?
You seem to frown on any suggestions...maybe you just need to vent...?? Sorry for your situation.
I don't understand...EVICT her and let grandfather help mom out if needed...why would he cut her off? Why can't she live with him? Can grandmother help a bit with finances if possible? Or you? Is mom not on ss yet???
Does grandfather understand the issues at the house right now?
You seem to frown on any suggestions...maybe you just need to vent...?? Sorry for your situation.
gma is worried that the reasons for evicting her would make her ex-husband mad (rightfully so). Then, if he cuts her out of the will, the family will be burdened with her finances forever. I don't understand that, because the rest of the family could simply refuse to, but remember gma is a MOTHER. She doesn't want her daughter cut out of the will. Sounds like she'd end up in the street, and a mother never wants that for their child.
This is a terrible situation because the gma is going to pay health-wise with all the stress.
I don't understand...EVICT her and let grandfather help mom out if needed...why would he cut her off? Why can't she live with him? Can grandmother help a bit with finances if possible? Or you? Is mom not on ss yet???
Does grandfather understand the issues at the house right now?
You seem to frown on any suggestions...maybe you just need to vent...?? Sorry for your situation.
I mostly want to figure out what is wrong with my mom so I can deal with her better.
She can’t live with him because he won’t put up with the way she lives. His wife died maybe 2 years ago and he’s working on wife #6 or something. He doesn’t have time for my mom and she’d chase away his women being such a issue. So no she can’t and won’t go live with him.
My grandmother also won’t kick her out. She’s totally with it and even drives, she’s got horrible back and knee issues and needs help physically getting around. She’s very involved in our town.
Abuse seems a little dramatic too. She’s a biotch, a grotsky little biotch. She’s spoiled, entitled and whiney.
My grandmother asked for help with groceries but my mom feels entitled to add whatever she wants to the list. It’s allvwry childish, delinquent teenage behavior.
He’s very unaware my grandmother is unhappy and probably doesn’t care.
My grandmother has been supporting my mom for the last 53 years, she stopped paying for my moms rent and then her dad picked up the bill and then he cut her off and she had to move in with her mom. She’s worried she won’t have enough to last her retirement. She’s literally given my mom $2000+ a month for decades and now has very little. My mom bled her dry.
I could technically help my mom out financially but I rather snuggle a live alligator jacked up on PCP.
I’m not giving her a dime, ever. She isn’t getting a damn thing from me. I won’t even clean up after her, I’ll go over there and clean and make my mom do her stuff while I’m there. That’s where my issues start.
My mom fights me on everything and the more she does the more I’ve been treating her like a child.
gma is worried that the reasons for evicting her would make her ex-husband mad (rightfully so). Then, if he cuts her out of the will, the family will be burdened with her finances forever. I don't understand that, because the rest of the family could simply refuse to, but remember gma is a MOTHER. She doesn't want her daughter cut out of the will. Sounds like she'd end up in the street, and a mother never wants that for their child.
This is a terrible situation because the gma is going to pay health-wise with all the stress.
Exactly. Problem is my brother would pay for her. He’s young and not in a position to do so right now or I bet he would be.
I know he will when he’s older and it makes me sad because I worry what it will do to his personal life.
I’m the only one who outright refuses to help her.
And yes to the person who said I need to vent, yes part of me does.
I want a mother I can love and be proud of when I think of her. Instead I get angry because she isn’t what I feel a mother is supposed to be like. She refuses to even go out in public. She won’t go grocery shopping with me, out to eat with me, nothing.
Fighting with your mother may feel rewarding, but I had a similar situation with my brother, and all this did was increase my mother's anxiety, blood pressure, etc.
Just FYI. You are in a losing battle completely. I had to, in order to get to my mother, like you need to get to your gma, ignore him.
Exactly. Problem is my brother would pay for her. He’s young and not in a position to do so right now or I bet he would be.
I know he will when he’s older and it makes me sad because I worry what it will do to his personal life.
I’m the only one who outright refuses to help her.
And yes to the person who said I need to vent, yes part of me does.
I want a mother I can love and be proud of when I think of her. Instead I get angry because she isn’t what I feel a mother is supposed to be like. She refuses to even go out in public. She won’t go grocery shopping with me, out to eat with me, nothing.
Gutless family. Can't stand living with the creature they created by enabling her for 50 years. Can't get rid of her because they feel "guilty" and are clinging to some fantasy about what a "mother" should be.
This woman isn't going to change. There are only two decisions here. Pick one and live with it.
Update:
I’m currently in Dallas with my mom, brother and grandmother.
My Papaw passed away April 29th.
My mom doesn’t plan on living with my grandmother much longer but how long she’ll be out on her own is underdetermined at this time because history has proven her to be irresponsible.
That’s really all I have for now.
I’ll keep everyone updated.
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