Is the term "sweetie" meant to be condescending to seniors? (home, living)

[tandcookies]

My mom came over today and was really aggravated. She said in 3 different places today she was called, "sweetie." The first time it was a neighbor who knows her first and last name and called her sweetie like she was talking to a little kid. The next place was the man in the post office... he would not know her name. Lastly, at her doctor's office, the doctor called her sweetie.

Mom thinks it's rather condescending to call someone in their 70s that term. She said she's thinking about dyeing her gray hair b/c she feels like by being spoken to in that manner, people are treating her like she is senile and she is not.

So I tried to make her feel better and said not everyone is anti senior citizen and remember how Uncle Leo on Seinfeld thinks everyone is an anti semite. Mom is a lot of fun and laughed.

I told her next time to say, "Oh please feel free to call me by my name...."

So are people being anti senior and condescending or do you think they are just trying to be kind?

[ccnj]

I work with someone that says sweetie and honey all the time. I find it annoying, but they do it to everyone so I'm not insulted.

[EB2]

I don't find it condescending so much as annoying if the person is older. I've had 15 year olds call me "Hun" "Sweetie" etc, and just find it annoying. I only call people "Sweetie" if I'm older (and generally only call small children that term [10 yo and under]), or if I'm just joking around with someone, and it's known that it's stated in a joking manner.

I'm pretty polite when it comes to those older than me - especially if they're my parents age +. Generally use terms like "Ma'am/Mrs./Miss" "Ladies" "Sir/Mr." "Gentlemen" and variations of such.

[JWhiskey]

I absolutely think it IS inappropriate. I used to work with seniors at an assisted living home for about 7 years. Rule number one was that using those terms ("sweetie, honey, Etc") was absolutely forbidden! I think a lot of it has to do with the fact that , sadly in my particular situation, some of these people have begun to revert back to childhood from dealing with various illness and feeling abandoned by their families, and it's best not to bring it to their attention (duh!) I'm sure they're not exactly psyched that they can't cook their own meals, or function independently any longer .

In regular day to day life, especially at work, I personally feel like it's COMPLETELY inappropriate for anyone except children perhaps. Especially when you're talking to someone older than you! A girl I worked with used to call everyone on the phone that, and it drove me nuts! We've even had complaints called in about it. Your mother's frustration is totally legitimate.

[Viralmd]

It's VERY condescending- from the Oct 6 NY Times: http://www.nytimes.com/2008/10/07/us/07aging.html

[doc1]

I like to assume someone is being kind or just plain nice if I have no reason to believe otherwise.

[JERSEY MAN]

My dad called my mom sweetie up until he died. That was OK, but to call someone you don't know sweetie is kind of acknowledging that you think they are either older or a female IMO.

[Orlando Nigerian]

Me and my brother actually experience similar situations all the time. My brother and I look a LOT younger than we actually are. My brother is 26, but comes off as a humble, young, quiet 21 yr. old. Many other men call him "buddy" all the time and it pisses him off to no end!! He absolutelely hates a "Well I'll go ahead and see if I can do that for you buddy." I am 27, but come off as a sweet, young, humble 22 yr. old. I CAN'T STAND BEING CALLED SWEETIE!!!! ESPECIALLY, if it's by a guy. Not only is it condescending and has a sexist feel to it, but it just means you don't take me seriously as a mature adult. The worst part of it is, since they are only being endearing and don't mean to be condescending, it seems like all you can do is just accept it and hold your anger in. I would say though that if any one person keeps addressing you this way repeatedly that you should call them on it.

[stevemorse]

no its just a term of endearment. I say to some people thanks sweetheart when they do something nice for me. Or I say thanks your a sweetie!! I am guilty!

[tahiti]

it's all in the context. a nice, older woman calling me sweetie in a store won't ruffle my feathers, but a old crotchety data center technician saying "*SIGH*, no sweetie, there's nothing wrong" when I ask him to check fibre from a server to a cisco switch will get me every time (and yes, that has happened).