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What would you say is the best suburb next to a metro-north or long island rail road stop that is only approx 30 to 45 min away from midtown? Something that is a great place for families but still has shopping/eating in walking distance from "relatively" affordable housing/apartments?
Totally depends where in Midtown you're going. If you need to get by Grand Central, look north. If closer to Penn Station, NJ and LI.
I don't know suburban apt prices that well, but in Westchester I'd take a look at Hastings, Dobbs Ferry, Irvington, Bronxville (pricier though the Yonkers area of Bronxville PO are less and close to the train), Pelham, Larchmont, Mamaroneck, even White Plains (some trains faster than others, a lot to do downtown these days). On LI the train ride is often longer as you have to go through the tunnel, cross Queens, and sometimes change at Jamaica. Closer to the city line there is Lynbrook, Malverne, New Hyde Park, Garden City, Mineola, and the North Shore villages (E.g. Great Neck, Manhasset, Port Washington).
If you're open to NJ you have more of a trek before you get to less urban places but check out Maplewood, Montclair, Nutley, Rutherford, Ridgewood.