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I ask this because my husband HATES the holidays (he has a dysfunctional family, does not have any traditions spending time with family, etc.) and every year it's a big fight between me, him and my parents/brothers about where him and I spend the holidays.
my parents and my brothers expect us to spend Xmas AND Thanksgiving with them and get offended if we don't do this (in fact, they get offended if we aren't jumping for joy at the idea of doing this). they just do not understand how we could be so "anti-holiday."
my husband, on the other hand, doesn't care about the holidays and would rather spend that precious time off from work traveling, doing home repairs or any other thing rather than sitting around a turkey. me? i like the holidays but i am fine missing them one year too. it's not life or death, like it is for my family. mostly i just like the food.
So I am put in the position every year of having to choose between my husband and my family.
Both of them are wrong, and you're stuck in the middle between them.
Tell your parents that they don't get a monopoly on your free time. One of the two major holidays each year is fine. The other time is for you. And if they don't get it, it's their problem not yours.
On the other hand, tell your husband to grow the hell up. He didn't just marry you. He married your family, too. And being part of a family means participating in its life. One family gathering a year won't kill him. Heck, my in-laws aren't exactly a picnic, either. But grownups learn to sometimes do things they don't necessarily want, and do it with a positive attitude.
Life is about compromising sometimes. And both your family and your husband need to learn how to make them.
I ask this because my husband HATES the holidays (he has a dysfunctional family, does not have any traditions spending time with family, etc.) and every year it's a big fight between me, him and my parents/brothers about where him and I spend the holidays.
my parents and my brothers expect us to spend Xmas AND Thanksgiving with them and get offended if we don't do this (in fact, they get offended if we aren't jumping for joy at the idea of doing this). they just do not understand how we could be so "anti-holiday."
my husband, on the other hand, doesn't care about the holidays and would rather spend that precious time off from work traveling, doing home repairs or any other thing rather than sitting around a turkey. me? i like the holidays but i am fine missing them one year too. it's not life or death, like it is for my family. mostly i just like the food.
So I am put in the position every year of having to choose between my husband and my family.
help!
Who doesn't have a dysfunctional family? I think it's a redundant term. My wife and I attend family functions as necessary, and view it as entertainment. There's great fodder for conversation for months to come following a family get together.
But the family seems to insist on both holidays. In families the gung-ho holiday people always seem to get their way and don't do any compromising. Holidays are sheer torture for many people and it is politically incorrect to not go along all the time. I would love to see a lightening up of this attitude, especially since holidays are not being viewed as anything sacred anymore. More like Stressmas.
I think it's a good thing to do the compromise, one holiday for yourselves, one with family and stick to your guns when heck breaks loose with the family.
Both of them are wrong, and you're stuck in the middle between them.
Tell your parents that they don't get a monopoly on your free time. One of the two major holidays each year is fine. The other time is for you. And if they don't get it, it's their problem not yours.
On the other hand, tell your husband to grow the hell up. He didn't just marry you. He married your family, too. And being part of a family means participating in its life. One family gathering a year won't kill him. Heck, my in-laws aren't exactly a picnic, either. But grownups learn to sometimes do things they don't necessarily want, and do it with a positive attitude.
Life is about compromising sometimes. And both your family and your husband need to learn how to make them.
Who doesn't have a dysfunctional family? I think it's a redundant term. My wife and I attend family functions as necessary, and view it as entertainment. There's great fodder for conversation for months to come following a family get together.
It is not always "funny". Holidays ARE the most stressful time of the year and a peak time for heart attacks and strokes. The pressure and chaos is at odds with what these holidays are supposed to mean.
Yes, my family insists on BOTH holidays. It's like the end of the world if we do not do both holidays with them. Never mind that we (my hubs included) spend plenty of time with them the rest of the year. My hubs doesn't understand why the holidays are "end of the world important." My family doesn't understand why we don't think they are "end of the world important."
Meanwhile, my therapist says that my husband is my NEW and no. 1 family, not my parents/brothers. And that I need to do what is best for my new family and move on. I think that is a bit extreme.
I think the problem is that my husband is willing to compromise (one holiday), while my family is not. And then I feel guilty about them (my parents/brothers) being offended.
Of course all of this makes me like the holidays EVEN LESS. In fact, this is prolly why I am starting to hate them (which is great for hubs, not great for fam). I'd much rather be trekking through Morocco than sitting around the parental living room watching everyone get annoyed with each other.
Yes, my family insists on BOTH holidays. It's like the end of the world if we do not do both holidays with them. Never mind that we (my hubs included) spend plenty of time with them the rest of the year. My hubs doesn't understand why the holidays are "end of the world important." My family doesn't understand why we don't think they are "end of the world important."
Meanwhile, my therapist says that my husband is my NEW and no. 1 family, not my parents/brothers. And that I need to do what is best for my new family and move on. I think that is a bit extreme.
I think the problem is that my husband is willing to compromise (one holiday), while my family is not. And then I feel guilty about them (my parents/brothers) being offended.
Of course all of this makes me like the holidays EVEN LESS. In fact, this is prolly why I am starting to hate them (which is great for hubs, not great for fam). I'd much rather be trekking through Morocco than sitting around the parental living room watching everyone get annoyed with each other.
Well, then it's time for you to grow up and not worry about what your family thinks. That means growing a backbone and politely telling your family that this is the way it's going to be. And, yes, they'll probably be ticked at you for a year or so. Afterwards, it will become the new reality. And if they can't handle it, it's their problem, not yours.
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