Is her mom at fault? (talks, person, children, brother)
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
There's a woman who's 29 and she got involved with a man 21 yrs her senior when she was 16. She moved in with him after she graduated high school at 18, had her first child at 21 and the second one at 25. He has been mentally abusive to her throughout the relationship, a cheater and also gave her a STD (curable). She went visited a childhood friend because she's been depressed and don't know what to do. The friend advised her to leave and questioned why she feels the need to stay when he doesn't provide anything for her or the kids. He works but he takes his money and buys what he wants while he uses her money to pay the bills nor does he do anything financially for the kids. The guy has never bought diapers or ANYTHING!
Her and the kids recently moved in with her mom and she's trying to look for her own place. When she talks to the childhood friend she blames her mother for allowing her to get involved with the guy when she was underage when she met him. I personally don't feel it's the mom's fault because she knew what she was doing was wrong. Sure her mom could have stepped in and had the guy arrested but maybe her mom feels that would have only caused her to be rebellious and run to another man. She wants to blame her mother for the mess she's made of her life and to some degree I don't think that's fair. She also chose to be with him as long as she did and have kids with him so that's totally her. Even though her mom allowed it, didn't mean she had to do it and it's hard to feel sympathy for her when she KNEW what she was doing.
Your thoughts?
Last edited by Shysister; 06-20-2010 at 05:04 AM..
she is looking to blame someone besides herself. you have a great insight on it, yes mom could have called the cops, maybe should have but would that have stopped her or only made her want to be with him more. tell her not to play the what if game. sometimes friends don't tell friends what they really think because they worry it will hurt their feelings. I think you should tell her what you think in the most diplomatic way possible. allowing her to continue to think it is all on her mom is not doing her any favors
I agree with you, and how dare she blame her mom when at the same time she's living in her moms home (with her children) and probably eating her moms food.
There's a woman who's 29 and she got involved with a man 21 yrs her senior when she was 16. She moved in with him after she graduated high school at 18, had her first child at 21 and the second one at 25. He has been mentally abusive to her throughout the relationship, a cheater and also gave her a STD (curable). She went visited a childhood friend because she's been depressed and don't know what to do. The friend advised her to leave and questioned why she feels the need to stay when he doesn't provide anything for her or the kids. He works but he takes his money and buys what he wants while he uses her money to pay the bills nor does he do anything financially for the kids. The guy has never bought diapers or ANYTHING!
Her and the kids recently moved in with her mom and she's trying to look for her own place. When she talks to the childhood friend she blames her mother for allowing her to get involved with the guy when she was underage when she met him. I personally don't feel it's the mom's fault because she knew what she was doing was wrong. Sure her mom could have stepped in and had the guy arrested but maybe her mom feels that would have only caused her to be rebellious and run to another man. She wants to blame her mother for the mess she's made of her life and to some degree I don't think that's fair. She also chose to be with him as long as she did and have kids with him so that's totally her. Even though her mom allowed it, didn't mean she had to do it and it's hard to feel sympathy for her when she KNEW what she was doing.
Your thoughts?
She only THOUGHT she knew what she was doing. At 16 and 18 you really have no clue
You should have sympathy because it's the right thing to do for anyone who is hurting, not because someone "deserves" your sympathy.
I blame mom, but only up to a point. It was her job to protect her young, stupid daughter from her own stupidy and she didn't. When the whole thing started at 16 mom should have acted swiftly to nip it all in the bud, getting the police involved if necessary.
But after the marriage and the decision to have 2 kids with this guy the young woman has to start taking responsibility for her own life and her own choices.
Blaming your parents, EVEN WHEN THEY ARE CULPABLE, is not something mature adults do.
Tell her to grow up, accept that she made the choices that put her where she finds herself today and to start making better choices about her life going forward - she's got 2 kids now depending on HER not to make the mistakes her mother did.
She only THOUGHT she knew what she was doing. At 16 and 18 you really have no clue
You should have sympathy because it's the right thing to do for anyone who is hurting, not because someone "deserves" your sympathy.
I blame mom, but only up to a point. It was her job to protect her young, stupid daughter from her own stupidy and she didn't. When the whole thing started at 16 mom should have acted swiftly to nip it all in the bud, getting the police involved if necessary.
But after the marriage and the decision to have 2 kids with this guy the young woman has to start taking responsibility for her own life and her own choices.
Blaming your parents, EVEN WHEN THEY ARE CULPABLE, is not something mature adults do.
Tell her to grow up, accept that she made the choices that put her where she finds herself today and to start making better choices about her life going forward - she's got 2 kids now depending on HER not to make the mistakes her mother did.
This reminds me of other quite popular threads that are now closed.
At 18, she was technically an adult but had no clue about predatory older men. Her mother should have warned her, maybe she did and if so, there was nothing she could do once she became 18.
Think this tells you something about an 18 year old making serious life decisions but many men think she's fair game.
Still, some headstrong, 'mature' girls fall prey and it's the predators that get kicked whilst pouncing and suffer a severe blow as well.
She's looking to blame someone for the mess she got herself into. It's no one's fault but herself and she needs to take responsibility for the poor choice of a man she picked.
After making many mistakes while young I continued to blame my mother for many years until one of my brothers told me one day that it really was time I stopped blaming her. "We all know she was a total mess at being a mother", he said, "but you're an adult now and have to make your own decisions and accept the consequences." He was absolutely right. Although to this day I understand and acknowledge the very negative impact she had on my childhood and formative years my life and my decisions have been mine and mine alone for the ensuing decades and when I mess up I look only to myself. You'd be doing your friend a big favor by pointing this out to her.
Ever try to tell a 16-19 year old girl what to do when she is "in love?" Good luck with that. Easier to move a mountain.
Not her mother's fault - and I would love to hear her mother's version of the story. Quite different probably.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
