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Location: Everybody is going to hurt you, you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for-B Marley
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Quote:
Originally Posted by max's mama
Dan Olweus, creator of the Olweus Bullying Prevention Program, provides us with this commonly accepted definition for bullying in his book, Bullying at School: What We Know and What We Can Do:
"A person is bullied when he or she is exposed, repeatedly and over time, to negative actions on the part of one or more other persons, and he or she has difficulty defending himself or herself."
This definition includes three important components:
This is from the website of Bullying Prevention Program. The bolded above is very much like the situation with OP. Feeling isolated, being a victim of little "prickly" comments that make OP feel inferior is a form of bullying.
I have a young child and bullying problem is very important to me right now, so I'm very well aware of what it means.
The only problem I have with this is the pattern repeated over time part. Or am I missing something? I'm thinking of a bully picking on someone he/she has never seen before and will probably never see again, say, at a park or someplace one or the other doesn't usually frequent.
Also, about finding friendship: adults after high school don't enter into a group (work, school, etc) desperate to find a friend in that group. That's what's awesome about high school being OVER: you can seek out friends other than the idiots you see everyday. You need to change your thinking. Don't think "omg are any of these people going to like me???? PLEASE just ONE of you be my friend!!!!" Think "do any of these people seem like they have qualities I want in a friend?" If not, don't lower your standards. Just move on.
Find friends by joining local groups or going to events that relate to your interests. Once again if you don't find anyone there, just move on to the next thing. Don't let it bother you so much.
Location: Everybody is going to hurt you, you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for-B Marley
9,516 posts, read 20,003,071 times
Reputation: 9418
Quote:
Originally Posted by bicoastal10
You're not being realistic. Do you think the star of the high school football team gets bullied? How about the homecoming queen or the good looking rich kid that gets all the girls? Of course not! It's because they are deemed to have a high social value and people who have a high social value are looked up to, not down to. Also, all of the people I just named have one thing in common: they all exude confidence. People who get bullied are looked down at because they are viewed as lesser than and vulnerable; usually because they come across and shy, insecure, and unconfident.
Once the OP gets some confidence, becomes sure of himself, and lets other know that he's sure of himself, the bullying will decrease. People pick on others when they think they can get away with it.
YOU are not being realistic. So it's the fault of the one being bullied for not being on the football team...or for not being the homecoming queen....or for not being good looking enough according to the bullies standards...? And I've known many kids of privilege who didn't exude confidence and were, in fact, bullies. A bully is not someone who exudes confidence. He robs others of theirs to build his own. That's a thief. Bullies need to be held accountable for their actions and adults need to stop blaming their victims. Some people are timid, passive and solitary. That's just who they are. If you don't like them that doesn't give you the right to bully them. A bully is a bully is a bully. That's who they are. The difference between the two is the timid, passive, loner isn't doing anyone else harm by being himself.
Was going to agree with your other posting, but also have to 100% agree with this one as well! In fact, I will rep you for it!
Bullying is not right at all, but sometimes the person gettng bullied really needs to look at their personality/looks in general. Don't act weak, act confident and the results can be extremely surprising!
Quote:
Originally Posted by bicoastal10
You're not being realistic. Do you think the star of the high school football team gets bullied? How about the homecoming queen or the good looking rich kid that gets all the girls? Of course not! It's because they are deemed to have a high social value and people who have a high social value are looked up to, not down to. Also, all of the people I just named have one thing in common: they all exude confidence. People who get bullied are looked down at because they are viewed as lesser than and vulnerable; usually because they come across and shy, insecure, and unconfident.
Once the OP gets some confidence, becomes sure of himself, and lets other know that he's sure of himself, the bullying will decrease. People pick on others when they think they can get away with it.
Location: Everybody is going to hurt you, you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for-B Marley
9,516 posts, read 20,003,071 times
Reputation: 9418
Quote:
Originally Posted by LoveBoating
Was going to agree with your other posting, but also have to 100% agree with this one as well! In fact, I will rep you for it!
Bullying is not right at all, but sometimes the person gettng bullied really needs to look at their personality/looks in general. Don't act weak, act confident and the results can be extremely surprising!
This is why bullying will never end. It's the 'Well what was the rape victim wearing?' syndrome.
Ok, I sort of understand where you are coming from as well, BUT I have MUCH more insight on life, at age 62, that YOU do! Bullying is wrong, but the person getting bullied DOES need to take a BIG TIME look at themselves and ask "why is this happening" and go from there. Some people will do/say things that will cause people to bully them......right or wrong, but simple FACT!
During part of my high school years, the bus drivers grandson use to flip the back of my ears when I'd sit in the seat in front of him. Sometimes there was no other seat available when I got on the bus. I'd tell him to stop, and of course, that didn't do any good. Finally, the week before I startered driving a car to school, I turned around and popped the kid in the eye with my fist. The kid was completely shocked and his granddad (the bus driver) looked up in the mirror and said "you deserved that, Jeff". The kid had a blackeye the next morning when he came on the bus and some of the other kids thought I was a hero for doing it! Of course I don't suggest doing something like that today because knives and guns have replaced fists, but back then it worked and made me happy and truely raised my confidence level!
Quote:
Originally Posted by Whyte Byrd
YOU are not being realistic. So it's the fault of the one being bullied for not being on the football team...or for not being the homecoming queen....or for not being good looking enough according to the bullies standards...? And I've known many kids of privilege who didn't exude confidence and were, in fact, bullies. A bully is not someone who exudes confidence. He robs others of theirs to build his own. That's a thief. Bullies need to be held accountable for their actions and adults need to stop blaming their victims. Some people are timid, passive and solitary. That's just who they are. If you don't like them that doesn't give you the right to bully them. A bully is a bully is a bully. That's who they are. The difference between the two is the timid, passive, loner isn't doing anyone else harm by being himself.
I totally understand what you are saying below, but.........
I'm a former EMT who worked with law enforcement and please remember, it's not just that syndrome, there's another part of it as well: "I hate him for breaking up with me so I'll say he raped me! I'll get back at that SOB one way or the other".......until the girl has to fess up to law enforcement about the what really happened.....nothing!
Yes, boys and men are suppose to have control of their actions, but girls/ladies must control their actions and look at what they are wearing as well!
Quote:
Originally Posted by Whyte Byrd
This is why bullying will never end. It's the 'Well what was the rape victim wearing?' syndrome.
Last edited by BabyBoomers2; 10-31-2011 at 12:55 PM..
Continuous teasing is a form of bullying. Perhaps YOU need to reread the original post and feel how upset and angry OP sounds. You seem to concentrate too much on proving your point to me.
I'm not unfamiliar with the emotional aspect of the OP's delivery nor what's behind it as I've responded kindly towards him pretty much since he started posting. In fact I did defend him once, behind the lines as it were, when I felt that he was being rather bullied by someone on another thread he started.
There's no question that he's had difficulty in this, his first real job at 20 years old as a stocker and a cashier in a dollar store. Obviously his employers have given him quite a bit of leeway to date, as evidenced by the OP's own words.
What I do see as problematic is when some posters immediately take his side. For example, a problem with a manager who he says is treating him snippily when so many of the responders immediately start on variations of that perpetual, "all managers suck" theme. Now the silly teasing which has in a heartbeat become outright bullying and merits Big Action? Good grief.
Maybe an internet forum isn't necessarily a good avenue to walk down looking for answers when one is a little challenged. Positive input as in, "keep your head up", and "concentrate on your job" work a whole lot better than the negatives which have been tossed around on this thread. By throwing out negatives you only feed his own negativity.
it won't end, bullying will never end. people get bullied in work places all the time. And yes i do participate in gossip very frequently about people that I don't like. If you are a girl, you will be judged by how you dress if you dress like a ragdoll you will get "bullied". If you are a guy and the typical nerd type, yes people will 'bully' you. You will be judged by your looks and how you carry yourself until the day you die. Blame society.
Sorry to be negative but that is just the way things are.
So basically you are a social darwinist? Is that what you are saying here?
I'm freakin 20 years old, have been out of high school for 3 years, and the ****ing bullying continues? When can I get a damn break and make a simple regular friendship with someone? A few weeks ago at work I decided to make a comment that was supposed to be sorta funny, and now I get bullied and picked on by some people at work. I work at a dollar store and some of the workers are around my age or a few years younger and in high school, so I guess it sorta makes sense.
I'm in trade school learning graphic design and printing, and things are going okay there so far. No bullying. It's been a month that I started and hopefully I can (finally) make a real simple damn friendship. I do get along with people there.
In case anyone's wondering about the comment I made at work, here's what happened. I was cashiering along with the other 3 cashiers and one of them was getting kinda pissed that I was keeping on asking for change when I ran out. They would rather I ask for all the change I needed at once (pennies, nickels, dimes, etc.) So at the end of the day she was talking about it aloud with another cashier and I was just joking around saying "Yeah, it was so much fun asking you for all the change all the time." It got a few laughs and that was all I meant to do. Now they freakin pick on me (not all the time though) saying dumb stuff like "hey *****, that girl likes you, u interested?, how long u been single?? blah blah blah"
So how can this bullying finally end for good? Never joke around ever again? Also any advice on how to fix my reputation at work or at least have the idiots stop picking on me?
Well...you need to just get over yourself. Everyone has to deal with a-holes at some point. It doesn't end. But what can end is your negative reaction to it. You have to change your attitude and grow a thicker skin especially if you are going in to design. Its not going to be sunshine and lemon drops like school at all.
I don't see what you said in this post as picking on you unless it was in the tone. Just seems they are joking around. If .you think they are being mean just don't react to it. Its really that simple. Its only a dollar store. Go look for a different place to work. Not all retail is like that. I have had jobs that I stayed at less than a week and others for years as I went to school.
I would go apply at a print shop if I were you.
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