Hi, Puff. (wave) No, I don't get along with my MIL. Well, I mean outwardly I get along with her. My DH and I have always had problems--since the beginning--and he let out all sorts of things about me to her in the beginning, not all of it 100% true. I think he had a panic reaction and wanted to make things seem really one-sided just in case he needed "help" (financial) moving out, etc. It was done in panic but MIL definitely thinks I'm not worth her son and it shows over and over again.
She's not a bad person per se, and I'm not a fabulous stellar example of humanity 100% of the time, but she is a bit of a control freak to the point of the family doing this weird musical-chairs shuffle at every get-together so that they don't have to be the ones to sit near her. I feel she has some really deep-seated issues that cause her to need to control absolutely everything. She will, for example, offer to watch the kids but when we call to take her up on it, immediately that frozen tone comes on and no matter what day we pick, no matter what time, etc., it will be "a bad time". Then she'll turn around and call 24 hours later and announce that some other obscure time that couldn't possibly work out for anyone is "the right time". Then if we--that's WE, my husband and I both--have any problem with the date/time she will proceed to call a bunch of family members to tell them how "JerZ won't allow" her to see her grandson, etc. Just weird things like that.
Again, I'm not saying I don't have any weirdnesses of my own, but being controlled from afar is just not my cup of tea. We had found that a more "standard" time for her to see our middle son (she never takes the baby, she is seriously uncomfortable around him for some reason we can't fathom, so he balks at her, too) made sense. That way she knew in advance and didn't feel taken advantage of or whatever. So, that good day was Saturday. We let her pick it, and all was well. Not every Saturday, but when she sees C it's a Saturday. Anyway, ironically, we just ran into this again today. She had asked early in the week if she could take C Saturday. I told her (this was by e-mail) that today (Saturday) we were actually all going to a friend's house for dinner. They're the parents of one of C's friends, actually. So of course C was going. I told her Sunday would be great though, or else if that didn't work for her, another Saturday would be fine.
She didn't answer that at all. In fact, she never gave me an answer until just an hour or two ago, whereupon she announced that they "will" be taking C on Sunday. She then went on in a sort of angry/this-is-what-you-get voice that the only good time for her to pick C up is 9:00 (I don't know why the anger part...that would be fine with me); that she couldn't take him until 5:00 (again, okay...so what? She could take him to McDonald's for one hour, a visit is a visit, is it a big deal?), and went on in a pained/agonized voice that it was because Sunday is SUCH an inconvenient day and the traffic is SO bad, etc. It's weird because who was twisting her arm to take him this weekend at all? The point was that we messed with the program by agreeing to dinner with friends without consulting her first...seriously...and this was our punishment or whatever...it was weird.
She also almost never acknowledges E, our toddler, as I mentioned above. From birth she has mentioned, among her few comments even in his general direction, that he looks like me. I guess that's the tip-off there...
She buys presents for C constantly, and clothes. I think she has bought clothes for the baby perhaps once. Yes, once. Clothing she came across at a garage sale. Well, this week in the middle of this whole Saturday/Sunday shuffle she e-mailed me that she was planning on buying clothes for all the grandchildren. Note, the operative word here is "all". And then asked what size C is.
She never even mentioned E.
So I wrote back and INCLUDED E. I told her, these are C's sizes and these are E's sizes. I added that it was a very nice thing for her to do and not necessary so she could just take her time, she didn't have to do this right away, it was a nice thing to do and a favor.
So when she called today to list her Sunday demands, she added that we were to look over the clothes she got for C, hold them up to judge the size, decide whether we liked the colors (I have never, ever had a single bad thing to say about anything she's bought any of us...not once). When I agreed, she sounded annoyed. She gets annoyed when I don't get upset with her...seriously. It's just...weird. So she then announced in a very, very clipped, tight voice that I must look them over while she was picking up C, in the morning before he got into the car, and that it would be inconvenient for me to let her know when she dropped him off.
Uhhhhhhhhhhhh......................
She then went on to comment breezily that she just hadn't been able to find much for E, oh wasn't that too bad? Maybe some time she'd go to Babies R Us for his sizes. Which she won't, obviously. I mean it hasn't happened yet.
So DH and I got into a huge fight about it. I told him I'm not going to go through this whole stack of stuff for C, making just the proper exclamations that MIL will approve of or else she'll push and push for specifics (this is routine), and if I don't exclaim loudly enough she will get angry and say if I don't like them she'll just take them back, etc...I told DH I am NOT going through this center of attention about all the thousands of new things C was getting, RIGHT IN FRONT OF E. I mean...how cruel. So he got mad at me for pushing him to do something about it...and called MIL with this overblown "don't come and get C this weekend" thing and guess who's to blame...me.
Sigh.
I don't think she'd naturally be this bad. I think it's because of me. I truly do. I think that from the beginning, with her misinformation about me, she just can't stand me and never will. I know she can hold a grudge because she still makes continuous barbs against my husband's father, her ex, in front of my husband and they have been divorced for 33 years. Seriously. She also makes continuous comments about my BIL's ex-wife, who has been divorced from BIL for I think eight years now. So I know this is how it's always going to be. But this stuff against the baby...well, I just can't handle that.
Other stuff has happened too...my FIL made s * xual comments at me while I was working for them for six months, and also horrible insults but couched in "niceties"...such as, "You know, JerZ, you're what I like to call a 'crap operator'. It's a little term I coined. It's good, thought. I used to hire bright, creative people and they were a PAIN. It is such a relief to have someone who doesn't think very much," etc. Things came to a head one Christmas when I was pregnant and he joked to the family that my baby was actually his. I asked DH to do something about it, which was probably wrong. I probably should have done something myself. But I was SO afraid of these people by this point. DH called his mother about it (oh, good call, DH, nice choice) and she proceeded to call family members to tell this whole humiliating story, making me look like some kind of s l *t who asked for it or something. There I am, PREGNANT for God's sake, crying, God it was awful. Well, MIL asked my SIL whether such a thing could have possibly happened. And SIL, who is very brave, calmly told MIL that not only DID FIL say that very thing (she was standing right there) about FIL's baby being his, but that she herself felt uncomfortable around him and that she actually dressed differently when she knew he'd be around because he was always leaning in and looking down her shirt.
Good intentions, bad result. MIL got madder AT ME (yes, this is the God's honest truth, I swear) for "causing" all these problems and it's only been worse since then.
So, no, this huge long post is to say, I don't get along with my MIL. Again, outwardly I do and I certainly never fight with her. But it's a bad situation all around. I told my DH that he was smart to marry an orphan.
Right now he's stewing in the back, mad at ME for "causing" today's situation, and I can see that tonight at our dinner is gonna be hell. He'll act all morose and make a horrible first impression. I don't care. I'm going anyway! I'm isolated here and I need friends so I'm making them.
And that's that.
All this hideous in-law stuff is part of what is making me miserable out here. The minute we stepped off the plane, it started and here I am trapped within 30 minutes of these people, with my own family so far away. If there were no kids...I'd be RUNNING back home. Ah well. We all have our personal stuff to deal with and things could be worse. But when I saw the title of this post, I thought...wow...here I go, spill-city!
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She does.not.like.to.be.criticized"
