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Hey all, I have a situation and I need your advice.
A year and a half ago, I came in from out of state and hung out with a college buddy of mine (who I'll call "Aaron") at a big social event. "Aaron" also invited a female friend of his along (they weren't dating). She and I hardly talked and after the concert was done we went our separate ways. No big deal. A week later when I went back home, this girl friend requested me on facebook. I waited a couple of weeks debating whether to accept because I barely knew her, but I decided that since Aaron had good taste in friends, I accepted the request.
Over time, we exchanged comments on each others' posts here and there, but not much--no biggie, until I got a job only an hour away from where both these people live. We started chatting more, since I was always looking for new people to hang out with in the area. She seemed nice, but I had no romantic interest at all, since I only met her that one time.
After I moved back though, things changed. We met up once at an event in her city. While there, she told me that she knew about me before she met me at the previous event because she looked through all of the profiles of "Aaron's" friends, and saw some of my writings on facebook (I like to write for fun). I thought rifling through your friend's friends' profiles was a little different, but didn't think much more of it.
Shortly after that, she arranged to come to my city to see me, so we spent the day together. Unbeknownst to me, she brought gifts--four of them, which she said were just housewarming gifts. One was a nice framed picture. I commented on how nice it was, and that's when she said that she decided on the picture after scouring all of the pictures of my old apartment (which I foolishly posted on fb) and examined each one to see what stuff I owned. That weirded me out a little. At this point, I still saw her as an acquaintance and thought that many gifts were overkill.
After that, she began commenting on every single on of my posts, sending me random wall posts every day, asking me personal questions, even commenting on my wall posts with other friends (on which she wasn't a mutual friend) and "liking" any website, company or page that I also liked. And in her posts, she was treating us as if we were in a relationship. It felt almost like facebook stalking, so I hid all of my posts from her and dramatically reduced my facebook use overall.
Fast forward to a couple weeks ago. She invited me to an event in her town. She said it was with other people and that if I was available I could come, but if I couldn't, it was no big deal. I didn't make any promises, but said I might make it. Anywho, that day something came up with my job and I wasn't able to make it. I let her know and apologized. She sent back an angry message saying that I "canceled" on her and basically acted like I stood her up on a date, for something that clearly wasn't a date. That was a couple of weeks ago, and I haven't responded since because I'm nervous to. I was weirded out by this whole thing. She sees our relationship as a deep friendship--possibly a dating relationship--while I simply see her as a friend of a friend. And I'm afraid that if I contact her, then she'll take that as a sign that I'm interested.
So what should I do? Should I just not respond? Should I set the record straight? I'm thinking that if she hasn't contacted me in two weeks, that I should just let it go and not worry about it and not open up the can of worms again. What would you do? Any advice from anyone would be needed.
Hey all, I have a situation and I need your advice.
A year and a half ago, I came in from out of state and hung out with a college buddy of mine (who I'll call "Aaron") at a big social event. "Aaron" also invited a female friend of his along (they weren't dating). She and I hardly talked and after the concert was done we went our separate ways. No big deal. A week later when I went back home, this girl friend requested me on facebook. I waited a couple of weeks debating whether to accept because I barely knew her, but I decided that since Aaron had good taste in friends, I accepted the request.
Over time, we exchanged comments on each others' posts here and there, but not much--no biggie, until I got a job only an hour away from where both these people live. We started chatting more, since I was always looking for new people to hang out with in the area. She seemed nice, but I had no romantic interest at all, since I only met her that one time.
After I moved back though, things changed. We met up once at an event in her city. While there, she told me that she knew about me before she met me at the previous event because she looked through all of the profiles of "Aaron's" friends, and saw some of my writings on facebook (I like to write for fun). I thought rifling through your friend's friends' profiles was a little different, but didn't think much more of it.
Shortly after that, she arranged to come to my city to see me, so we spent the day together. Unbeknownst to me, she brought gifts--four of them, which she said were just housewarming gifts. One was a nice framed picture. I commented on how nice it was, and that's when she said that she decided on the picture after scouring all of the pictures of my old apartment (which I foolishly posted on fb) and examined each one to see what stuff I owned. That weirded me out a little. At this point, I still saw her as an acquaintance and thought that many gifts were overkill.
After that, she began commenting on every single on of my posts, sending me random wall posts every day, asking me personal questions, even commenting on my wall posts with other friends (on which she wasn't a mutual friend) and "liking" any website, company or page that I also liked. And in her posts, she was treating us as if we were in a relationship. It felt almost like facebook stalking, so I hid all of my posts from her and dramatically reduced my facebook use overall.
Fast forward to a couple weeks ago. She invited me to an event in her town. She said it was with other people and that if I was available I could come, but if I couldn't, it was no big deal. I didn't make any promises, but said I might make it. Anywho, that day something came up with my job and I wasn't able to make it. I let her know and apologized. She sent back an angry message saying that I "canceled" on her and basically acted like I stood her up on a date, for something that clearly wasn't a date. That was a couple of weeks ago, and I haven't responded since because I'm nervous to. I was weirded out by this whole thing. She sees our relationship as a deep friendship--possibly a dating relationship--while I simply see her as a friend of a friend. And I'm afraid that if I contact her, then she'll take that as a sign that I'm interested.
So what should I do? Should I just not respond? Should I set the record straight? I'm thinking that if she hasn't contacted me in two weeks, that I should just let it go and not worry about it and not open up the can of worms again. What would you do? Any advice from anyone would be needed.
Thanks!
mackinac
PS. Watch what you post on facebook!
Sounds like she's into you.
Ignore her for a while and she'll likely cool off. Otherwise, you might have a stalker on your hands (not that I would know what that's like).
At first read, I thought you were a woman. I have a woman friend who is similarly clingy when she meets new potential women to hang out with. If they kind of ignore her a few times though, she'll take the hint.
The best advice I could give is that if you are worried about something, you should do something about it.
As a person who was really ignorant about how relationships worked, there is really no easy or nice way to end a relationship with a clingy person once you open the door.
They are not dangerous people, just persistent in their ways. I would just be insistent.
That's always good advice, but it probably wouldn't have stopped this particular situation from happening!
This woman has a big bad crush on you, and she's made up a whole relationship with you, that exists only in her head. It used to happen in Jane Austin's day as well - 200 years before Facebook!
Infatuation can be fun. But if she's making up a relationship with you, that's definitely NOT fun, and I would just cut off contact with her. If you accidently run across her at a concert in the future, great! Say hi! But don't keep in contact with her, or make plans with her, or encourage her in any way. She's proven that she doesn't have a very good grasp on reality - and so prolonging contact with her just hurts both of you.
That's always good advice, but it probably wouldn't have stopped this particular situation from happening!
This woman has a big bad crush on you, and she's made up a whole relationship with you, that exists only in her head. It used to happen in Jane Austin's day as well - 200 years before Facebook!
Infatuation can be fun. But if she's making up a relationship with you, that's definitely NOT fun, and I would just cut off contact with her. If you accidently run across her at a concert in the future, great! Say hi! But don't keep in contact with her, or make plans with her, or encourage her in any way. She's proven that she doesn't have a very good grasp on reality - and so prolonging contact with her just hurts both of you.
Good advise.
One of the problems with the Internet is that it's like having a relationship using telegrams. Very little communication actually happens. But people often feel more is being exchanged, and tend to fill in the blanks with what they want to hear. Thus she thinks there is a deep, meaningful relationship between you both.
You need to let her know that she has read more into things than are really there. Be nice, but be FIRM. Apologize for delaying, as that part is your fault. You should have make things clear back when you realized she was moving past the 'into you' phase into the 'stalking' phase.
It sounds like she likes you more than you like her and she has slightly 'stalker' behavior. This would creep me out. If you aren't interested in her, then I think you should remove her from your friends list on Facebook, block her, and set your page on private so this type of thing doesn't happen in the future.
Hey all, I have a situation and I need your advice.
A year and a half ago, I came in from out of state and hung out with a college buddy of mine (who I'll call "Aaron") at a big social event. "Aaron" also invited a female friend of his along (they weren't dating). She and I hardly talked and after the concert was done we went our separate ways. No big deal. A week later when I went back home, this girl friend requested me on facebook. I waited a couple of weeks debating whether to accept because I barely knew her, but I decided that since Aaron had good taste in friends, I accepted the request.
Over time, we exchanged comments on each others' posts here and there, but not much--no biggie, until I got a job only an hour away from where both these people live. We started chatting more, since I was always looking for new people to hang out with in the area. She seemed nice, but I had no romantic interest at all, since I only met her that one time.
After I moved back though, things changed. We met up once at an event in her city. While there, she told me that she knew about me before she met me at the previous event because she looked through all of the profiles of "Aaron's" friends, and saw some of my writings on facebook (I like to write for fun). I thought rifling through your friend's friends' profiles was a little different, but didn't think much more of it.
Shortly after that, she arranged to come to my city to see me, so we spent the day together. Unbeknownst to me, she brought gifts--four of them, which she said were just housewarming gifts. One was a nice framed picture. I commented on how nice it was, and that's when she said that she decided on the picture after scouring all of the pictures of my old apartment (which I foolishly posted on fb) and examined each one to see what stuff I owned. That weirded me out a little. At this point, I still saw her as an acquaintance and thought that many gifts were overkill.
After that, she began commenting on every single on of my posts, sending me random wall posts every day, asking me personal questions, even commenting on my wall posts with other friends (on which she wasn't a mutual friend) and "liking" any website, company or page that I also liked. And in her posts, she was treating us as if we were in a relationship. It felt almost like facebook stalking, so I hid all of my posts from her and dramatically reduced my facebook use overall.
Fast forward to a couple weeks ago. She invited me to an event in her town. She said it was with other people and that if I was available I could come, but if I couldn't, it was no big deal. I didn't make any promises, but said I might make it. Anywho, that day something came up with my job and I wasn't able to make it. I let her know and apologized. She sent back an angry message saying that I "canceled" on her and basically acted like I stood her up on a date, for something that clearly wasn't a date. That was a couple of weeks ago, and I haven't responded since because I'm nervous to. I was weirded out by this whole thing. She sees our relationship as a deep friendship--possibly a dating relationship--while I simply see her as a friend of a friend. And I'm afraid that if I contact her, then she'll take that as a sign that I'm interested.
So what should I do? Should I just not respond? Should I set the record straight? I'm thinking that if she hasn't contacted me in two weeks, that I should just let it go and not worry about it and not open up the can of worms again. What would you do? Any advice from anyone would be needed.
Thanks!
mackinac
PS. Watch what you post on facebook!
Don't respond and hope that that's the end of that. With normal people...this would already indicate that you're not interested romantically and leave you alone. If she persists in this manner, then be honest and tell her the truth...that you're not into her. If you're dealing with stalker, be careful.
Back away...slowly...and I agree do not contact her, do not respond to her messages, basically be uninterested. Block her from seeing your updates so she doesn't get a fix. You don't have to completely unfriend her, but you can change your facebook settings so she is excluded from seeing individual messages.
Don't make plans, don't hang out with her, and just be ever more unavailable.
reminds me a little of "Play Misty for Me"...carefull
I know...that and "Fatal Attraction"
OP...I hope this is not so in your case.
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