How do you deal with previously friendly people who turned cold as ice? (gossip, personality)

[temazepam]

Originally Posted by calicali01

I can understand where the OP is coming from. I had a culture shock when I moved to the East Coast.

In the East Coast there is a thick level of serious in the air and people CAN be cold and rude to you through no fault of your own. Then if you try and press the issue they only get agitated and think something is wrong with you.

People who never traveled, or lived outside of their city of birth just have a hard time understanding.

So true. BTDT.

[Workaholic?]

Good advice but I strongly believe people should be honest and tell me why they are pissed at me so we can move forward. Why should society let these people be so inpolite and passive aggressive towards me?
I am leaning towards just asking them and not walk away until I get a straight answer.

Originally Posted by temazepam

Great thread! If I had a nickel for every time this has happened to me! I wish I knew what to do about it. My first instinct is to just act all cold back, and think "**** you too", but that keeps the tension in the air and stresses me. I've also tried just going up to them and asking, "What is your deal?!" I wouldn't recommend that, though, because I never get a straight answer, just them telling me "You're crazy!", not a denial, not an affirmation, not an explanation and certainly not an apology like I'd hoped for, so it just makes the situation worse.

[STT Resident]

Originally Posted by Workaholic?

Good advice but I strongly believe people should be honest and tell me why they are pissed at me so we can move forward. Why should society let these people be so inpolite and passive aggressive towards me?
I am leaning towards just asking them and not walk away until I get a straight answer.

I strongly believe people should take hints and not obsess about being cold-shouldered to the degree of actually contemplating a combative stance.

With all due respect, you're really not listening much to anyone who's bothered to respond so I'd suggest you just do what you feel like doing and see what happens. I doubt you'll either be winning friends or influencing people Carnegie-style but you might get an honest answer along with a punch in the nose if you push hard enough. Good luck.

[virgode]

Originally Posted by crisan

Yes, maybe but I do remember having the same thoughts. Now that I read these kinds of posts from this point-of-view, it reminds me of how selfish I used to be, even though at the time, I didn't think I was selfish.

Makes me wonder if there are selfish ways left that I am unaware of.

Repetative threads under a new guise, tweeked and worded slightly different for the OP entertainment. But if it helps you in some way, how can I agrue that.

[Mightyqueen801]

It sounds to me as if the OP is ANNOYING in some way. I have been friendly to people and then found out that they hook onto you like a leech and have this need to tell you every detail about their life but have no interest whatsoever in anyone else. After that, I do whatever I can to avoid getting into more boring, one-sided conversations with that person.

[chielgirl]

Originally Posted by Workaholic?

Good advice but I strongly believe people should be honest and tell me why they are pissed at me so we can move forward. Why should society let these people be so inpolite and passive aggressive towards me?
I am leaning towards just asking them and not walk away until I get a straight answer.

Perhaps they think that you're not worth moving forward with.
I wouldn't answer you and I'd probably tell you to get the f out of my face.
If you're that annoying, perhaps others don't want to be around you.

[cpg35223]

If they suddenly turn away from you, it's for one of a small number of reasons:

1) You said something to offend them.
2) You did something to offend them.
3) Someone else said you did/said something that offended them.

There you go. You don't strike me as an introspective kind of guy, so I'd really offer that you should search your heart to find out how your relationship went south. If that doesn't work, have a conversation with a trusted mutual friend. As a last resort, go to them and ask.

[oalquimista]

You must be living in Minnesota.

[PurePugx3]

Originally Posted by Mightyqueen801

It sounds to me as if the OP is ANNOYING in some way. I have been friendly to people and then found out that they hook onto you like a leech and have this need to tell you every detail about their life but have no interest whatsoever in anyone else. After that, I do whatever I can to avoid getting into more boring, one-sided conversations with that person.

This is for sure. I have a co-worker like this. She literally tells everyone around her (at least at work, would have to assume in other places too), all of the boring and sometimes TMI details of her life. A couple weeks ago she just had to let me know she hadn't had sex in over a year . Thing is, we aren't really friends (in my mind) but do work in fairly close proximity. If one of my actual friends told me this, we'd have a conversation about it or whatever. It isn't something I can imagine talking about with a work acquaintance. She stops by my desk daily and conveys info about her life but never bothers to ask me or anyone else about theirs. She's even admitted she's aware of this but blames it on her parents treating her as a princess while growing up .

I think she's harmless and I don't mind her in smaller doses (have had worse co-workers than her), but the one-sided stuff gets old quick.

[crisan]

Originally Posted by virgode

Repetative threads under a new guise, tweeked and worded slightly different for the OP entertainment. But if it helps you in some way, how can I agrue that.

Even if it didn't help, I don't see the harm.