How do you deal with previously friendly people who turned cold as ice? (conversation, feel)
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Given that you have problems with your family, your wife's family, colleagues at work, and random people, you're probably doing something wrong. I think the best thing you could do is leave them alone and spare them your presence for extended periods of time.
I agree. However, I think it is natural to want to be alone if a person is not so good with relationships. The OP seems to want this since he keeps on trying to find ways to distance himself from relatives.
For me, all it took was learning hidden rules in socializing and once I learned those and practiced, I realized that the people I had issues with before, also tended to have relationship problems as well. They are really not the first people to learn from or to use as a guide on whether I am doing something right or wrong.
I agree. However, I think it is natural to want to be alone if a person is not so good with relationships. The OP seems to want this since he keeps on trying to find ways to distance himself from relatives.
For me, all it took was learning hidden rules in socializing and once I learned those and practiced, I realized that the people I had issues with before, also tended to have relationship problems as well. They are really not the first people to learn from or to use as a guide on whether I am doing something right or wrong.
Well, I'm pretty convinced at this point that the OP is just pulling legs.
Throughout life I have been friendly with people (not friends) who I used to chat with, smile, greet each other warmly, exchange tidbits, and generally enjoy our brief interactions. These were friendly acquaintances.
These people could be neighbors, coworkers, people at church, folks in professional associations, hobby groups, etc.
Keep in mind that these are not real relationships to begin with. These people could give a rats A** of you're dead or alive. Most relationships in Western countries are fake and are more or less relationships that revolve around competition and outdoing each other.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Workaholic?
On occasion everything is going great with these people and then puff, they turn cold as ice. They go from being a friendly acquittance to just plain cold and nasty for no reason that I know of. If I said something wrong or made a mistake around them I don't know what it was.
How do you interact with them in the future? Should I ask them what is wrong? Should I turn mean and nasty myself to show them I can play that game too? Should I kill them with kindness to try to turn them around? What should I do?
People turn cold out of the blue for many reasons but a few I can think of is :
1. They found out something about you that they did not like (regardless if it is true or not). It could be they envy your new car or they looked your name up and found you were a convicted felon.
2. Something devastating happened in their lives (i.e., infidelity, divorce, cancer, children arrested, death, job loss) and to save face and not appear weak they build up a wall and become detached as they work through the problem(s).
3. The person was cheated/scammed real bad and now they don't trust anybody.
So in other words, when things are going well in peoples lives, they are playful and friendly, but as soon as s*** hits the fan, a persons personalty can drastically change for the worse. I have also noticed that the more a persons personality changes for the worse under pressure, that usually means they are mentally/emotionally weak in some way.
Last edited by calicali01; 01-01-2012 at 11:19 AM..
Well, I'm pretty convinced at this point that the OP is just pulling legs.
There's definitely something a little bit off kilter when a member of just two months creates over 120 new threads in that short period and has a total post count of a little over 340 which apportions out to not even three posts on each of those threads.
Yes, cold and nasty might be a strong term. How about they just turned cold?
I have asked them what is up and they generally will not answer. Either they say "nothings wrong" while they look at me biting their lip and with a look that says intensely, "this is very awkward, I wish he would walk away!" Or they will just go mute until I walk away. Or they walk away without responding.
Quote:
Originally Posted by lovebug11768
If someone goes cold and nasty, you probably ran afoul of them. I would think of all the things that might have spoiled the relationship. You could also ask them directly (but tactfully) if everything is OK.
The reason I have often ignored people I knew was because I was sure they wouldn't remember me. These are casual acquaintances and sometimes they have no clue who I am even though we met only a few months ago. It is embarrassing to go up and talk to someone when they have no idea who you are. It is safer to play coy until I am sure that they recognize me.
Quote:
Originally Posted by srjth
Cold and nasty? Really? That's a little extreme. It'd be different if they were just sort of apathetic but cold and nasty to me means something went wrong. I would ask them if everything's okay.
I can understand where the OP is coming from. I had a culture shock when I moved to the East Coast.
In the East Coast there is a thick level of serious in the air and people CAN be cold and rude to you through no fault of your own. Then if you try and press the issue they only get agitated and think something is wrong with you.
People who never traveled, or lived outside of their city of birth just have a hard time understanding.
Killing someone with kindness is an A-hole thing to do. You can't force someone to like you anymore than a guy can force a girl to have sex with him.
You've gotta just handle the 'rejection.'
So true and it's LAME. Killing somebody with kindness means that you BADLY want a persons approval so you grovel at their feet and kiss their ass until they come around to liking you.
It makes no sense to do such a think unless that person is going to give you lots of money or sex; and even then, I still have enough dignity to not do degrading things just for money or sex.
I can understand where the OP is coming from. I had a culture shock when I moved to the East Coast.
In the East Coast there is a thick level of serious in the air and people CAN be cold and rude to you through no fault of your own. Then if you try and press the issue they only get agitated and think something is wrong with you.
People who never traveled, or lived outside of their city of birth just have a hard time understanding.
I'm missing your point here. The situation you're describing is certainly not at all unusual but has nothing whatsoever to do with the situation which the OP describes.
Well, I'm pretty convinced at this point that the OP is just pulling legs.
Yes, maybe but I do remember having the same thoughts. Now that I read these kinds of posts from this point-of-view, it reminds me of how selfish I used to be, even though at the time, I didn't think I was selfish.
Makes me wonder if there are selfish ways left that I am unaware of.
Being pleasant and civil is always the best choice.
You don't have to go out of your way or ask them what's wrong, unless it's really burning you up. They could be having a bad day, could have gotten bad news, could be a moody person....who knows.
Just be consistent and civil and pleasant. Respect their boundaries and don't take everything as if it's a diss on you. It might not be at all.
Throughout life I have been friendly with people (not friends) who I used to chat with, smile, greet each other warmly, exchange tidbits, and generally enjoy our brief interactions. These were friendly acquaintances.
These people could be neighbors, coworkers, people at church, folks in professional associations, hobby groups, etc.
On occasion everything is going great with these people and then puff, they turn cold as ice. They go from being a friendly acquittance to just plain cold and nasty for no reason that I know of. If I said something wrong or made a mistake around them I don't know what it was.
How do you interact with them in the future? Should I ask them what is wrong? Should I turn mean and nasty myself to show them I can play that game too? Should I kill them with kindness to try to turn them around? What should I do?
Great thread! If I had a nickel for every time this has happened to me! I wish I knew what to do about it. My first instinct is to just act all cold back, and think "**** you too", but that keeps the tension in the air and stresses me. I've also tried just going up to them and asking, "What is your deal?!" I wouldn't recommend that, though, because I never get a straight answer, just them telling me "You're crazy!", not a denial, not an affirmation, not an explanation and certainly not an apology like I'd hoped for, so it just makes the situation worse.
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