Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Elderly people sometimes do not feel good about themselves because they have lost their sense of independence.
When she makes a disparaging comment, you could give her a hug, a pat on the back, or any physical touch that is appropriate and acceptable to her. Compliment her on her smile, an article of clothing she has on; a sincere and respectful compliment goes a long way. Maybe on your next visit you could take her some flowers
Let her know that she is important to you, that you value and care about her.
The older I get, the more removed or even isolated from the main stream I feel. Most of society and the media are not very focused on the older person and I think mentions of their age further makes them feel outside of lifes daily flow. ( read posessive between e and s in lifes).
I like to show them their value by asking them about things they know alot about. Sometimes it could be as simple as asking about the history of a prominently displayed piece of china. A photo on a side table. So interesting! I never knew you cared so much about family history! Did you get it for a wedding present? What was Your wedding dress like? etc etc
Instead of complimenting her, have you found out why there is a particular reason why she's starting to put herself down? I think it would be more helpful to find out the change and have a discussion.
Unless she's fishing for compliments, in which case, come up with whatever you know would please her (minus the "for your age").
yup!
and pay her the compliment before she starts putting herself down.
Mindful, the holidays are around the corner: Seasonal blues, and holiday blues ... Also, the blues and sadness can occur often in individuals getting older and that are less busy or feeling not as important as they once were ... My Grandmother is 86 and she seems to be doing through this now - she's falling into a depression, and is adamant about being a lone ... It's not a good situation. The TV has become her BFF ...
Getting older is not an easy path .... Especially if ones spouse has passed on and they are all alone ... they don't want to burden anyone, and loneliness starts to set in ...
Maybe you can devote some extra TLC quality time - a day out together, a new hobby, interest ... a local gym that offers senior group exercises and meeting new friends ...
So, I have gone through this sort of thing with people before. One way is to say some of the comments that others on this page have suggested, but there could be a deeper problem. Find out why the person is so down on themselves. There may be underlying issues and the person may need some counseling.
You could also try finding things the person likes or likes to do to make them happy so they forget about moping around about their appearance.
If you are going to complement her do it specifically. Not just oh you are lovely,but when you wear that shirt it makes your eyes so blue or I've always envied your pretty nails etc. I've found with my Mom if i give her a specific compliment it seems to lift her spirits more that a general one.
I have always found that focusing on something other than appearance is way more genuine and from the heart (providing that you really feel that way). For example, I would say to your elderly relative something like this: "Goll, I really admire how you handle the upsets in your life. Tell me your secrets!" OR "Wow, your wonderful laugh is infectious. I love hanging out with you." Good luck (and I am happy she's ceased with the self-put downs.)
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
My Grandmother is 86 and she seems to be doing through this now - she's falling into a depression, and is adamant about being a lone ... It's not a good situation. The TV has become her BFF ... 
