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I know where you're coming from on this. Part of my dad's make-up is that paying for things makes him feel like he's still needed in our lives, now that we're adults. My sister & I just invited him to go to Vegas with us for Thanksgiving. I put both the hotel rooms on my credit card with the full intention of paying for that part of the trip. Despite my sister & I both having jobs that pay more than he ever made while he was working, he still insisted on slipping me an envelope of cash to pay for the hotel rooms (in addition to picking up all the meal tabs). We now get him gifts that he really enjoys, but doesn't necessarily know the price. Our big one now is getting him steaks & other grass-fed meats directly from a ranch in Idaho. He loves the food, but I'm sure thinks it's just slightly more than the price he pays for his regular stuff at Wal-Mart!
I know where you're coming from on this. Part of my dad's make-up is that paying for things makes him feel like he's still needed in our lives, now that we're adults. My sister & I just invited him to go to Vegas with us for Thanksgiving. I put both the hotel rooms on my credit card with the full intention of paying for that part of the trip. Despite my sister & I both having jobs that pay more than he ever made while he was working, he still insisted on slipping me an envelope of cash to pay for the hotel rooms (in addition to picking up all the meal tabs). We now get him gifts that he really enjoys, but doesn't necessarily know the price. Our big one now is getting him steaks & other grass-fed meats directly from a ranch in Idaho. He loves the food, but I'm sure thinks it's just slightly more than the price he pays for his regular stuff at Wal-Mart!
I never looked at it that way. Perhaps that's what she's feeling: the need to feel needed. I think you might be on to something there. Thanks for the perspective!
OP I know where you are coming from as well. As suggested go with what they might need route. I think it does fall into the category of not being needed anymore. My FIL isnt doing well financially he told us a few years ago that he cant afford to exchange and doesnt want anything in return. A few of my husband's siblings made the mistake and got him a gift anyway. It wasnt pleasant.
sunny, I actually think its a thoughtful question,,,because you dont want to humiliate or shame then.. in any way...and most of us have been there at one time or another,,,we may give a very thoughtful or expensive gift, because we WANT to, but then get something little in return, in which WE are fine with, but they may be a bit embarrassed..
3 gifts that are always winners is...
1 something you made yourself,,,gloves, mittens, a hat,, even if you didnt make it- you can say you did (i know i know,,not the xmas spirit)
2. gift certificates......to anywheres you want...
3. lottery tickets, and a couple nice rib eye steaks....
SunnyTXsmile, you sound like a very considerate person. Follow your conscience and you cannot go wrong. Our son is going through a rough patch right now and said something to us about children his age should be able to take care of himself. My husband had already mentioned to me that we should be careful about helping him too much. I think it is possible to make a person feel badly by giving them too much. It makes us feel good to be able to make their lives a little easier, but you are so wise to consider their feelings. I don't think anyone can gage this as well as you though. We don't know them.
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