Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I understand that an adopted child wouldn't know their birth parent/s! unless it was an open adoption. My point is that if she wanted to be a PARENT, then she could have considered adoption to give a child a home with a loving parent. I understand that this child is wanted by this person but it is selfish of this person to choose this option only to birth and raise this child. I know first had the struggles of someone not knowing their father or father's side due to her mother doing the samething and it has truly affected her her whole life. She would tell you that it would have been easier to say I had a dad but he died or he and my mother are no longer together, but at least I got to meet him and know him.
I also understand that no one relationship is a guarentee!!! At least there is the possiblity of that child still having roots and knowledge of the fathers side of the family, be it aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparents.
How the baby came to be is not up for discussion. Either way, there would be a single mom raising a child alone.
I understand that an adopted child wouldn't know their birth parent/s! unless it was an open adoption. My point is that if she wanted to be a PARENT, then she could have considered adoption to give a child a home with a loving parent. I understand that this child is wanted by this person but it is selfish of this person to choose this option only to birth and raise this child. I know first had the struggles of someone not knowing their father or father's side due to her mother doing the samething and it has truly affected her her whole life. She would tell you that it would have been easier to say I had a dad but he died or he and my mother are no longer together, but at least I got to meet him and know him.
I also understand that no one relationship is a guarentee!!! At least there is the possiblity of that child still having roots and knowledge of the fathers side of the family, be it aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparents.
who died and left you in charge of other people's life decisions?
The lady in question can,will and did do just what she,an adult, wanted to do.
So, my sister is in her late 30's with no marriage prospects in sight (no boyfriend at all right now). She's actually living in my parents' basement, but it's not a money issue (she has a good job). I think that it's really more for my parents' benefit than hers, but that's another long story.
She was getting antsy and decided to try one round of IVF (that's all she had the money for), and it worked. She's 10 weeks pregnant. She chose the sperm donor from a profile.
My problem: I don't have an objection to single women having kids in general. I am, however, concerned about the long-term outlook. I'm thinking about what it would be like for a child to grow up without knowing anything about his/her father or the whole paternal side of the family. My parents won't be around forever (they're in their early 70's), and I am worried about how this will all work down the road. I'm just...worried. I want to be happy for her, but I'm having trouble b/c I'm very apprehensive about this for her. I know she wants to get married, but I also know that there are many men who don't want to parent someone else's child. I'm probably overanalyzing.
My Mom is always getting on me for "raining on her parade" with my hesitation and doubts. Of course, the last time I didn't join in on the celebration was when she met her ex-fiance who wound up being a prescription pain med addict. So, for that one anyway, my instincts were right.
Someone talk me down!
I think it's perfectly normal to be apprehensive about this. I'm apprehensive about babies for married people too. People need to think long and hard about a commitment like this. This isn't a commitment one can just walk away from if it doesn't work out or turn out to be what they didn't expect.
You know more about your sister in general than we do. Does she tend to be fickle about decisions in general? Does she change her mind and life in an instant without regard to the consequences? Does she have a spotty employment history or have a tendency to quit jobs at the last minute, even if they're well-paying ones? If not, then there's a little relief there but you still have a right to be apprehensive.
I don't understand all the animosity toward single women especially single mothers out there, but there seems to be some consensus that having a baby planned by oneself is horrible, maybe even child abuse, but having a child with a man who doesn't stick around is somehow better (although not much better). If your sister has her ducks in a row and keeps in mind of how to handle anything that can go wrong (and anything can with regards to pregnancy, child-birth, child-rearing, growing older, life in general, etc.) and has a plan under every rock, then she'll probably do better than women who plan to have a man around only for that not to happen. Your sister needs to get that beaten into her head though. Good luck.
I haven't had a chance to read through all of the replies, sorry if this has already been said.
Sometimes life doesn't work out the way we planned, but that doesn't have to stop someone from fulfilling their own personal dreams, whether that is acceptable to society or not.
I don't see any reason why a responsible person can't choose to have a baby on their own. As long as they are raised in a loving & stable atmosphere - what's the issue?
Wanting a child is a very normal desire and I don't think that single person should be denied that.
I haven't had a chance to read through all of the replies, sorry if this has already been said.
Sometimes life doesn't work out the way we planned, but that doesn't have to stop someone from fulfilling their own personal dreams, whether that is acceptable to society or not.
I don't see any reason why a responsible person can't choose to have a baby on their own. As long as they are raised in a loving & stable atmosphere - what's the issue?
Wanting a child is a very normal desire and I don't think that single person should be denied that.
Naturally, if you are completed focused on your own desires and ignore the impact on the child, it makes perfect sense.
The important thing here is that she is financially able to care for her child and, at 30, hopefully a lot more mature than these young girls who spit out babies and take the fastest road to poverty. And something else to consider, too, is that her situation (doing it solo) is better than having a baby with a bad husband or father.
We have a president who was raised by a single mother and he turned out ... to be the leader of the free world.
Obama's mom was single for (maybe) a year. His parents divorced in 1964 and she remarried in 1965. He was in part raised by his grandparents. Don't even know why he's used as an example.
But back to the OP's post. Yes, I agree with the great advice on here to be happy for your sister. You'll be an aunt and that's all that matters. Try your best to refrain from thinking about this decision too much, as it's going to cloud everything involving the baby. Your sister may make mistakes, as all parents do. It's too late to change anything, just strengthen your family.
On the topic of having a child on one's own - there is no question that the sister's decision was very selfish. Of course there are circumstances beyond one's control. When a new life is produced, the intent is to give it the best possible outcome. Sure, illness, accidents and death happen. Divorce happens. Economic struggles happen. We can't control everything. But to intentionally create a child with a disadvantage right off the bat simply for the desire of experiencing motherhood is selfish. Everyone here assumes that not having a father is better than risking a deadbeat dad, blah, blah, blah. Talk about sexism. Strip the male out of the picture - who needs him, anyway?
It is amazing to me how many people I know, that were raised in broken homes, and are HIGHLY dysfunctional - these are the first to promote single parenthood. They have no clue how dysfunctional they are.
Naturally, if you are completed focused on your own desires and ignore the impact on the child, it makes perfect sense.
Sorry, I disagree. Your argument makes no sense because it can apply to a two parent home as well. Anyone bringing a child into this world is focused on their own desires - two parent home or single. Isn't that why we have kids - because we want to and because its our desire.
This is not a black and white situation. We don't know the woman so we can't make assumptions on what kind of parent she will be or what the impact will be on the child raised in a single parent home. I doubt that this woman, who is older, hasn't deeply thought about this and considered her options and made the best decision for her and her child.
My original point was that single people deserve to happy and if a single woman desires to be a mother its not up to us to cast judgement on her. Children can be raised successfully in a single parent home.
Sorry, I disagree. Your argument makes no sense because it can apply to a two parent home as well. Anyone bringing a child into this world is focused on their own desires - two parent home or single. Isn't that why we have kids - because we want to and because its our desire.
This is not a black and white situation. We don't know the woman so we can't make assumptions on what kind of parent she will be or what the impact will be on the child raised in a single parent home. I doubt that this woman, who is older, hasn't deeply thought about this and considered her options and made the best decision for her and her child.
My original point was that single people deserve to happy and if a single woman desires to be a mother its not up to us to cast judgement on her. Children can be raised successfully in a single parent home.
Nope. That's not why I had my first child. I was a single other and felt deeply the disadvantage he was set up for. I felt horrible about not bringing him into the world with every available advantage. I didn't do it to fulfill myself. However, I have spent the rest of my life making sure that his life is as good as it can be. I found a good man to help raise him and be a good role model.
And please, this whole thing about how we don't dare judge anyone, really? Would you feel the same if she was a 14 yr old with a crack addiction? We judge people all the time. It is just currently en vogue NOT to judge single mothers because they are apparently saints and fathers are completely unnecessary.
Nope. That's not why I had my first child. I was a single other and felt deeply the disadvantage he was set up for. I felt horrible about not bringing him into the world with every available advantage. I didn't do it to fulfill myself. However, I have spent the rest of my life making sure that his life is as good as it can be. I found a good man to help raise him and be a good role model.
And please, this whole thing about how we don't dare judge anyone, really? Would you feel the same if she was a 14 yr old with a crack addiction? We judge people all the time. It is just currently en vogue NOT to judge single mothers because they are apparently saints and fathers are completely unnecessary.
I really think you are missing my point. This is an older woman who is choosing to have a child - because she is ready, can take care of it and she wants this baby. She is pregnant. End of story.
I applaud you for bringing up a child, and sounds like you have done your best to avail him of every opportunity. You have had your own experience and this sounds deeply personal to you. You are entitled to your own opinion, as am I...
All the best!
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
