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I have this friend who is a deaf guy that I met a few months ago. So far, he's one of the most fun friends I have and would really like to keep his friendship and I also really like his circle.
He is into street luge, speedflying (both dry land and snow), skiing, and skydiving. We often would go do those things together and I have just learn how to ski and am going to start skydiving soon.
However few days ago he hint that he want relationship. This scared me. I really like him as a friend and want to continue to do all those fun things with him and meet more people he know. But I can tell that he isn't a stranger to dump people from his life.
I just cannot be with him because he is deaf. It is hard enough to just be his friend because when we are together, I have to really pay attention to him otherwise I'd just end up ignoring him without realizing it which mean I can never be around group of people and pay attention to everyone and him.
Also as much as I hate to admit this, but it would be weird to introduce him to my friends and family. I have tried to introduce him to a few of my friends and it always end up being really awkward. I can't imagine living like this for rest of my life.
Also I'd really like to be able to have someone hear my voice when I'm talk to them and need to express things.
I'm suppose to meet him tomorrow and go to skiing so I know he's going to bring it up again. I don't know what to say or do. I don't want to end the friendship with him but don't want to be in relationship with him.
how old are you? while this is an obstacle, it isn't or shouldn't be a deal breaker. are you or could you be attracted to him in a romantic way. if the answer is yes, then date him. quit worrying about what other people would think or if it is "hard" for you to introduce him to people. that emotion is on you and what you are thinking, not necessarily on the people you are talking to. tell him if you are interested that you worry about not being able to always know when he wants to talk to you or you missing something he might say. many men that can hear don't listen anyway, so a hearing man is no guarantee a man will hear your voice. women too easily dismiss men that can be the best things for the most shallow of reasons, then wonder why the good ones are all taken.
Just how long have you been friends with this person? How special does this person make you feel when they are in your presence? It would be a shame to turn down a relationship that could blossom into something truly great. Many people that are deaf or blind develop supernatural senses elsewhere. I think with the way humanity is going it would be wise to hold on to any special friend. Open your mind. If you do feel attracted to this person give it a shot. Can you learn to live with what you can rise above? that is called CHARACTER. Good luck.
i agree with the above commenters. just because he is deaf should not mean you shouldn't date him. you have no idea what greatness is ahead if you don't take the chance. i'm also aware things could turn out for the worse, but at least if you give it a shot, you will know and you two could always resume to staying as friends once you're both now sure a relationship will not work out
by the way, you do seemed to be heavily involved in his life to be simply be called a "friend".
I think you should learn to sign! He sounds like a great guy and sadly, because of your inflexible attitude, you just might be letting a great catch pass you by. He deserves someone who can love and accept him the way he is. Here's the sad part.....HE can not learn to hear. YOU can learn to sign and effectively communicate. Who cares what your friends think!? Friends come and go....they get busy in their own lives and move on. Your mate might be with you for the rest of your life. The kind of people whom you allow into your life, should be quality people who will accept your deaf friend/mate, exactly the way he is....or they're not good enough!
If you just want to be friends just let the other person know. Its really NOT a big deal. I had to do that a few times in my life, some understand and want to remain friends while others walked away never to be seen or heard again.
Yes, definitely be honest, but be nice about it. And yes, if you plan on him being a longtime friend, learn to sign because good friends will try to accommodate each other so they can be better friends. The part you said about him being no stranger to dumping people, well, that's probably because of his deafness & he's used to people he meets being OK with him at first, but soon tiring & not having patience with his deafness & not being able to handle it for long, so he ends up being hurt many times, therefore, he's learned to kind of have that "take it or leave it" type attitude with people because no one's really or very rarely stayed in his life long-term, whether romantically or just friendship-wise.
You know, when you meet a new person, things are great, but then with his situation, people may soon be embarrassed by him & worrying too much about what others think for hanging around with this "deaf guy". So, after a while, he's used to people saying they're busy & can't get together, but then it happens more & more frequently until they person's no longer in that person's life anymore at all. Well, when it keeps happening constantly, the deaf guy will know it has something to do with him & it's understandable for him to create a way to prevent himself from repeatedly being hurt by people. You can't blame him.
Be a good friend to him & appreciate his friendship. In my opnion, you're blessed if you have 1 or 2 genuine friends in your lifetime. Most people cannot be trusted. It looks like he has to learn that he can trust you to not split & leave like many other people he's met in the past did to him.
Is it so hard to pick up on signing a bit and do the talking for him to your family and friends that dont know how to sign? Its not that complicated. You worry about ignoring him but I think you will just pick up on it over time and it wont be such a problem. This person being deaf, should know a thing or two about lip reading as well.
He sounds full of adventure and that should be a big deal in your life, no offense but the brief description of you and your friends, it sounds like you need to break away and be happier than them. Would you not learn how to drive a car because it was a standard? Sure its a bit harder but once you get the hang of it you dont even think about it
You dont need spoken language to have good communication
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