Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Unless DNA paternity tests were done, no one, including your father, really knows for sure who your brother's father is. Yes, the physical characteristics of your brother may point to the other man but it's not unheard of for a child to look totally different than the rest of the family. He may be a throw back to an earlier ancestor for example OR your father's father may not really have been his biological father.
You're right...but now I'm wondering if that even matters. Let's say this guy IS his father...he still lied to the OP and he lied about another guy being the dad, and he's still a douche waffle for never contacting his daughters. Apparently, he IS actually the girls' father and what, he only hangs with the son?? For benefits and such??
Yep, who's dad is who is becoming less and less the issue...but by telling the bro the father's pack of lies (either way), the bro can make an informed decision how he wants to proceed. Perhaps if the one sister who found the dad's SSN can find something else in mom's stuff, maybe THAT'S the proof they need to at least continue. IDK...
How would the mother know the truth for sure if she was having sex with two men around the time her son was conceived?
She may not have known...but she was a clever woman to have hidden some truths from her children over the years. Finding something in her belongings (love letter? idk) or even a picture. I'm not talking about hard facts, but something that MIGHT indicate she had another lover...that could be the catalyst to finding out more or at least opening up the possibility of there being another man.
Like I said, I don't know what the correct course of action is, but I do think she should presents any information she has to her brother so that he can decide what he wants to do. I tell you one thing, if my sister (who I don't talk to very often) KNEW something about me or thought she knew something, I would damn well expect her to tell me. If she held onto something like that and didn't tell me, then I found out she knew? I'd be beyond mad. Similar things HAVE happened in my family where I was the last to know...and not by days or months but by YEARS. It's taken very long to get past the fact that no one respected me enough to tell me. Just not cool...
do you know for certain that your father never paid support or came to visit? I suggest you be certain of that...nothing against your mother, but a situation like this sometimes causes some very life changing events in people, and they react out of great hurt/depression.
if I were you, I'd discuss this whole situation with your father, and see what you come up with, even the part about your brother....
I do know this for certain as my father early on confirmed it to me, and I already knew that he'd never bothered to even look us up. At this point in life there is not much that can be life-changing for me with regard to my brother and father, but I do think my brother has a right to know the truth, rather than go on being used as he has been by my father.
Sounds like dad is a real jerk to know he isn't your brother's biological father but pretend to be anyway so he can get money out of your brother. If I knew someone was keeping a secret from my brother I'd tell him. I usually try to avoid drama, but family is different and when it's your family, then it is your business IMO. Your biological dad shouldn't have told you this. What loyalty to you have to him anyway to keep his secrets? He made no effort to be a good dad and you would never have even met him if you had not sought him out.
Thank you for that! Why did my father even tell me this, only to then claim to regard my brother as his son, when in fact that is not true? Thank you again for asking what loyalty I should have to him, when he never bothered with me until we looked him up! And then I should say that when we did he was most concerned with us perhaps wanting money from him!
As I have come to know my real father I've realized that he is all about money, and himself, despite his great efforts to appear otherwise by invoking religion and indulging in very great pretenses in that way.
What loyalty do I owe him indeed! He has now abandoned me twice in the same lifetime and by my lights nothing better than a fair-weather father! When I was making good money and had a good career he was always at hand, but when my position was outsourced and I ended up poor he took my successful brother's side against me, and Mark is not even his child!
That Mark has gone along with this has kept me from telling him this long, because I've felt he deserved the deception being that he turned against me using my father as his ally. He is living a lie, and has betrayed me for the sake of it.
So, my conundrum is, should I open that can of worms or not? If my brother is so willing to go on like this would it not be only revenge to tell him? I don't believe in revenge, but on the other hand he does have a right to know.
We all need to know who are biological parents are.
If you ever have any weird medical conditions it's nice to know your families history.
I say you tell him!
She may not have known...but she was a clever woman to have hidden some truths from her children over the years. Finding something in her belongings (love letter? idk) or even a picture. I'm not talking about hard facts, but something that MIGHT indicate she had another lover...that could be the catalyst to finding out more or at least opening up the possibility of there being another man.
OH she most certainly knew!!!!
Not only did she lie about that, but also about sleeping with my father's brother! She claimed to us that our middle sister was his (Richard's) child and that my father had forced her to sleep with him! My father vigorously denies that he forced her to do any such thing, and that she did it of her own accord, and paints the picture of our mother that we had always observed to be accurate, that of a woman only concerned with her fun at any price.
She didn't like children at all, was always about herself and her fun with men, and made no bones about it. All of this begs the question of why she bothered having seven kids.
Leave it alone. Why destroy your brothers life with this information? How would this help him? Think if through before you go running your mouth.
I'm half inclined to take your advice, and yet still, in spite of all that has gone on between my father my brother and I, I think he has the right to know the truth, and perhaps start looking up his real father, if that man is still alive.
My own father is simply using him, and that's just not right! After the hellish childhood my brother and I went through, always dreaming that our real dad would someday come back, and after finding my father and learning all this, I think Mark has a right to know. Painful though it would be for him, isn't the truth to be preferred over such a huge lie?
I'm half inclined to take your advice, and yet still, in spite of all that has gone on between my father my brother and I, I think he has the right to know the truth, and perhaps start looking up his real father, if that man is still alive.
My own father is simply using him, and that's just not right! After the hellish childhood my brother and I went through, always dreaming that our real dad would someday come back, and after finding my father and learning all this, I think Mark has a right to know. Painful though it would be for him, isn't the truth to be preferred over such a huge lie?
Are your intentions really that pure?
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
