Do Few People Have Real Friends? (girlfriend, boyfriend, introvert, acquaintance)
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I'm just wondering because right now I feel like I'm spending more time giving in friendships than I am receiving and I don't know if that's ever likely to change. I spent the last 2 years pretty much being a recluse because at some point I came to the realization that a lot of my friendships weren't making me happy at all! I felt like hey were guilting me to hang out with them and putting me down whenever I couldn't and that only further served to keep me away. So i cut ties. I didn't really feel lonely during that reclusive time but I realized that I was living that way not necessarily because I wanted to, but because I hadn't learned how to deal with others and I wanted to learn.
So I've opened my heart up again to people, but now I feel taken for granted by them. I feel like I'm doing a lot of the giving but getting very little return. I feel really LONELY for the first time in a long time and I do not like this feeling at all and beginning to feel like maybe I made a mistake in opening myself back up to others. I have friends now, yes. But I also have problems that I haven't had in years like people texting me all their negativity about life and giving me attitude when I try to cheer them up by sharing positive feedback. I want good, edifying relationships but I don't feel like I've gotten that or that they've ever truly lasted and I'm wondering if it's just a really really rare thing for people to have REAL friends.
I'm being a friend (and a good girlfriend). But I don't feel like I'm getting much return.
Location: The western periphery of Terra Australis
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Just what are you expecting in return? For most people, the main thing they get out of friendship is simply company and not being alone. I do think most people only really have a few good friends they can share a lot with who can emotionally fulfil them. We don't always get to choose our friends, it doesn't work like that, but friendships are supposed to be mutually beneficial. If you feel like you're just being taken advantage of you have to question whether it's much of a real friendship.
When I was young and all through my 20s, I felt like it was pretty easy to make friends, and to have really good friends. But once the whole "work, job, responsibilities" thing started happening, it got more difficult. People have less time, and they get so focused on their careers.
Being an introvert all my life, i've always preffered the company of a few close friends and family then a heard of people being my friends, tires me out just thinking about dealing that many people in my life that some people need to justify their happiness based upon how many people they know. No thanks
It is very hard to find true friends anymore,I'm talking ones that will be by your side at your worst,hard times,that to me is a true friend. I had a friend who I was BFF's with for like 15yrs,suddenly turned on me for no reason what so ever. I like being a loner anyhow. I like doing what I want shopping and such is better to do alone anyway,you can stay in a store as long as want and go to the stores you want. I also have a hard time trusting people as well. Being a loner for me is better.
I had to finally break away from my friendship of over 20 years to a guy I knew back in 1st grade. A combination of life changes, divorce, alchohol abuse, suicide attemps, DUI's, having 4 kids, lying, cheating, running away over the past few years resulted that I finally had to let him go, I couldn't help him anymore.
Took me months to finally accept that there was nothing more I could do to help him, never been so lonely in my life other then breaking up with my ex after 5 years a few months prior. This past few years have not been kind to me relationship or friendship wise, cannot wait to move outa this home town and state.....
So I've opened my heart up again to people, but now I feel taken for granted by them. I feel like I'm doing a lot of the giving but getting very little return. I feel really LONELY for the first time in a long time and I do not like this feeling at all and beginning to feel like maybe I made a mistake in opening myself back up to others. I have friends now, yes. But I also have problems that I haven't had in years like people texting me all their negativity about life and giving me attitude when I try to cheer them up by sharing positive feedback. I want good, edifying relationships but I don't feel like I've gotten that or that they've ever truly lasted and I'm wondering if it's just a really really rare thing for people to have REAL friends.
I'm being a friend (and a good girlfriend). But I don't feel like I'm getting much return.
Maybe you are just trying to turn people who are the "wrong fit" for you into friends. Like maybe you should back away from friendships with people who don't appreciate your attempts to have a positive attitude and to cheer them up when they're in a negative space. Some people are just naturally cynics and others just want to vent and really don't want to hear about how the sun will still come up in the morning. "Yeah, so it can explode and burn up the entire solar system," these types reply. Why bother if that's their attitude? I can see why you feel lonely.
I myself tend to be pretty solitary and only have a couple of people that I consider actual friends. These people put up with my quirks - no easy task - so I make an effort to put up with theirs. When I don't get this kind of reciprocity from someone, I relegate them to the "acquaintance" catagory - nice for a 5 minute chat if I accidentally bump into them at the grocery store, but nothing more.
Sometimes I go for long periods of time with only my own company and while I'm OK with that, I DO feel it's more emotionally healthy to not let myself become a complete hermit. If you tend to be an introvert like me, it can be hard to make real friends. But usually, if I work at it, I can find those one or two others that I can relate to. That's enough for me. Maybe that's all you need, too.
Frankly, I find it exhausting to spend hours with people that I don't connect with. Quality over quantity is my motto!
I'm just wondering because right now I feel like I'm spending more time giving in friendships than I am receiving and I don't know if that's ever likely to change. I spent the last 2 years pretty much being a recluse because at some point I came to the realization that a lot of my friendships weren't making me happy at all! I felt like hey were guilting me to hang out with them and putting me down whenever I couldn't and that only further served to keep me away. So i cut ties. I didn't really feel lonely during that reclusive time but I realized that I was living that way not necessarily because I wanted to, but because I hadn't learned how to deal with others and I wanted to learn.
So I've opened my heart up again to people, but now I feel taken for granted by them. I feel like I'm doing a lot of the giving but getting very little return. I feel really LONELY for the first time in a long time and I do not like this feeling at all and beginning to feel like maybe I made a mistake in opening myself back up to others. I have friends now, yes. But I also have problems that I haven't had in years like people texting me all their negativity about life and giving me attitude when I try to cheer them up by sharing positive feedback. I want good, edifying relationships but I don't feel like I've gotten that or that they've ever truly lasted and I'm wondering if it's just a really really rare thing for people to have REAL friends.
I'm being a friend (and a good girlfriend). But I don't feel like I'm getting much return.
My answer to you would be "no". Many people have good friends. The people who you are calling "friends" are not friends, how ever, they are takers, The more that you give to these folks the less you get in return.
You can keep giving to these people, until it hurts - and it sounds as though it does. You can keeo giving, but the resurt will be the same. These people were "bought" by your water faucet of kindness. You do not ever say "NO" or "ENOUGH!" If they were not bad friends in the beginning, you have trained them to be just that, by giving way too much and by not teaching them to have respect for your needs.
There is a place that is more lonely than having no friends. It is the place that you find yourself in right now. Being surrounded by greedy takers you are bleeding you dry emotionally.
There is no place on earth more lonely than that.
I had a "heart to heart" with some of my friends, they really had no idea I was feeling this way and said they'd step their game up. One of them called me out of the blue to see how I was doing. I consider her a real friend. The other is my boyfriend. From what I gathered from their feedback, they're not mindreaders and some things that seem obvious to me (I'm highly observant and intuitive) isn't always obvious to them and so I have to be blunt with them. My boyfriend thanked me for being up front with him and giving him the feedback because he said he really had no idea that I was feeling this way.
a fair question.
CDF cant fix it. a bit of counseling and maybe coda 12 step if directed by counseling, might help.
boundaries and self care are big players in successful friendships.
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