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If I had a teenage daughter it would be a cold day in hell before a guy would be living with her under my roof while she lets her life slip downhill by having no responsibility whatsoever.
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Chowhound
We know some people, friends of friends, and these people seem to not have any sense in their heads.
The couple are in the late 40's early fifties and they have two kids, 19 yr old daughter and a son who is 16. The daughter is a spoiled immature little turd. She barely graduated HS, she used to be working part time as a hostess in a restaurant. She's living at home and she has her BF living in her bedroom with her. I don't think he has a job right now. His dad just passed recently and he is having a hard time of that, apparently... So I can't blame him too much for that. But, the daughter is living there rent free, not going to any kind of careering training or college. Was working part time, she quit her job to be with her BF.
I don't know.. I just find this living situation weird. I mean really... They both should be in school or work or some combo of both. They should contributing some how to the household.
That's the way I see it.
The Dad.... nice guy, but just a spineless dude. The wife is an obnoxious pig... just a simple way to describe her, I could give a plethora of reasons, I don't want to go off there. Anyways I just can't imagine a grown man letting some dude live at his house, sleep with his daughter in her room and neither one don't appear to contributing.
This wouldn't fly in my home.
This may fly if it was very temporary.
I think this situation has a lot of moving parts.
The father letting the BF move in was a compassionate move. I lost my father at college-age two years ago so I know from experience how rough it is at that young age when combined with trying to turn into a man. I don't think the girl's father was out of line for taking him in if he had no other safe place to go. However, the father really should have made clear that this setup was temporary and set a timetable for the BF to progress in "geting his together" and he really should not have let the BF sleep in the daughter's room period.
The daughter not doing anything meaningful. Sadly the seeds in that situation were long set. I think the only recourse for that is a 30 day eviction notice to either be enrolled in educational pursuits, pursuing enlistment in the military, or looking for a job for the purpose of paying rent. Also, while the daughter is in the house, any sex they have needs to be protected with birth control and condoms, because that setup is a grandchild with unfit parents waiting to happen.
The father letting the BF move in was a compassionate move. I lost my father at college-age two years ago so I know from experience how rough it is at that young age when combined with trying to turn into a man. I don't think the girl's father was out of line for taking him in if he had no other safe place to go. However, the father really should have made clear that this setup was temporary and set a timetable for the BF to progress in "geting his together" and he really should not have let the BF sleep in the daughter's room period.
The daughter not doing anything meaningful. Sadly the seeds in that situation were long set. I think the only recourse for that is a 30 day eviction notice to either be enrolled in educational pursuits, pursuing enlistment in the military, or looking for a job for the purpose of paying rent. Also, while the daughter is in the house, any sex they have needs to be protected with birth control and condoms, because that setup is a grandchild with unfit parents waiting to happen.
Yeah... I agree... giving the kid a helping hand while he gets his bearings about his father is one thing... I have no issue with that part... I even make a brief mention to that in my OP... but I agree... the other things need to be "dealt with"......
My daughter is 19 both she and her boyfriend attend UF...do I know what goes on in Gainnesville?...no...but I do know what goes on in my house...yes...nothing! My house my rules...
We know some people, friends of friends, and these people seem to not have any sense in their heads.
The couple are in the late 40's early fifties and they have two kids, 19 yr old daughter and a son who is 16. The daughter is a spoiled immature little turd. She barely graduated HS, she used to be working part time as a hostess in a restaurant. She's living at home and she has her BF living in her bedroom with her. I don't think he has a job right now. His dad just passed recently and he is having a hard time of that, apparently... So I can't blame him too much for that. But, the daughter is living there rent free, not going to any kind of careering training or college. Was working part time, she quit her job to be with her BF.
I don't know.. I just find this living situation weird. I mean really... They both should be in school or work or some combo of both. They should contributing some how to the household.
That's the way I see it.
The Dad.... nice guy, but just a spineless dude. The wife is an obnoxious pig... just a simple way to describe her, I could give a plethora of reasons, I don't want to go off there. Anyways I just can't imagine a grown man letting some dude live at his house, sleep with his daughter in her room and neither one don't appear to contributing.
This wouldn't fly in my home.
This may fly if it was very temporary.
I agree, that would not fly in my home either. If you're living with me, you're working or going to school. If you want to live with your boyfriend, you can do it at his place. He may need help, but he is NOT sleeping in the same room with my daughter.
Well I've seen a lot; what ur describing is pretty common. These days parents wanna be buddies with their kids & the kids are alarmingly lazy, unmotivated, narcissistic & entitled. Lol I've had to be the bad guy so many times- not because of my kids so much- most recently a 17 yr old girl who has been around was debating with me why I should allow my 19 yr old son to sleep at her place. Her point was her mom allows all her boyfriends to stayover. Sidenote- this girl also doesn't work, or go to school, & the mom buys her cigarettes. There's more but I'll leave it at that
Stupid people procreate & this is what happens.
So these so called parents are useless in my book.
Anything close to this wouldn't have been allowed when I was a teen either! I'm an only child with 2 very strict parents who had me at an older age, so they have these old fashioned fashioned values. I couldn't even date until I was 18 & out of high school period. It's a good thing I wasn't boy crazy and/or had all these guys who wanted to be with me. There was this one guy in high school who was 2 grades older than me. All they allowed me to do is talk with him on the phone & he came over a few times.
I know someone who has so many people living in her house that I have totally lost track, and it started out with a friend of her son's who had a bad home life, back in high school. She let him come live with her, fine, makes sense, he was a minor child at the time. The guy is now in his 20's though and still lives there, contributes nothing. Same with her other adult kids, and their friends, girlfriends, what have you. The thing is, she complains about money all the time, struggles mightily to feed everyone, but her home is overrun with able bodied young adults that sit around playing video games all day.
I don't get it. Well I am starting to get it... she (the mom) gets off by feeling "needed". If she made these people help out, get work, contribute money, or move out, then she couldn't be such a "giving person" in her mind. At one point her own minor child (the youngest and only one legally entitled to her support) had nowhere to sleep due to all the "house guests" and that was where I just got tired of all of it because she'd always complain to me about how she was so put upon... I am all for helping people when you can, but there is no way it is going to be at the expense of my own minor child!
Anyway, point is, some people let this sort of thing go on to fill their own needs for whatever. My own mother would welcome all of us (in our family of five) to live with her in a heartbeat but it'd be about control and being able to say later what she'd done for us. There's usually some underlying motivation. For the record, the mom in the situation I described is older than me by at least a decade (I am 41).
I know someone who has so many people living in her house that I have totally lost track, and it started out with a friend of her son's who had a bad home life, back in high school. She let him come live with her, fine, makes sense, he was a minor child at the time. The guy is now in his 20's though and still lives there, contributes nothing. Same with her other adult kids, and their friends, girlfriends, what have you. The thing is, she complains about money all the time, struggles mightily to feed everyone, but her home is overrun with able bodied young adults that sit around playing video games all day.
I don't get it. Well I am starting to get it... she (the mom) gets off by feeling "needed". If she made these people help out, get work, contribute money, or move out, then she couldn't be such a "giving person" in her mind. At one point her own minor child (the youngest and only one legally entitled to her support) had nowhere to sleep due to all the "house guests" and that was where I just got tired of all of it because she'd always complain to me about how she was so put upon... I am all for helping people when you can, but there is no way it is going to be at the expense of my own minor child!
Anyway, point is, some people let this sort of thing go on to fill their own needs for whatever. My own mother would welcome all of us (in our family of five) to live with her in a heartbeat but it'd be about control and being able to say later what she'd done for us. There's usually some underlying motivation. For the record, the mom in the situation I described is older than me by at least a decade (I am 41).
I worked with a guy like this. I counted one time-he had fifteen people living in his small house, including the tent in the backyard! They were his adult kids, grandkids, their friends etc. No one paid rent and they refused to do chores. They ordered $50 pay-per-view sporting events. His oldest was unemployed for years as she worked the welfare system. He had constant problems with the septic system since it wasn't designed for that many people.
This guy worked 70+ hours per week at two jobs plus his wife worked part time. The drama was endless but he refused to do anything so the handouts continued.
Fast forward 25+ years and he was forced to retire due to medical issues. He and his wife moved away but quickly returned. He stopped by the office the other day. They are living with their daughter and her adult kids. Guess what? He is now supporting his adult grandkids! During his visit he got a phone call. Apparently he has to make his granddaughter's car payment for her. The cycle continues.
The one benefit to working with him is I was determined to not have my kid turn out like that.
Yeah... often get criticized by people when I criticize their parenting skills because we don't have any kids ourselves.
I don't think that has any bearing on me being able to look at a situation and use common sense.
The thing about the dad is that he is doing his children a disservice, he's doing society a disservice, and just a general lack of balls I find to be annoying... sorry to be crude here.
I used to be involved with hiring and training and mentoring of new/younger hires. I find that there seems to such an entitlement mentality... yeah, yeah, I know... every generation says the same thing... "these kids today"... but I think the rate at which things are declining... sort of scares me...
I wonder where this country is going to be in the next 25 yrs......
The pendulum will swing back and forth. That's been the case throughout human history. The entitlement mentality will bottom out and shape into a new dominant paradigm. Look, there's always going to be something horrible about each generation, but something good too. Take the so-called Greatest Generation - they won WWII through perseverance and bravery. They also regularly overlooked human suffering that was right in front of them in the form of domestic violence, addiction, abuse, racism and sexual assault. You didn't talk about "nasty" things and you didn't need to worry about empathy or fair treatment for anyone who wasn't a white male for the most part.
But keep in mind that this particular situation your posting about isn't an approach ANYONE on here thinks is ok and the only reason you posted about it is that it's so bizarre and unusual of a situation. So this isn't indicative of an overreaching trend. I don't know a single person who wouldn't put a boot straight up their kid's ass well before the scenario you describe ever got rolling.
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together" and he really should not have let the BF sleep in the daughter's room period. 
