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I've never meet a couple like this before where I literally disliked both of them to the point that it drains me to be around them. I work with one (the male) and the other has tried to become social with me but she is just like her hubby and I cannot stomach to be around either of them now. At first I sympathized because I thought he would be a huge challenge for her to be around that often. When I finally called her back, he questions me like he wants to know the who what where when and why of my call. It really shook me up. So I suspected he had already done away with her but then he finally allowed her on the phone. LOL. By the way, both are grad school level, so they're not like insecure losers.
The only reason I called was she kept asking me on outings and I thought she really needed to get away and I had tickets to an event because my friend couldn't go to. I thought it was a good opportunity to get her away for a change.
So we went out on a girl's day. She was utterly insufferable! Arrogant, acted like she ruled the world, just as her husband does. She insulted me numerous times but in a very passive aggressive way. To give an example of my impression prior to our outing, her family seems to dislike her immensely at other events I've seen her at, but then they treat many people like that so it was hard to tell. And I assumed she was an undervalued mistreated wife, even though she's a successful attorney. My assumption was WRONG.
So of course there will never be a second social outing -NEVER. lol. But it begs the question, what does one do when they have people in their family who are like this -- people they are required to associate with?
Most people can be disregarded and ignored when they call or write when they're just people, but when you are somewhat obligated it's harder. For example, there's a person whom I'm very close to. Her daughter ranks right up there with these other people. I personally cannot stand to be around her because she acts superior because she's a "christian" who seems to think her prayers should be paid for and anything good that happens is because God is Good. Anything bad that happens, it is "god's plan." However, I feel obligated to keep in touch with her because I care so much for her elderly parents and want to stay in the loop.
Maybe I'm becoming intolerable myself because of my intolerance, lol. Please advise. What's the trick to tolerating insufferable people who have ties to things and others you need to stay in touch with? Or do you think I am the one needing to adjust my attitude?
It's not clear, OP: are these people (the couple) relatives of yours in some way? If not, you have no obligation to spend any time with them at all outside of work. Find people who are uplifting, considerate and fun, and spend time with them. You don't need to spend time with a friend's daughter just because she's her daughter. I don't spend time with my friends' kids. They have their own friends, their own world.
Why are you even around these people? Of course everyone has colleagues they dislike that they must be around in a work environment. Colleagues I dislike I simply avoid and don't speak to, beyond a cursory "hello." Yet you're socializing with people you don't like?
Then you're the problem, not them. Grow a backbone and excise them from your life. Problem solved.
I feel obligated to keep in touch with her because I care so much for her elderly parents and want to stay in the loop.
Maybe I'm becoming intolerable myself because of my intolerance, lol. Please advise. What's the trick to tolerating insufferable people who have ties to things and others you need to stay in touch with? Or do you think I am the one needing to adjust my attitude?
No MyAnon, you don't sound like the one needs "adjustment"...they do. Just don't try to be so friendly anymore...don't get too close...just enough that you can still see the old folks occasionally...there's not much else you can do when they hold the keys to your seeing the elders....there really is no trick..just a high level of tolerance, and determination.
It sounds to me like you're growing up! LOL! Took me forever to figure out that I'd rather be alone in my fine company... than spend time with someone who brings me down. That includes my family.
You always have a choice of whether or not to attend any function. I even chose not to go to a family member's funeral, because i didn't want to be around my crazy family. I said my goodbye's my way, and avoided all the drama.
I've never meet a couple like this before where I literally disliked both of them to the point that it drains me to be around them. I work with one (the male) and the other has tried to become social with me but she is just like her hubby and I cannot stomach to be around either of them now. At first I sympathized because I thought he would be a huge challenge for her to be around that often. When I finally called her back, he questions me like he wants to know the who what where when and why of my call. It really shook me up. So I suspected he had already done away with her but then he finally allowed her on the phone. LOL. By the way, both are grad school level, so they're not like insecure losers.
Being an insecure loser is not limited to those who are NOT "grad school level".
The only reason I called was she kept asking me on outings and I thought she really needed to get away and I had tickets to an event because my friend couldn't go to. I thought it was a good opportunity to get her away for a change.
Your choice to make that call. If you really did not want to socialize with her you would not have made that call. I don't do anything I don't want to do no matter who it is or what the perceived circumstance of someone else's life is.
So we went out on a girl's day. She was utterly insufferable! Arrogant, acted like she ruled the world, just as her husband does. She insulted me numerous times but in a very passive aggressive way. To give an example of my impression prior to our outing, her family seems to dislike her immensely at other events I've seen her at, but then they treat many people like that so it was hard to tell. And I assumed she was an undervalued mistreated wife, even though she's a successful attorney. My assumption was WRONG.
So of course there will never be a second social outing -NEVER. lol. But it begs the question, what does one do when they have people in their family who are like this -- people they are required to associate with?
No one is "required" to associate with anyone beyond the scope of their involvement with each other. IF it is business keep it business and don't involve anything personal. IF you are family, so what, don't waste your time associating with them. If you happen to be at the same gathering be cordial, say hello and limit your interaction with them.
Most people can be disregarded and ignored when they call or write when they're just people, but when you are somewhat obligated it's harder. For example, there's a person whom I'm very close to. Her daughter ranks right up there with these other people. I personally cannot stand to be around her because she acts superior because she's a "christian" who seems to think her prayers should be paid for and anything good that happens is because God is Good. Anything bad that happens, it is "god's plan." However, I feel obligated to keep in touch with her because I care so much for her elderly parents and want to stay in the loop.
You put that obligation on yourself, she has nothing to do with it. If you care for her elderly parents so much limit your contact to them and leave her out of it but don't blame her for YOUR own feelings of obligation.
Maybe I'm becoming intolerable myself because of my intolerance, lol. Please advise. What's the trick to tolerating insufferable people who have ties to things and others you need to stay in touch with? Or do you think I am the one needing to adjust my attitude?[/quote]
Sounds like my old partner. Except I liked the guy in small doses. We were partners in several corporations. He was an absent co-owner for the business I ran (lived 200 miles away), but we had monthly day-long board meetings for another corporation. He was the president and ceo of this one, I was vp. I left those meetings totally drained and on edge. It seemed as the years went by it got worse and worse. I finally had to leave, sell out everything, ditch the 6-figure income (in the 70s) and start over. I just couldn't take it, all because my "partner" was so frickin intense and overbearing.
There are times, when I'm feeling the pinch financially, that I think I should have stayed, but the stress was just too much. He wouldn't sell out, so I did.
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