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for example, i want friends who are like me when it comes to personal decisions. those who are faithful to only one partner (monogamous), people compassionate enough to other creatures to be vegetarian, people who care about the world enough to recycle and compost.
for example, before i've had friends who were simply cruel to others, who were thieves to people i didn't know, who cheated on their partners, who tried to seduce another person in a relationship. most of these people didn't care one bit for animals or the earth, and this annoyed me a bit, and i annoyed them when i tried convincing them to change their ways (recycling). who practically worshipped stupid celebrities and rich people on TV (like that show with Paris Hilton) by giving them so much attention.
it seems unnatural to specifically seek people who think like me out. and the only way i can seem to do that, making sure we're on the same page is by posting an ad describing my attributes and those i seek in a potential friend, then arranging to meet whoever replies. i am very picky about the people i choose to have personal relationships with, and prefer to go through life alone rather than spend my extracurricular time with those with poor taste and unrefined choice-making.
i guess this makes me sound like a snob. either that or antisocial, or both.
No, it is not weird.
There is nothing wrong with having like minded close friends.
I imagine that the people you don't care for, said you were a snob or antisocial.
If you are ok with you, it doesn't really matter what anyone else thinks.
However, you do need to learn how to communicate with all types of people, especially in the workplace.
for example, i want friends who are like me when it comes to personal decisions. those who are faithful to only one partner (monogamous), people compassionate enough to other creatures to be vegetarian, people who care about the world enough to recycle and compost.
for example, before i've had friends who were simply cruel to others, who were thieves to people i didn't know, who cheated on their partners, who tried to seduce another person in a relationship. most of these people didn't care one bit for animals or the earth, and this annoyed me a bit, and i annoyed them when i tried convincing them to change their ways (recycling). who practically worshipped stupid celebrities and rich people on TV (like that show with Paris Hilton) by giving them so much attention.
it seems unnatural to specifically seek people who think like me out. and the only way i can seem to do that, making sure we're on the same page is by posting an ad describing my attributes and those i seek in a potential friend, then arranging to meet whoever replies. i am very picky about the people i choose to have personal relationships with, and prefer to go through life alone rather than spend my extracurricular time with those with poor taste and unrefined choice-making.
i guess this makes me sound like a snob. either that or antisocial, or both.
but my question is...how odd is it?
It is vitally important to choose deep Friends who have the same BASIC Foundation as yourself when it comes to morals, ethics, integrity, etc... but we also need to allow the other Person freewill choice in matters that are secondary such as recycling , what they eat or drink , what kind of ice cream they buy, etc... Youll find that the more you have in common with another Person in the BASICS, the more on the same wavelength you will be ...and that will enhance a relationship. I also believe you can have moderate type Friends with someone who you share SOME things in common with but whos basic Foundation differs from yours 'somewhat' . For instance, im a Christian and i have a few people in my life that profess to be Atheist and use a certain level of vile and foul language as is typical with this social group in which i find myself having to make allowances over because theyve chosen a lower way of living that they would term 'freedom' (something i once followed for some 10 adult years ,so i can relate) ; so, I tolerate some of their verbage but i will refuse to do some of the things that they think nothing about doing . The key i think, is to live with people in peace as much as it depends on us...without crossing over clear moral boundaries and thus searing your own moral Conscience because the pop-culture promotes it.
I hope that gave you a thumbnail sketch on the issue. Can u relate to anything i said ? Regards.
It's not weird to want your friends to have similar values.
But I think it's a losing proposition to judge friends for not living up to those values. People are just humans. They fail. They make mistakes. They see things differently because their perspective is different from yours.
If you seek out people who are the same as you, who judge those around them for not living up to a standard of morality that demands perfection, in the end, those people will find you lacking as well.
I think true friendship is about loving your friends for what they add to your life, and accepting them, flaws and all, because they love you the same way, flaws and all.
We all goof up from time to time. And it is our act of devotion to our friends to support them when they stumble and when they make mistakes.
On the other hand, if someone's value system is markedly different than your own, then you will be continually dealing with their actions, actions that you think are unwise or downright immoral. For a value system isn't about your choice in music or movies. It's how that person treats himself and others. It's his approach to every single situation he encounters.
And lest anyone think that one person's actions don't affect others, they really do. Because if someone is your friend, you care about that person and his or her wellbeing. And when that person consistently does things that you consider harmful, it really takes an emotional toll. Have people in your life who constantly make bad choices because of a screwed-up value system, and you wind up dealing with their messes in one way or another. It's unavoidable. And you really can't compartmentalize things either. After all, if you care enough about someone to be his friend, then you'll care about that person when he gets into terrible scrapes because his values led him that way.
Nobody has ever confused me for a goody two-shoes. But I have always had a really good nose for trouble in terms of what one should and shouldn't do. Doing hard drugs is one of those. Going out and drinking every night is another. Having a bunch of one-night stands is yet another. Lying, cheating, and stealing are others. These are not mistakes. One does not accidentally shoot heroin into one's arm. One does not accidentally fall into the arms of a prostitute or a mistress. One does not accidentally commit crimes such as embezzlement.
Do a bunch of drugs or drink to excess, and it will destroy your health, your ability to earn a living, and your relationships. You will be reduced to a gibbering shell of a human being. I've seen it happen with way too many people. And every single one of those poor wretches thought, when they started down that path, that they could handle it. People who are indiscriminate about whom they bed almost always wind up being sorry over the long haul. I've known plenty of people who wound up with kids they didn't want or diseases they didn't want. I've known people whose family lives were wrecked because they couldn't resist temptation. And, of course, lying, cheating, and stealing go without saying. Do you really want someone like that in your life?
Take it from me. I've had people sleep on my couch because they were tossed out by a betrayed significant other. I've lent money to people who had an addiction and had come to the ends of their ropes. In my extended family, I've seen the misery that has resulted from alcoholism, drugs, and unwanted pregnancies. No momentary fun is worth the lifelong consequences. Yet the consequences from those decisions ripple out into that person's network of family and friends. At a time when my wife and I were undergoing some major crisis in our own life, we wound up taking care of the children of my alcoholic sister-in-law for months on end. As the result of another brother-in-law having a one-night stand with a girl he couldn't have cared about in the least, we've had the ongoing drama of the resulting daughter for the past twenty years.
In short, no person is an island. And the decisions of those around you have a marked impact on you and your life. That's why you choose your friends wisely.
Sure it's natural. Hanging out with someone too different from you can be more challenging than a lot of people would think worth it. If you are not as open as others are about making diversified friendships work no matter what, then the less likely a friendship like that will work for you.
While we all want our friends to be somewhat like us in their basic makeup (things like honesty, morals, attitude, and things like that) it is totally unreasonable to expect them to be clones of us in every respect.
I like friendly people who share similar interests to me and who are generally nice folks, but I really don't care what they eat, their religion, their politics, etc, etc. In fact, it is nice to have friends who are diverse in their beliefs because you get a variety of thoughts on various subjects when you talk with them. This is how we learn.
Sounds to me like you expect too much from your friends..........people are just people and you have to accept them for what they are.
It's not weird to want your friends to have similar values.
But I think it's a losing proposition to judge friends for not living up to those values. People are just humans. They fail. They make mistakes. They see things differently because their perspective is different from yours.
If you seek out people who are the same as you, who judge those around them for not living up to a standard of morality that demands perfection, in the end, those people will find you lacking as well.
I think true friendship is about loving your friends for what they add to your life, and accepting them, flaws and all, because they love you the same way, flaws and all.
I think its wrong and undignified to not judge/discern whether someone else youre considering being a friend with , has some basic integrity/morals/ethics/values/principles since all of these are going to come into play in the newly formed relationship and shall continue. Yes, we all fail...but there are some people who actually get comfortable in their failures to where they dont care anymore and choose to do it all the more. I can pass on friends like that . I need deep friendships where personal integrity isnt optional .
If such people find me 'lacking' because I require basic integrity and self dignity from another, then I find them too shallow for my friendship and for the work im willing to put into maintaining the friendship .
I think it is wrong to be tolerant to ongoing, repeated, apathetic , immoral/unethical ways of living by another regardless of who they are when they are associated with you ; the reason America is so morally corrupt today is because peoples arent willing to be loving enough to tactfully call another to account and instead , they could care less. Its called twisted tolerance which is nothing more than apathy .
for example, i want friends who are like me when it comes to personal decisions. those who are faithful to only one partner (monogamous), people compassionate enough to other creatures to be vegetarian, people who care about the world enough to recycle and compost.
for example, before i've had friends who were simply cruel to others, who were thieves to people i didn't know, who cheated on their partners, who tried to seduce another person in a relationship. most of these people didn't care one bit for animals or the earth, and this annoyed me a bit, and i annoyed them when i tried convincing them to change their ways (recycling). who practically worshipped stupid celebrities and rich people on TV (like that show with Paris Hilton) by giving them so much attention.
it seems unnatural to specifically seek people who think like me out. and the only way i can seem to do that, making sure we're on the same page is by posting an ad describing my attributes and those i seek in a potential friend, then arranging to meet whoever replies. i am very picky about the people i choose to have personal relationships with, and prefer to go through life alone rather than spend my extracurricular time with those with poor taste and unrefined choice-making.
i guess this makes me sound like a snob. either that or antisocial, or both.
but my question is...how odd is it?
How odd is it? Personally, I find it VERY odd.....your intolerance of those who believe differently than you do. Although it's wise to associate mainly with those whose moral compass is pointed in the direction of "good", you are isolating yourself from others with your intolerance. In your eyes, there is only black and white. Your way or the highway.
If you don't make some changes, I predict that you're going to be a very lonely, miserable human being. Don't look for a mirror image of yourself, when choosing friends. Look for those who accept you for who you are, and people who don't try to cram their beliefs and habits down your throat.....THEN, learn to be the same kind of person you're looking for in a friend. Of course, you'll want your close friends to have "similar" interests, but they shouldn't have to be EXACTLY like you. Again, you are the one with the problem and yeah...it's odd, but it's more than that.....it's sad.
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