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I am normally a bubbly talkative person, outgoing and relaxed. But over the next week I am moving cross country, closing on a house...moving dogs, kids, house. I'm stressed. I'm quiet. I have a slight scowl on my face, you can see the tension. I'm a bit more short.
And it feels like everyone is telling me "don't stress", "relax", "everything is fine, don't be stressed". It's really annoying me. I am not running around screaming or acting totally like a b****. I'm just not my normal me. Why do people say that? Why can't they just freaking validate that this is stressful and I am holding together just fine.
Ugh. I'd be insane not to be stressed out. Who wouldn't be stressed?
They're saying they want you to be your usual self, the person they enjoy being around. It's a bit self-centered of them.
I have a friend like that. On the rare occasions I'm stressed, he glosses over it because he doesn't want to have to deal with it. "Relax!" It's so dismissive.
Just be sure that every time you get a room packed, or get those papers signed to do the happy dance. Swing your arms and legs and move around in circles. Each night that you stop on that cross country move (I assume you're driving) get out and do the happy dance. Get the dogs and kids to do it with you.
Repeat until the last box is unpacked in your new place. Then you can be yourself again.
Of course, what you're doing is stressful! It's way high on the list of the most stressful and anxiety-ridden events of your whole life.
But the picture I received from what you said is that your friends and those around you are just trying to encourage and comfort you. It's hard for me to understand why their good intentions are annoying you so greatly.
Would it be helpful to you if you could decide to view their words & actions as their way of trying to help? You're obviously doing the very best you can and I'd venture to say, so are these people also doing the best they can to help you at this time.
Nice job High Flyer, shoot, who wouldn't be wigging out? no worries, soon, you can sit down on the floor and have a nice glass of grape juice surrounded by a dozen boxes, lol.
Just be sure that every time you get a room packed, or get those papers signed to do the happy dance. Swing your arms and legs and move around in circles. Each night that you stop on that cross country move (I assume you're driving) get out and do the happy dance. Get the dogs and kids to do it with you.
Repeat until the last box is unpacked in your new place. Then you can be yourself again.
That's great! I'm moving half of a 1BR apartment in August (not taking a lot of stuff because it's very old and falling apart) and I think I'll join the happy dances.
Of course, what you're doing is stressful! It's way high on the list of the most stressful and anxiety-ridden events of your whole life.
But the picture I received from what you said is that your friends and those around you are just trying to encourage and comfort you. It's hard for me to understand why their good intentions are annoying you so greatly.
Would it be helpful to you if you could decide to view their words & actions as their way of trying to help? You're obviously doing the very best you can and I'd venture to say, so are these people also doing the best they can to help you at this time.
I wish you peace and all good outcomes.
Well I smile and say "Im trying" or "I know it will turn out ok" or things like that. I know they are not intending harm so I don't bite their head off. I just needed to vent. I do try really hard not to tell people what feelings they should or shouldn't have...but I have been in loads of therapy and know how to validate people. Not everyone has that skill...and invalidation is what they know to be helpful. I do get it, I just needed to vent a little.
And I appreciate the validation from people here. Moving, buying a house (with 0 back up plan), etc is really hard work...really a stressful time.
I totally agree with you OP. I validate you and your right to just be stressed.
I hate when people say "don't stress." Sometimes we NEED stress to drive us through a situation in life.
The WORST thing to say to anyone stressed-out is "relax," followed by "calm down."
Some life situations call for temporarily NOT being relaxed and calm.
Oh boy, I just did the cross country move twice in two years. I get what you're saying! It's very stressful, for sure.
I wish you the best with everything! Good luck and safe travels!
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