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This is a very unfair prejudice that a lot of people have. I don't see the problem as long as he's working? Living alone is very expensive! Perhaps he's being prudent by keeping his costs down so he can save for the future?
Stupid and unnecessary stigma.
To say that she wouldn't want to stay the night with him is not a stigma. It is a personal preference. She prefers not to date a man that lives with his parents. I would not want to either. When you are just beginning to date, you are trying to get to know each other. Throwing the whole family into the mix that soon is off putting to say the least.
To say that she wouldn't want to stay the night with him is not a stigma. It is a personal preference. She prefers not to date a man that lives with his parents. I would not want to either. When you are just beginning to date, you are trying to get to know each other. Throwing the whole family into the mix that soon is off putting to say the least.
And that defines someone's personality, how? It's the silly American stereotype of the guy at home living in his mother's basement of course.
I'm contemplating moving to the UK and I'll have to inevitably live with my mother for a while. Would that make me a loser, even though I would be doing it with a view to bettering myself.
And that defines someone's personality, how? It's the silly American stereotype of the guy at home living in his mother's basement of course.
I'm contemplating moving to the UK and I'll have to inevitably live with my mother for a while. Would that make me a loser, even though I would be doing it with a view to bettering myself.
You are projecting your own feelings about your situation onto us. No where did I or the other poster say the guy is a loser or that living with his mother defined his personality. Instead we said that we would prefer not to date someone living with his parent.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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Originally Posted by non-creep
And that defines someone's personality, how? It's the silly American stereotype of the guy at home living in his mother's basement of course.
I'm contemplating moving to the UK and I'll have to inevitably live with my mother for a while. Would that make me a loser, even though I would be doing it with a view to bettering myself.
For a while is one thing. Generally that is done to get ones feet under them. To recover financially usually. Nothing wrong with that, but if that is the case you're not in a place to date really. Get on ones feet again, get independent and self sufficient, then date.
I don't see the stigma in most cases. Certainly an adult child in their 30s living with mom and dad for no other reasons than because they can is a bit out of the ordinary but in most cases, in a financial need situation, i don't see any thing wrong with it.
I have good friend in his 50s that lost his wife and his job within a 6 month period. Him and his young son moved in with his parents for at least a year. I certainly didn't think any less of him.. he was doing what he needed to do to get back on his feet.
Thank goodness for him that he had parents and someone to lean on in his situation.
I don't think there is anything wrong with adult children living with their parents, provided they are working and supporting themselves and the household, or working on getting themselves to that position. The stigma applies to those who "refuse to launch," or take advantage of the situation, or abuse the elders, situations that are unfortunately not rare or isolated. I think many of these children have mental illness or depression and the parents are not helping by enabling the behaviors. What's going to happen to them when eventually the parents do pass away leaving them without work history or eligibility for social security?
I had two aunts and an uncle who never married. They lived in their mother's house all their lives, but they all had jobs and contributed to her support and to the household, indeed they helped my family out many times when my folks were struggling young parents of a large family. After Nana's death they continued to share a household. They weren't joined at the hip, they had their own interests, and my uncle even went to work in a foreign mission for a couple years. They were happy living with family whom they loved and cared for. Pennsylvania did cause them problems as they died and each had to pay inheritance taxes on the portion of the estate inherited from their sibling, but I think they had very happy lives. In those days it was socially accepted and questions of dating and the morning after did not arise.
I wouldn't mind sharing a house with (some of my) siblings. When my mom and I were looking for a retirement place, though, she insisted we get a duplex or side-by-side townhouses. She thought it important that we each have our own place.
Last edited by Johanna25; 10-17-2013 at 10:08 AM..
My brother-in-law is that person. He's in his late 40s now, is a part-owner in an engineering firm, and just married a total witch fifteen years ago. The marriage lasted all of a year, and he was so traumatized that he moved into his parents' basement and has never left. He drives 90 minutes to work and back, doesn't own a stick of furniture and pays a pittance to his parents for his share of the mortgage, food, utilities, etc. All he does is drive to work, work, drive home from work, and work at home in the basement. Not much of a life. In fact, it's downright pathetic. For he while he now has more money than Croesus, he doesn't spend squat on himself and his life. He's become pretty obese, dresses in old vendor polo shirts, never takes a vacation, never dates, never does anything. He has a 20 year old daughter for whom he won't pay her college tuition. I mean, what exactly is he saving that money for anyway?
It's obvious that your brother-in-law is in deep depression. And the weight gain is keeping him there for a long time to come.
It's people that criticize people like your brother-in-law that are the bad people. He needs help. Someone close to him should gently talk with him about seeing a pyscologist or something. He probably needs to be put on some medications.
He is not going out or dating because he is depressed and doesn't love himself.
It is hard to give money to anyone, let alone your own daughter when you don't even love yourself.
He has to address his problems, get back to feeling better , both mentally and physically. And then he should help his daughter.
I'm guessing it is not good for him to be living with his parents because they probably aren't good parents, and are bad for his self-esteem.
The guy obviously has some mental problems. Probably from the fact he had bad parents.
Pet peeves will show up on this thread. If it offends you, I apologize.
When I left my ex-husband he said, "Go live with your MOTHER..."
So, I took my two kids, was assisted by a local agency and did NOT live with my mother.
I took sick a couple of times and my brother (who knows everything) felt I should go "...live with my mother...".
Honestly, I did and do not want to bare the stigma of living with my mother.
I love my mother she helps me immensely.
However, I DO notice some cultures believe it's okay to have multi-generational households.
What are your thoughts about adult children living with their parents?
In the case of care
taking, I think it's a good idea.
Some cultures welcome their adult children in their homes. Some Italian men live with their parents/mother well past their 30s or 40s because it's like having the world's best roommates but living for free.
My aunt and uncle lived with my grandparents (until they passed away) after they were married, my 3 cousins grew up there.
II see nothing wrong with moving back in with your mother or parents. My parents once told me that I would always have some place to live with them if I needed it, luckily I never did. Rents are expensive and I lived with my parents into my late 20s and it was great, I was able to save up a few years rent that way. They didn't want me to move, but I felt it was time and I moved only about 2 miles away.
The way people want their kids out of the house when they turn 18 seems wrong to me.
For a while is one thing. Generally that is done to get ones feet under them. To recover financially usually. Nothing wrong with that, but if that is the case you're not in a place to date really. Get on ones feet again, get independent and self sufficient, then date.
So what if your not living on your own who are you to say they are not in a place to date? Just because they do not have their own apartment does not mean they do not have a lot to offer.
So what if your not living on your own who are you to say they are not in a place to date? Just because they do not have their own apartment does not mean they do not have a lot to offer.
I'd think it's more a matter of privacy and freedom. They can be really important when you're newly dating and there are plenty of scenarios wherein they're compromised or otherwise made unnecessarily awkward by the person you're seeing living in someone else's home. Even more so when it's their family/parents rather than roommates/buddies.
Your home can be a huge part of your intimate personal life, your "base of operations". I'd say it wouldn't be as much of an issue if one of you at least had your own place but it's not unusual for people to get tired of always being the one who "hosts" when staying in, especially if the reason is that trying to spend quality time at the other person's place has the potential to be an annoyance/disturbance.
The kind of annoyances that could be involved are the kind a lot of Westerners look forward to leaving behind in adulthood. I don't blame people for not wanting to go back to that if they don't have to, even if it does ultimately mean crossing some really great people off their list.
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