Needy people (wife, person, acquaintance, friendship)
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I have a fairly new friend and she is very down and negative almost constantly. It is kinda tiresome as she is a grown woman with a job, a home, 3 beautiful grown up daughters and no actual problems whatsoever.
Oh she thinks her daughters don't need her anymore, that's a problem. And her feet hurt if she dances all night.
Anyway my life sucks at the moment so when she rang me today to complain again for once I had a big long heap of crap to tell her. She listens then goes "I think I'm going to hang up now, you've really brought me down".
This after I'd listened to her depression and anxiety because she'd bought the wrong size container at Ikea, had run out of contact paper lining her cupboards, and couldn't get down that far anyway because she's too old (not even 60).
Am confused as to why you consider her a 'friend' since you haven't one positive thing to say about her.
- How did you meet her in the first place?
- And most importantly, Why are you continuing to have contact with her?
You are making it appear as though you are being forced to interact with her.
I agree. Also, the OP does not mention what kind of problem she shared on the phone to her friend but gives details of the friend's problems and thinks little of them.
I would suggest you distance yourself from her. Not sure how old you are, but by my early 30s I'd let a few toxic friendships go, because I didn't need that type of negativity and drama (omg, I ran out of shelf paper liners!) in my life. Everyone has bad days, everyone goes through rough patches, but if she behaves this way in every interaction you have, I don't think the friendship is worth it. Only you can decide if the good outweighs the bad.
I agree. Also, the OP does not mention what kind of problem she shared on the phone to her friend but gives details of the friend's problems and thinks little of them.
It has been said that 'friends are a reflection of ourselves'. . . I can personally attest that there have been times I disliked something about another person, and then found I had the same fault!
Location: NYC based - Used to Live in Philly - Transplant from Miami
2,307 posts, read 2,771,314 times
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Well put it this way, she told you that you brought her down. But it seems she brought you ever further down.
Of course this is only my basic observation without any more details. (of what things you talked about, why you stayed in touch with her, etc etc)
It has been said that 'friends are a reflection of ourselves'. . . I can personally attest that there have been times I disliked something about another person, and then found I had the same fault!
Yes! I just realized that I am a perfectionist just like my friends!
Am confused as to why you consider her a 'friend' since you haven't one positive thing to say about her.
- How did you meet her in the first place?
- And most importantly, Why are you continuing to have contact with her?
You are making it appear as though you are being forced to interact with her.
I'm inclined to agree, but things happen... I have a very violent friend. Well, verbally abusive. In 2001, I simply ended our friendship. He's your typical abusive person, he's nice as pie and his apologies are some of the most heartfelt I've ever heard. He made me so angry back then that I got in his face and threatened violence if he didn't back down. He backed down!
I ran into him a lot during the 2000s. He seemed like he changed, so in 2010, I left him back into my life. He's a lot of fun to be with most of the time. Unfortunately, his angry and emotional tirades full of character assassination and seething words started again, so I've backed away. I hate ending relationships because it's so difficult for me to find people who're not consumed by the bread and circuses, consumerism, religion, and the two party system.
I too have been the "Debbie downer." I lost a high paying factory job, beautiful wife, and our son. I carried that pain for more than a decade and I was miserable. I forced my way into people's lives probably by playing the pity card, so while I agree with your words, in the topic starter's defense, platonic relationships are just as gray as the romantic ones, and we all make mistakes and get trapped in bad friendships. It happens... The topic starter sounds like she's worn down to a nub and needed to vent anonymously about a taxing friendship that's sour. I guess I was just trying to put myself in her shoes to show how we all can fall into "toxic friendships."
I agree largely with what everybody else has said, but unfortunately, I guess I've given you all reputation points recently...
I'm rethinking my original words here. If I take a problem to somebody, and they summarily tell me I've brought them down and they want to end the phone call/visit, I'd seriously consider moving that person to acquaintance status. No, I'm sure I would. As long as they're not verbally and emotionally abusive, I could tolerate a fair weather friend. I'd just know deep down inside that I couldn't really trust them or take a problem to them. However, I don't know if I'd toss the entire friendship... I'd just modify it and accept its limitations.
Cheers and thanks for reading,
bolillo
Last edited by bolillo_loco; 10-26-2013 at 02:05 PM..
Reason: No Rhodes scholar here
You really brought her down alright..she wasn't expecting to listen to you for a change. It's good for her. You should try that out more often.
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