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All I really did on my day off today was meditate on the whole thing. To put it forward I really liked Mississippi when I first visited, and coupled with my disappointment with college life I thought I could at least try Ole Miss, or Texas, Tennessee, Montana even, with a major I liked. It seemed tenable, and with the constant opposition from dad about it, only fueled it. So while I floated the possibility with dad and I got "you're not going to n*ggerville" in response, making me reactionary. I just wanted to try a Southern college, it didn't seem to have much harm in it. I'd probably fit in, new friends, big Civil War history, why WOUDLN'T I like it? Life's about experience right? Travel the world? I guess Grad School is far more rigid than that with some fields. Me being unrealistic.
The history major thing was also in a similar respect. When I first started college I was strongarmed into nursing. One failed year later in 2008, I switched over to history, and it seemed to not rock the boat til 2010. Back then I nearly left to UofA, but turns out I received my degree by mistake then. When we got moved into the HUD trailer, the fights picked up in intensity. Being constantly antagonized about changing my major until it blew up into threats. I again became reactionary.
It was that "It'll get better" "Go to a college of your choice" thing that promised things better, while I constantly got handed disappointment. Made it worse. Living with grandma in her last days, my friend dying. His cousin. I just wanted to get away. I was jealous of all my friends who left and apparently lived better lives than they did here. So I tried to force it, and got a few morbid responses from my parents in the process. And then took it out on the lot of you.
I can only take being screamed at so much before I return it only to be called "ungrateful" in return. Yeah I know, my parents are helping pay for my undergrad. That doesn't mean they have the right to compare me to my deadbeat cousins because I failed a math test, or call me a "bro" when I mention Mississippi.
Not even my college advisor could give me a clear answer. And apparently me and dad heard two completely different things when we spoke to her.
I'm sorry, everyone.
Kid....oh gawd, it's tough hon. You're reflecting...and that's good. I'm glad that I waited until reading the entire thread, before responding. Yes. Good idea. Haha....
You're figuring sh*t out....taking in what everyone is saying and seeing the truth of both sides. Yes, there ARE two sides here...for sure. Yeah, technically you want to be an adult, to be free to do what you want to do, explore, FIND happiness, have your independence, AND have your parents' support."
Whoa now...you want your parents' support. See....there's the problem. For one thing, your parents are are clearly still traumatized by their ordeal and neither of them sound like they're in the best of health.
As a parent myself, I will stand by your folks' side. You have yet to prove yourself, as far as being able to hold your head above water, grade-wise. You have a 2.5 cumulative GPA? Fine, you have 3 A's now, but your 4th class...you're trying to bring up to a B!? So...you have a C in one of your courses. I know you get it.
I'm sorry, but you can't ask your parents for their support. You have to show them that you deserve their support. You have to do this on your own. If you want it bad enough, DK, you WILL figure out how to make it happen on your own. That, young man...is how you make things happen for yourself. YOU make it happen.....and you don't do that with C's. Make it happen DK. You have the heart. I believe you can do it.
Cut your folks some slack buddy, because I think they did a pretty good job raising you and they really care for you. You just have some "provin'" to do....first to yourself.
All I really did on my day off today was meditate on the whole thing. To put it forward I really liked Mississippi when I first visited, and coupled with my disappointment with college life I thought I could at least try Ole Miss, or Texas, Tennessee, Montana even, with a major I liked. It seemed tenable, and with the constant opposition from dad about it, only fueled it. So while I floated the possibility with dad and I got "you're not going to n*ggerville" in response, making me reactionary. I just wanted to try a Southern college, it didn't seem to have much harm in it. I'd probably fit in, new friends, big Civil War history, why WOUDLN'T I like it? Life's about experience right? Travel the world? I guess Grad School is far more rigid than that with some fields. Me being unrealistic.
The history major thing was also in a similar respect. When I first started college I was strongarmed into nursing. One failed year later in 2008, I switched over to history, and it seemed to not rock the boat til 2010. Back then I nearly left to UofA, but turns out I received my degree by mistake then. When we got moved into the HUD trailer, the fights picked up in intensity. Being constantly antagonized about changing my major until it blew up into threats. I again became reactionary.
It was that "It'll get better" "Go to a college of your choice" thing that promised things better, while I constantly got handed disappointment. Made it worse. Living with grandma in her last days, my friend dying. His cousin. I just wanted to get away. I was jealous of all my friends who left and apparently lived better lives than they did here. So I tried to force it, and got a few morbid responses from my parents in the process. And then took it out on the lot of you.
I can only take being screamed at so much before I return it only to be called "ungrateful" in return. Yeah I know, my parents are helping pay for my undergrad. That doesn't mean they have the right to compare me to my deadbeat cousins because I failed a math test, or call me a "bro" when I mention Mississippi.
Not even my college advisor could give me a clear answer. And apparently me and dad heard two completely different things when we spoke to her.
I'm sorry, everyone.
You can still do this, just maybe not the way you originally planned. You can for instance wait until you graduate, find a job down south and establish residency while you get experience and learn to support yourself - then you can explore grad school but now at an in-state rate. I just think it's foolish for you to take out $250,000 loans for a degree that's going to get you a job paying $30,000 or $40,000 a year. It doesn't sound like you even have a clear career path figured out or what exactly you plan to do with the degree. You are going to find yourself with an anchor around your ankle that will be with you for the next 30 years if you do this, JMO.
I also have a friend who's daughter graduated with an art degree and wanted to travel and explore, so she joined Americorps AmeriCorps | Corporation for National and Community Service which is like the Peace Corp but operates in the US. She wanted to go to the Pacific Northwest and is now in Portland through the program, and gaining work experience that will go farther toward making her marketable than her degree alone will.
I also want to mention your "disappointing" college experience and want to say changing to a big school like Ole Miss is not going to make you suddenly social or popular if you're not now- the saying "wherever you go, there you are" comes to mind. Exploring something like Americorps can also help you learn to work as a team and make friends. It's easy to fantasize that our lives would be magically better if only we were in a different city, school, etc, but in reality the setting is not as important as what you DO to create the life you want, and IMO that starts with having a real plan vs making impulsive decisions and hoping for the best. If you can't tell your dad concrete plans, "this is the research I've done, and this is the job market that will be open for me, and this is what I plan to do to make myself marketable, and this is how much I will be able to pay back a month in student loans", etc, etc than I can understand why he isn't seeing you as an adult making adult decisions. You can do this, but take the time to do it properly, and by putting in the hard work that will be required to get you the life you want.
Kid....oh gawd, it's tough hon. You're reflecting...and that's good. I'm glad that I waited until reading the entire thread, before responding. Yes. Good idea. Haha....
You're figuring sh*t out....taking in what everyone is saying and seeing the truth of both sides. Yes, there ARE two sides here...for sure. Yeah, technically you want to be an adult, to be free to do what you want to do, explore, FIND happiness, have your independence, AND have your parents' support."
Whoa now...you want your parents' support. See....there's the problem. For one thing, your parents are are clearly still traumatized by their ordeal and neither of them sound like they're in the best of health.
As a parent myself, I will stand by your folks' side. You have yet to prove yourself, as far as being able to hold your head above water, grade-wise. You have a 2.5 cumulative GPA? Fine, you have 3 A's now, but your 4th class...you're trying to bring up to a B!? So...you have a C in one of your courses. I know you get it.
I'm sorry, but you can't ask your parents for their support. You have to show them that you deserve their support. You have to do this on your own. If you want it bad enough, DK, you WILL figure out how to make it happen on your own. That, young man...is how you make things happen for yourself. YOU make it happen.....and you don't do that with C's. Make it happen DK. You have the heart. I believe you can do it.
Cut your folks some slack buddy, because I think they did a pretty good job raising you and they really care for you. You just have some "provin'" to do....first to yourself.
Not so much as support, its ending in May. I could just do without the antagonism towards it from them.
I'm working hard towards it. And I have a far lighter class load this Spring.
I have reconsidered. Desert is never going to make it on his own. All recommendations to get out have been met with a discussion of who he just talked to and what they said. The backbone is not there, and will not magically appear.
My recommendation now is for Desert to join the armed forces. That is the only way for him to get the skills to stand up and take care of himself. Grad school will accomplish precisely nothing for the life of this young man. His parents are manipulative, castrating, and racist, so far, and I'm sure plenty of other not-so-good things. They have rendered him passive, reactionary, and ineffective at dealing with life. Shielding him from life further on some godforsaken campus will simply make it possible and probable that he ends up a 30 year old without the skills to be strong and independent and self-fulfilling.
Desert, the Air Force beckons. It will undo most of the harm that has been done to your spirit, and will make you able to handle that which cannot be undone. I've seen the magic that military service can perform, and you are exactly the type who will benefit.
Of course, you need no one's permission to take this step. Which may be precisely why you are unable to take it...
I have reconsidered. Desert is never going to make it on his own. All recommendations to get out have been met with a discussion of who he just talked to and what they said. The backbone is not there, and will not magically appear.
My recommendation now is for Desert to join the armed forces. That is the only way for him to get the skills to stand up and take care of himself. Grad school will accomplish precisely nothing for the life of this young man. His parents are manipulative, castrating, and racist, so far, and I'm sure plenty of other not-so-good things. They have rendered him passive, reactionary, and ineffective at dealing with life. Shielding him from life further on some godforsaken campus will simply make it possible and probable that he ends up a 30 year old without the skills to be strong and independent and self-fulfilling.
Desert, the Air Force beckons. It will undo most of the harm that has been done to your spirit, and will make you able to handle that which cannot be undone. I've seen the magic that military service can perform, and you are exactly the type who will benefit.
Of course, you need no one's permission to take this step. Which may be precisely why you are unable to take it...
I'm moving out in May. That won't mean that I won't leave this town in a year or two.
I'm moving out in May. That won't mean that I won't leave this town in a year or two.
OK, that's a start. Don't change your mind. Don't waffle. Don't listen to other suggestions. Don't give in to doubt. Move out. Take it from there. I want you to post a picture of your new apartment in May.
OK, that's a start. Don't change your mind. Don't waffle. Don't listen to other suggestions. Don't give in to doubt. Move out. Take it from there. I want you to post a picture of your new apartment in May.
You'll see, oh, you'll see.
But, there is still the possibility that I could move from there soon after. I'm still going to paper all the Universities during the summer.
Where are you going to live and how are you going to pay for it?
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