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I'm getting really worried about my friend who I grew up with and is like a brother to me.
Before he got a really good job about 6 months ago, he was a very nice person. He was always willing to help anyone out when they need. Also he know someone who live on a large private property in mountain that is really neat, so often whenever a group of friends get together, we'd go over there and hang out and stuff.
There, we'd do all kind of things as there's a good climbing spot, place that allows us to have view of city, and lake we can use. We all have been going there for a few years now.
He also was always willing to let people stay at his place if need, giving someone ride, and stuff like that. Just a very nice person all around.
Once he got this job, he has just changed so much.
He's not the same person any more. He doesn't hesitate to stop being friend with anyone for small thing such as flaking or not replying to his text or call
Few weeks ago, one of female friend who use to give him a massage for small amount of money went to him and ask for some extra money in exchange for an extra long massage or do some work around house for him because she need money for winter clothes for herself and her son.
He told her that he have always liked her but she would never give him a chance, so he will take her out for dinner and want to spend a night with her in exchange for winter clothes.
This upset her big time as she had already set the boundary that she doesn't want to ruin friendship with him a while ago.
He have pulled off similar thing with other female friends. He even made it very clear to few of them that he's done with being just a friend and that he expect more.
When confronted about this, he was like "I'm sick of being just a friend with everybody and being treated like nothing more than just a friend" and if we try to tell him he will find someone, he just have to wait and be himself, he get pissed and say he has been too nice.
Other thing he would do is, never agreeing on where to meet. If someone say "hey let meet at Starbuck" He would be like "No we will meet at Peets" or wouldn't agree on the day to meet and make other meet him on the day he chose.
Not long ago, he got a job for his best friend who have been struggling to find a job for almost a year. This friend end up lost the job on his first day. When he tried to call my friend to tell him about it, my friend just hung up on him and refuse to talk to him any more.
Last weekend, he went to a party and saw this girl who flaked on him other day, he saw that she was with another guy. My friend end up arrange for one guy to make this guy that the girl was with mad at my friend. When it happened, this guy went up to my friend and end up got beaten up really bad in front of everybody then mocked the girl for being with a guy that is unable to defend her then walked away.
This is just NOT like him any more. I don't even know what to do and am really upset and worried about him. How can I help him?
People change. It's just the way it is.
It makes sense that it's upsetting to you because you are losing the person you knew and gaining a person you don't know (and possibly don't like).
BUT, who is to say what his true nature is? the way he was before? or the way he is now?
Perhaps he never liked being the other way, but did it because he was too afraid that people won't like him? Perhaps he now decided to act like his true self?
Or perhaps he is just going through different ways of trying to determine who he wants to be.
The main thing is, something is upsetting him. Since he is acting this way, obviously there is either a problem now or there was a problem before but no one knew about it.
Your job (if you want to bother, because this ride may be difficult) is to patiently be there for him and to try to understand him. Instead of judging (which will be useless), figure out why he does what he does. Put yourself in his place, try to see things from his perspective. Ask him. For example, he did say that he was tired of being everyone's friend. And what's wrong with that? He is tired of it. So how can he continue doing the same thing when he is fed up with it? Perhaps the way to fix this is to find a polite way to make a change instead of being rude.
Sometimes when people are suppressing something for a long time, they finally blow up and do it the wrong way just because it was building it for too long.
As to the story about the girl having to sleep with him for winter clothes - my guess is that's not really what happened. More than likely, he just said no to some BS long-massage/winter-clothes money scheme - and then her story grew, until it fit the theme of your "friend" being different and mean to the group (meaning he no longer wants to have your group use him). Why doesn't she just get a job for clothes, etc.?
I would hang up on anyone that managed to get himself fired on Day One of a job I helped secure, too. If that didn't open his eyes, nothing will - but it sounds like he understands now.
As to the story about the girl having to sleep with him for winter clothes - my guess is that's not really what happened. More than likely, he just said no to some BS long-massage/winter-clothes money scheme - and then her story grew, until it fit the theme of your "friend" being different and mean to the group (meaning he no longer wants to have your group use him). Why doesn't she just get a job for clothes, etc.?
I would hang up on anyone that managed to get himself fired on Day One of a job I helped secure, too. If that didn't open his eyes, nothing will - but it sounds like he understands now.
That's my take on it too. Beware of the combination of gossipmongers and people with axes to grind.
Sounds like your friends are a bunch of losers, prostitutes, leaches and slackers.
Your friends are a bunch of bums. After getting a job he found out how normal people act, not the way you and your friends are.
I don't believe the massage for sex story. If he said it he was just giving it a shot. If she did ok. If not he did not want her around anymore anyway. Nothing to lose.
ArtistsAdventure, maybe HE didn't really change...maybe his friends did...once he was making money. Maybe now, instead of coming round just to see him, and spend time...he's expected to "lend", or give money as well..Maybe that's what's turned him off.....Maybe before he enjoyed [offering] to his friends what he could, and now he always gets asked...because he's got money.
He provides you with a great place to meet up together and do neat things. He lets you stay if you need a place. Sounds like a good guy to me....besides your friendship,(something he gives as well) what's HE getting from all you guys.
He provides you with a great place to meet up together and do neat things. He lets you stay if you need a place. Sounds like a good guy to me....besides your friendship,(something he gives as well) what's HE getting from all you guys.
Sounds like he's doing all the giving to me (or he was - and has stopped, creating angst among the "friends').
After reading the original posters accounting of the friendship, be thankful he was nice to you and your group for so long, as I may be wrong, but no where was it mentioned things you or group did for him.
Did you ever bring food when you visited or offer to take him some where in return for his hospitality? I think his behavior is justified.
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