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You will be asked this question by people in China when they know you are single. It is a very common question in China. Chinese have a nosy culture. If you are in middle age and never married, the Chinese think there is something wrong with you. They wonder why no opposite sex are interested in you, or you must have scared the opposite sex away as if you have problems.
Most people in China are married by middle-age. There is a social pressure to get marry, people are usually fine with an average husband or wife, most Chinese are not very picky on choosing a spouse.
Most people in China are married by middle-age. There is a social pressure to get marry, people are usually fine with an average husband or wife, most Chinese are not very picky on choosing a spouse.
How well do those marriages work out, where people aren't very picky? What's the divorce rate in China?
I used to get this question a few times (when I was in 20s-30s) from mostly older women. I quickly adopted a standard reply: Do you know an attractive woman you'd like to introduce me too? Perhaps, a daughter, niece or neighbor?
That usually stopped them. I did go out with one friend of family's friends daughter once, and it was disheartening. Apparently, the main (and sole) qualifier, was that their friends daughter was 'tall' and she had difficulty meeting tall guys. So being 6'2 I was deemed a possible subject. Nothing in common, poor conversationalist, not attractive. The triple crown of dating hell. The few hours (we went to the zoo) went so slow.
I did once - in my late 20s - chance to meet a neighborhood woman a year younger (went to same elementary school and high school and she was attractive and had wonderful personality so I was curious) who asked about my 'status', as she wanted to set me up with a female friend. This woman, whom I met and went out with, was not attractive to me at all. One of those who got the bad genes combo, cause, I met her parents before we went out and interestingly enough both parents were attractive in their own right for their ages and had reasonable facial features. I wondered if she was adopted - but that was the extent of people who asked the OPs question who actually had a reason for asking. Another post earlier mentioned, mostly this is a Q that is meaningless 'fill' when someone can't think of something to say.
The only time I was asked that question frequently was when I was in my twenties and mainly from my fathers side of the family and his friends. My father was old time American born italian and many of his family married in their late teens. His brother, my uncle, was married at 16 to my aunt who was 15 at the time.
A number of times I ran into my fathers Goombah (sp?). As much as People today use that term as a joke, it is no joke to old school Italians. a goombah is more than your best friend, he is like a brother, almost a spouse. A goombah is as close to your family as he is to his own.
He must be treated with respect by your family and your other friends.
After my father passed away, the goombah was often around while I was in college having a good time and looking forward toa life and career. The first words out of his mouth were always "when are you getting married?". Apparently he was very comcerned that I was single at 21 years of age. Far too late in his Italian culture.
I would run into him occassionally as I got into my mid twenties and i got the same question with even more concern and worry. One of the last times I saw him, before he could get the question out, I said no Im not married and , then jokingly said..."what if Im a fenook?". Fenook is Italian slang for gay. Well the look in his face and the clutching of the chest was priceless. i calmed him down, reassuring him I wasnt a dreaded Fenook but said people dont get married so young anymore.
He just shook his head and mumbled something about young people today dont want to get married and have a family.
Those old time Italians...long gone now...but they had their ways.
And the Goombah? He had married young, had a lovely wife and family. Of course he cheated on his wife his whole life. Until the day his adult son ran into him and his girlfriend. I heard it wasnt a pretty scene.
I'm middle aged and divorced and get asked this sometimes. I usually just answer and see where the convo goes. It doesn't bother me. I might even get set up one of these days!
Ha! Great thread. I get it all the time. To people who know me and/or say it in a kind way I tell them the truth - I do well on my own and I'm not so driven to settle down that I'm going to pair up with someone I don't click with just so I can say i have a significant other. Would I like to be in a relationship? Absolutely! But I don't feel such a void without one that I'm going to waste my free time with someone who doesn't make me LOVE being in a relationship.
To the people whom I don't know well, or if they ask in a snarky/snotty manner, I say, "God gave me a 144 IQ and a 23-inch waist, if I had an awesome guy, too, it just wouldn't be fair!"
I was married for 28 years and had a live in GF for 7 after that but have been single for the past 7 or 8 years. I have had coworkers say "Why aren't you dating anyone?" and I say "Why would I give up the perfect life ?" I do EXACTLY what I want ( or don't want) to do every day, I spend all my money on me, and I never have to worry about someone else's baggage or issues.
Some people feel you are somehow incomplete without another human being in your life, but my two Sons are exactly who I want to fill that position. Life is too good this way to screw it up now.
Don
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I do EXACTLY what I want ( or don't want) to do every day, I spend all my money on me, and I never have to worry about someone else's baggage or issues.
