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My mother in law has thrown a 40th birthday party for everyone in the family so far. Well, my 40th is one month away. Right now, my husband and her are not getting along. I am expecting to be left out of this tradition. It is NOT that I want a birthday party. It is about the fact that I would be getting treated differently. We have always had a rocky relationship and when we moved 7 yrs ago due to family issues, she sent birthday cards and money to my husband and our children, but not me. I have never felt welcomed into to the family. My mom and her worked together when I started dating my husband and our mom's despised each other. I was a stay at home wife/mom, she disapproved. Then my sisters-in -law did the same and it was ok. We were bashed by the family for trying to buy the family farm for too low of a price they said, but now my b-i-l bought it for the same price and its ok. Get the point?? Its about how we are treated by them. I know it is a month away yet, I'm not gonna jump the gun and get upset right now. It just came to mind today and I'm wondering what other people would feel/do in that situation.
It sounds like you're going to get upset for being treated, apparently, the way she's always treated you.
The only person that can change any of this you. Have no expectations from her, and she will never disappoint. Over time, you'll get over it.
I speak from experience. My MIL completely "forgot" my 40th birthday. And conveniently forgot it again this year (43), but her daughter saved her butt this time, as she saw it on FB and called her the next day to tell her, and I got a "Happy Belated Birthday" voicemail. She even forgot her granddaughter's 3rd birthday two years ago.
It's typical, it's the standard, and it's disappointing considering my own parents are long gone. But, I know how she is, and it isn't going to get any better, so I just chalk it up to "life is unfair sometimes". As long as my daughters get plenty of attention and love on their birthdays from us, that's all that matters.
I'm just wondering if, in her place if she should be offering it. I dont want it to turn into a resentment of how I was treated differently.
Anyway, my husband is aware that he shouldn't have let this go on so long. He is changing his ways and standing beside me now. He used to be employed by his parents and it was a difficult place to be. His mother is very controlling and used the power of being his employer against him. (none of the other siblings depended on them for their jobs). We are FREEING ourselves of all the crap!
Let's spell out the plain truth: you don't like this woman and she doesn't like you. It is what it is. Is she nice? Nope, doesn't sound like it. But I think you gain nothing from sitting around tallying up all the ways you've been "wronged" because she did this for so and so, that for such and such, etc.
I would be grateful that I didn't have to spend my birthday around people I didn't like. I would have my husband and I go to a nice dinner and do whatever I enjoyed that day--a movie, bowling, whatever. And I wouldn't waste a second wishing for the offer of a birthday party which would mean sitting around with people I hated, awkward moments, drama, and all the other things one doesn't need on their birthday.
That's funny. I am relieved! I guess what I was wondering is do you think it would be proper protocol for her to offer the party? That's all. I know I would decline, and it's not like I want her to ask just so I can reject it. I'm just wondering if, in her place if she should be offering it. I dont want it to turn into a resentment of how I was treated differently.
Anyway, my husband is aware that he shouldn't have let this go on so long. He is changing his ways and standing beside me now. He used to be employed by his parents and it was a difficult place to be. His mother is very controlling and used the power of being his employer against him. (none of the other siblings depended on them for their jobs). We are FREEING ourselves of all the crap!
What protocol? She isn't going to throw you a party, be happy about that. You and your husband plan something now like a weekend away to celebrate your 40th, and let that get back to her.
Beat her to the punch, you already have plans that you made for yourself, so no other birthday plans are needed. By her or anyone else.
She wants you to wait around for a party that isn't going to happen. Don't give her the satisfaction, plan a great birthday for yourself and she can find out about through the grapevine or after the fact.
My mother in law has thrown a 40th birthday party for everyone in the family so far. Well, my 40th is one month away. Right now, my husband and her are not getting along. I am expecting to be left out of this tradition. It is NOT that I want a birthday party. It is about the fact that I would be getting treated differently. We have always had a rocky relationship and when we moved 7 yrs ago due to family issues, she sent birthday cards and money to my husband and our children, but not me. I have never felt welcomed into to the family. My mom and her worked together when I started dating my husband and our mom's despised each other. I was a stay at home wife/mom, she disapproved. Then my sisters-in -law did the same and it was ok. We were bashed by the family for trying to buy the family farm for too low of a price they said, but now my b-i-l bought it for the same price and its ok. Get the point?? Its about how we are treated by them. I know it is a month away yet, I'm not gonna jump the gun and get upset right now. It just came to mind today and I'm wondering what other people would feel/do in that situation.
After reading the bolded parts above, I have no idea why you would even consider that she would throw a 40th party for you.
take the iniative and let it be known, you dont want one,,,, this will take the angst and mystery out of it..
you will celebrate your birthday privately,,
and if they werent going to offer ,,then so what,,,
a heart-less offer is something you dont want..
if you have a family of crows,,, never put yourself in a position to be roadkill
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