Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I don't understand the scenario with the dog woman - she demanded you take care of her dog - you did not respond to her text so you did not agree to do so . . . on what basis would she then EXPECT you to take care of her dog? At the point where she was discussing this, I would say, "You are clearly crazy, as I never told you I would take care of your dog."
The chicken man is just a freak and I also think the cooking/sharing thing is unusual, as well as the rotten chicken incident.
I don't understand the scenario with the dog woman - she demanded you take care of her dog - you did not respond to her text so you did not agree to do so . . . on what basis would she then EXPECT you to take care of her dog? At the point where she was discussing this, I would say, "You are clearly crazy, as I never told you I would take care of your dog."
The chicken man is just a freak and I also think the cooking/sharing thing is unusual, as well as the rotten chicken incident.
This place sounds like Coo Coo's Nest.
Well, there is a smidgen of rationality - or justification - that the dog lady was no doubt relying on to suck me into her little novella. When she got the dog, the management here required her to fill out a form that included who would be responsible for taking care of the dog if she was to die or be admitted to a hospital, etc. I agreed to be that person. Again, responding to one of those...who will take care of my dog if I go to the hospital?.....and stupid me, well, I can do that.
Now, my idea of an "emergency" that required me to look after her dog, would be a scenario where she is hauled off in an ambulance and actually admitted to the hospital. Not when she decides to get dolled up, lets the whole building know she's off to the ER, and drives herself there and back...
If I can find any reasonable thinking here, I would have to guess that she interpreted the agreement to mean that I was available at her every whim whenever she decided to go to the ER. For her, that's often. I can't tell you about how many doctor's appointments she goes to. I even drove her to and from an MRI appointment, because she is claustrophobic and had to be sedated for the MRI. Truly, it goes on and on.
But, even still, why wouldn't she call me? Why would she go around the building asking people if they knew how to reach me, without even trying to reach me first? Then just pop off a text to me? It's beyond wacko.
I am just guessing that in her head, she thought that the form meant that I would be available every time she got a notion to take herself to the ER for an x-ray? So, in her twisted logic, she had a right to expect me to drop my life? Instantly? No matter where I was? Or what I was doing?
But, like I say, right before this happened - like just a couple days before it happened - I started saying "no" to her, and ignoring some of her texts wanting to get together (which always also included some favor).
Anyway, I emailed the office right after her little scene out front, and copied the dog lady on the email, and told them, short and sweet, that I would not be responsible for her or her dog in any way shape or form. They acknowledged my email but told me that a tenant can only change their own file. Then I emailed the dog lady and told her the same thing, and told her not to behave in a hostile manner to me again in private or in public, etc.
The good news is the dog lady only responded with a text saying she went to the office and took me off the form. She hasn't bugged me at all otherwise. She did once mention something about paying off a fine to the county, so maybe she's been in trouble with the law before, so she immediately backed off?
I don't know. But, yes, coo coo's nest.
And if you saw this woman, you wouldn't even guess her to be 50 years old, let alone 60. She's a very mobile, attractive woman. She's no senior about to die, by any stretch of the imagination. She goes dancing every Friday night, dates very regularly. Has a cousin in town - so she's also not without resources, either.
She is also collecting disability, and she does not appear to be disabled in the slightest to me. At least not physically, which is supposedly her disability. She even has a handicap license plate for her car. I wonder if she involves so many people in her medical emergencies and doctor's appointments, etc., to have a bunch of witnesses in case she has to defend her continuing disability? I guess I keep trying to find reason where there isn't any :-) I had a counselor once who told me "you can't reason with unreasonable people."
So, to the previous poster, yes, I thought she could be a good friend, close to my age (she's older), who also has a dog, is mobile... and she can be fun, but unfortunately, she's 90% nuts.
Last edited by NoMoreSnowForMe; 01-23-2014 at 11:27 PM..
Well, there is a smidgen of rationality - or justification - that the dog lady was no doubt relying on to suck me into her little novella. When she got the dog, the management here required her to fill out a form that included who would be responsible for taking care of the dog if she was to die or be admitted to a hospital, etc. I agreed to be that person. Again, responding to one of those...who will take care of my dog if I go to the hospital?.....and stupid me, well, I can do that.
Ah, once more we have a thread in which the OP left out pertinent information.
IMO your problem has nothing to do with moving into a 55+ community or your neighbors but everything to do with your own issues. Appropriately framed, the question would be "I'm a person with issues, who needs help in dealing with my new neighbors, please give advice."
Nothing wrong with that, just own up to it and quit trying to project your problems onto your neighbors.
I think OP has way too much time on hands and non-extinguished thirst for creative writing. Such a drama based on nothing worth a dime to generalize about and pity yourself. Geez, a couple people stepped on your very sensitive toes, how unusual. Co-dependents, whatever in the hell that means, must be coming to get ya. Shrug it off, you will survive.
BTW, saying "NO" is way more acceptable (not speaking of being polite) than simple ignoring someone' request, it was not that insane of a request coming from a resident of a retirement community full of "drama that lonely, bored seniors can create". I could see why some older geezers (and not only) would get upset because people are too busy to spend 5 seconds of their precious senior time concocting a simple "NO". Silence sends a message "you are not worth 5 seconds of my time" and that might get people really upset and cause "drama". I'm younger but I do remember very busy younger people who have no 5 seconds to spare to type a simple reply, I'm a grudge for a reason, those people knew exactly what message they were sending via their silence.
Last edited by RememberMee; 01-24-2014 at 04:37 AM..
Ah, once more we have a thread in which the OP left out pertinent information.
IMO your problem has nothing to do with moving into a 55+ community or your neighbors but everything to do with your own issues. Appropriately framed, the question would be "I'm a person with issues, who needs help in dealing with my new neighbors, please give advice."
Nothing wrong with that, just own up to it and quit trying to project your problems onto your neighbors.
Puts the entire complaint on a different level, doesn't it?
Maybe in several months there will be a thread about how "everybody in this community is so unfriendly and are avoiding me. What a weird place!"
Location: Prince Georges County, MD (formerly Long Island, NY)
1,558 posts, read 2,724,810 times
Reputation: 1652
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hedgehog_Mom
I'm a weirdo magnet too. It's happened to me in several places where we lived. I'm not 55+ so it's mostly people wanting stuff done for their kids...I think part of why it happens to me is that I can do a lot of things that most people my age don't learn how to do anymore. I have a neighbor who sometimes sends her kids over with clothing that she wants mended...the first time I did it because the kid told me a sob story about how she had to go to a party and her mom was going to make her wear it anyhow with her underpants showing. After that I learned not to open the door to them. And then there's the family down the street who decided since I homeschool, they should send their little boy over to play whenever they have a school holiday, for the entire day, even though I don't have any boys and my kids are twice his age. Or the one who showed up on my doorstep one day wanting to know if I could keep her kid while she went to sell plasma (I did watch her kid, figuring she must be desperate if she was selling plasma, but when she got back she told me that's how she adds to her vacation fund).
My husband is a pro at spotting these kinds of people and he'll tell me when he first meets someone whether or not he thinks they'll be a problem. He can't predict the ones who start out good and go downhill though.
Anyhow, the solution to all of it is just to say, "I'm sorry, that's just not possible right now." And when they ask why not, "Because it's just not possible." I don't always manage to do it, if someone has hungry kids and no food I end up helping them. But I get taken advantage of a lot less than I used to.
This is so true! I was homeschooled growing up, and the implication was that we had to be a daycare on school holidays. One time we had like three kids over, which basically rendered it a forced day off from homeschool for us. Like your husband, my dad is good at sniffing these people out.
One time an acquaintance asked my mom to help her out with something regarding her business. My mom said no, because she was swamped with things to do at home. The business lady's kids were grown, and she basically said my mom can't be that busy if she's at home all day and even insinuated that she's being selfish. Now, in my book, asking for free labor is selfish. Said lady got cut off really quickly.
Quote:
Originally Posted by thesefourwalls
You know what touches a nerve about all of this to me? I'm fairly certain that those of us who get taken advantage of truly do want to be friendly and neighborly and share companionship and dinner and what not. But when one is constantly used over and over what choice does one have have but locking the door and drawing the blinds?
It's like you pulled a thought right out of my head! It's crazy, because people like you and I really want to help people and make friends that support each other, but then we get jaded each time we get burned to the point that we swing to the opposite end of the pendulum. You get to the point where you can't take it anymore, and you have to close the proverbial blinds and lock the proverbial door.
For me, that epiphany came when somebody asked me to do something, I said yes, and they said, "I just knew you'd say yes!" That bothered me, honestly. Now, anytime somebody asks me for a favor, I always ask myself, "All things being equal, would this person do the same for me if the roles were reversed?"
My parents always taught me to give a quick no, and a slow yes. You can always call back and say yes, but calling back to say no is harder.
It's funny how some people on this thread think there's something wrong with you, OP. "Funny weird" not "Funny ha ha."
You have moved to a new community and want to get integrated. It's all exciting--meeting new people and developing new friendships. You are putting yourself out there, with the thought that maybe you can live the latter part of your life with a support network made up of your neighbors. Everyone needs a support network, and you are trying to develop yours in the best way--by being generous. And maybe you hope that the generosity will be returned.
But for some people, they see your eagerness and generosity and immediately try to figure out how they can take advantage of it. They have a minimal interest in reciprocating--sure, you get half a chicken out of the deal sometimes, but mostly they just want to take.
I would suggest you continue to be open, but have in your mind a boundary that you will not cross. Once you set that boundary and start saying "No" to people, they will get a clear picture of what your boundaries are. You have the right to live your life the way you want. Sometimes you just want to go to the store alone.
Ah, once more we have a thread in which the OP left out pertinent information.
IMO your problem has nothing to do with moving into a 55+ community or your neighbors but everything to do with your own issues. Appropriately framed, the question would be "I'm a person with issues, who needs help in dealing with my new neighbors, please give advice."
Nothing wrong with that, just own up to it and quit trying to project your problems onto your neighbors.
Oh, baloney! She said right up front that she's working on her boundaries. Good for her.
BTW, saying "NO" is way more acceptable (not speaking of being polite) than simple ignoring someone' request, it was not that insane of a request coming from a resident of a retirement community full of "drama that lonely, bored seniors can create". I could see why some older geezers (and not only) would get upset because people are too busy to spend 5 seconds of their precious senior time concocting a simple "NO". Silence sends a message "you are not worth 5 seconds of my time" and that might get people really upset and cause "drama". I'm younger but I do remember very busy younger people who have no 5 seconds to spare to type a simple reply, I'm a grudge for a reason, those people knew exactly what message they were sending via their silence.
I agree (mostly). It's more kind to respond with a "no" than to ignore. If you have ever been eagerly waiting for a reply and been ignored, you know how it feels. You don't know if that person got busy and forgot to reply, or whether they are ignoring you on purpose or being passive-aggressive. It's just not nice, and kindness prevents hard feelings when there don't need to be any to convey a message.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
