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during my studies my parents always supported me with some money. They never took loans for me or gave me a lot of money (I always had to work to survive) but they gave me some every month.
Then I graduated and they stopped supporting me, obviously. I had a job so I didn't need to. Then I got a job offer from abroad and I decided to take it. My parents tried to convince me not to go and got really angry, but I did so anyway. I was working there for a while, then I got laid off. First I was desperate, then my selfemployment started to work out! I had been trying to make money selfemployed for a while, but then finally 2 months ago, when I got laid off, it started to work out. The payments come really late though, always 60-90 days after earning. So this months I'm really short on money and cannot even pay my rent.
So I asked my parents to lend me money for three weeks, until I get my payment. My mother got really angry and said that she's tired of helping me, that they already gave me enough when I was a student. That she's tired of taking care of me and my stuff. And that she doesn't want to lend me money, even though I said I will give it back to her in three weeks.
My parents are not rich, but they're having a decent life. Both are working full-time in office jobs, own a house , have two cars and plenty of holidays.
What do you guys think? Is my mother right to not help me in this situation? Or should a family help each other with any possible issue? I don't know what to think.
Yes, your parents are correct not to lend you money.
You should set aside some each month for an emergency fund to cover situations like this. You should reduce your expeditures to ensure that you can handle unexpected expenses from time to time.
You should become gainfully employed. I can't tell if you are still abroad or not, but if you are abroad, you are probably in violation of your visa terms. If you've returned to the US, you should get a regular 9-5 job that will support your desired lifestyle, but you should set aside some for retirement and for an emergency fund.
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The payments come really late though, always 60-90 days after earning.
Business, including yours, can't survive if your customers don't pay you on time. You should penalize them by charging a late fee if they are more than 60 days late. It can help to find better clients that pay on-time.
What are you doing about health insurance right now? If you break a leg, do you have yourself covered? What about retirement? Vehicle expenses?
Parents should not be expected to be a quick ATM. Their obligations are done when you become an adult. On an adult level if you did not repay moneys lent in the past then certainly you would not expect a loan in the future. As adults we judge people based on their history. If seems as though you never returned the favor or repaid your past debts thus based on your history you would be a poor risk.
Why am I inmature? I supported myself during studies, I had a job after graduating.. so what? The countey I'm working in has very low salaries, so it wasn't really possible to put something on the side.
And I've never asked my parents for money and I'm not using them as an ATM- I talk to them almost every day, I'm a good daughter and I never asked them for anything. I never lended money to them and I did a lot of things for them. It's not just a taking and taking. You're judging without even knowing me or my family.
But this is an emergency and it's for just three weeks. I wouldn't even hesitate if they needed money and I had the money. I would lend it to them immediately.
There are about a million unanswered questions to ask here:
1) Have you been blowing money like a pimp with a week to live? I realize your answer is going to be 'no,' but they might see things differently.
2) Are they experiencing financial strain themselves?
3) Have you shown prudence by actually saving a little each paycheck?
4) Have you only been coming around when you need some scratch or a hot meal?
And the list goes on and on.
1) Never. Although I had a job and a steady (but low) income, I kept living in a shared apartment. I never made expensive holidays or bought expensive stuff. I never lived over my limits.
2) No. Their debts for the house is paid and they go on vacation many times a year, to fancy places. As I said, they're not rich but they def have money on the side, properties and a great income.
3) A little bit, but I could never pay much because it's a very low paid job.
4) No. I talk to them almost every day and never about things like money. I visit them many times a year. I make them presents.
... and by the way, we're talking about lending me like 600$, not more.
You don't have to live in that country/county. You are choosing to.
This is in direct conflict to post #1, where you say they supported you during your studies.
I paid my life and studies by working 3x a week, but they offered to help me with some money every month. I didn't ask them, they offered it to me and said I don't have to pay it back.
I don't think anyone can tell this without knowing more about the story.
We don't know your spending habits, how responsible you are, and your relationship with them.
On the other hand, I think caring parents aren't going to let you miss paying rent, or not eat, if they have the means to help you. I wouldn't want this for my kid if they are decent people, but it's a VERY fine line, and one that the internet can't help you with.
Edit - Reading the rest of what you wrote, you seem like a decent person, but at the same time $600 is a big chunk of change. I wouldn't expect that from mine without plans to pay them back.
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