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I'm five or so years removed from high school. A lot of the people I went to school with and am now friends with could be considered losers. I consider it (for my friends) more a fault of the current economic climate than that of the individual. It isn't as easy to make a living for one's self as it once was around here, so a lot of these people I know have taken a somewhat resigned role in society. A few are on SSDI, some live at home, some in community college sporadically, others on unemployment without much ambition. I think that these people would be more ambitious if there were more opportunity.
It reminds me of something I heard about peasants in Chinese villages in the countryside after agriculture was further developed there. Apparently, in any given village, you could find a good number of people just sitting around and doing nothing. The same thing is happening here, a poor allocation of human resources.
The funny thing is, few of the people I am talking about actually want to be "losers," but finding the means to change for the better has proved difficult for whatever reason (poverty, low paying work, poor transportation options, disabled and capable of working but SSDI is simpler).
I completely agree that being in a depressed area can lead to negative behaviors that wouldn't otherwise be there. People who otherwise would have had potential can lose all hope when there is no work or they are stuck in poor work. People who should have been productive become losers.
Today's "winner" can be the person whose whole life crashes around them the next week.
The only people I'd deem to be a loser is someone that hurts or unneccessarily burdens others and continues to do so.
The girl in question seems to be psych dependant on her parents and either her mom, dad or both are complicit in it. If her dad works 2 jobs to support that and chooses too or if she were a trust fund kid with millions that's their business.
So, I wouldn't call the gal a loser but she's developed some bad habits and once her dad passes if the money dries up she's going to have to make some big life adjustments, or not.
(a preacher said that all the time when I was a kid)
To me, it's not about what you have or what you've achieved, it's about whether or not you have a longing to be anything better than you are right now, especially when who you are right now and the place that you're in isn't that great. People who have no interest in their future and make no strides towards having a better one because they have no ambitions and no motivation to do anything and are completely apathetic about that fact are losers.
That said, I've only known two people in my life that I'd consider to be losers and have called them such in my mind. I don't really label other people like that otherwise. Everyone's a loser because they're not ninjas.
He has medical conditions. What could you have done that would have changed the outcome??
I don't know. But I do know that I could have had more compassion on him, and that if I had, I wouldn't be dealing with the guilt I feel now about just callously labeling him as a "loser" (even down to his assigned ringtone). I would have been a better person, which would have been better for both of us, if I hadn't been so judgmental.
I'm not saying that he is faultless, or that his wife was faultless either, but the label of "loser" did absolutely no good in this situation.
Do you know anyone whether it be a family member or old friend that can be classified as a "loser"? I believe there is a difference between being just down on your luck and being a "loser".
An old friend of mine is 30 yrs old. She's been going to school since she graduated HS. From community college, local university, local technical schools, the University of Phx you name it. She has yet to get any kind of degree and has never had a job in her life. Still lives at home. Has a curfew and gets an allowance every week. Her parents pay for her car and cell phone bill. I went to school with her and her parents paid for her school (at the community college). She'd drop off the check and just leave. She rarely went to school yet her parents still paid for it. Whats sad about that is, her dad works two full time jobs to pay for everything. (He's also supporting his 2 other adult children as well as their children.. one of them recently had a baby so another mouth to feed) In total theres about 7 adults and 3 kids in their small home.
Everybody just wants to be happy. It's apparent that she is not getting something she needs in order to flourish and so she just does "the best she can under the circumstances". That sometimes puts burdens on others. But it's the way our society is: it doesn't have a place for all the people to be who they are. So some are else where (not where they should be), because there is no where to go (figuratively speaking). When our society figures out a way to have a place for all people with their unique talents, then no one will be slacking up and doing who knows what and being perceived as a loser.
Our society breeds losers because of its disfunctionality. Can't blame individuals, they don't have a place to go "to find themselves" and to shine (do whatever they are best at).
Today's "winner" can be the person whose whole life crashes around them the next week.
I've seen it happen. I have a distant relative who was a multimillionaire, had his own business, bragged about his exotic vacations and Mercedes, really loved to flaunt his wealth..... and then.......
He was sued for everything he was worth. Yeah, he lost big time. Now he just has what is in his IRA, his house, and will be drawing social security in a couple of years. He isn't living in the streets, but his financial status and ego were bumped down several notches.
Even if you have money now, you are just a firing, lawsuit, or catastrophic illness away from financial disaster. It can happen to anyone.
Do you know anyone whether it be a family member or old friend that can be classified as a "loser"? I believe there is a difference between being just down on your luck and being a "loser".
An old friend of mine is 30 yrs old. She's been going to school since she graduated HS. From community college, local university, local technical schools, the University of Phx you name it. She has yet to get any kind of degree and has never had a job in her life. Still lives at home. Has a curfew and gets an allowance every week. Her parents pay for her car and cell phone bill. I went to school with her and her parents paid for her school (at the community college). She'd drop off the check and just leave. She rarely went to school yet her parents still paid for it. Whats sad about that is, her dad works two full time jobs to pay for everything. (He's also supporting his 2 other adult children as well as their children.. one of them recently had a baby so another mouth to feed) In total theres about 7 adults and 3 kids in their small home.
She is a loser and he is a spineless wonder. I do know losers like this though. Mommy and Daddy are still footing the bill for people in their late 20s and early 30s and these are still people who also can't seem to graduate from any sort of schooling.
Well, three years ago I would have said, "Yes, my brother is a loser." In fact, I actually had his ringtone set as the Beck song, "Loser." Yep, every time he called my phone would play "I'm a loser, baby, so why don't you kill me?" And I would chuckle.
He lived several hours away and we rarely saw him. His wife was very unfriendly and he was such a perpetual liar that to be honest, no one in our family particularly liked him and we were all sort of glad he had moved so far away. The weird thing was, he WOULD occasionally call, and he'd ramble on and on about politics and ranting about Da Man and Da System, yada yada yada. Honestly, we all thought of him as a weird jerk.
Then he had a complete psychotic breakdown, and was diagnosed as bipolar and schizophrenic. In the ensuing mess, his wife left him, and he lost his house, his job, his marriage, everything. He was highly medicated and it took months to get his meds right. In one year, he gained 100 pounds and aged probably 20 years. Now he's living in a group home and will probably never live independently again.
I am ashamed every time I think of how I used to get a kick out of his ringtone. I wish I'd been less judgmental and more patient, more assertive about my concerns, more intuitive. Maybe I could have helped him before he completely crashed and burned. Maybe not - but at least I wouldn't feel as ashamed of my dismissive attitude toward him.
This is very touching and sadly true. There are people who are judged as "losers" when, in fact they suffer from a psychiatric disorder. As KathrynAragon has shared, they can sometimes be annoying, and seem as though they are leaches. When in fact, what comes easily for most of us, is an unfathomable maze to them. They are not stupid, and can often have a sense of humor about their inadequacies.
It's so easy to judge others. I can't say that I've never done it myself because I have.
What is more difficult is to have compassion and mercy.
I hate American society's obsession with writing people off, discounting harsh individual circumstances and judging people, many of whom are simply victims of a throwaway and dysfunctional society.
The only losers are bad people and such people can be rich or poor.
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