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I never fully "blossomed" (Still living in the same small town I was born in) so I never really got to experience "going out". Now that I'm in my mid 30s and have next to no friends I'm done for.
I would have really liked to experienced having a normal life (moving out for college, living in a major city.) My college experience was a few months at a local CC before dropping out and working for $10 an hour for the last 15 years.
I'm also a weirdo and a social retard so there never really was any social stuff going on even in my younger days.
Honestly I had more of a social life when I was living out of my car at a truck stop some years ago.
the biggest regrets in life sometimes come at the worst moments,,,,
going out....with friends is drinking and losing good judgement....tho we all want to look back at the good times,,...there are many many times and events people regret for the rest of their lives...
dui- fighting, you wake up in the morning ,,,you are hungover laying next to someone you dont remember,,then it hurts to pee.. oh yeah, fun times..
and,,,you cant find your purse/wallet....and if you do you have no cash and missing 2 credit cards,,,your cell phone is nowhere to be found..
or in todays context,,,,
the next time you log onto facebook, there you are,,a big picture of you dry humping/dancing, with someone you dont recognize....
and then you are thinking, oh chit,,why did i friend half my family ,,,they will never let me live this down
yeah ...good times..
however if you are now a social recluse,,,and go out and let yourself go little by little thats ok,,,
just dont lose your wits about you..
i havent "gone out" in a decade to drink alot and let myself go- i did enough of that when i was younger,,thank god their wasnt youtube back then,,and thank god, i didnt get caught for half the stupid stuff i did or got killed for the dumb chances i took.
the last time even in a bar,,,,was on a work overnight,,, and i refused to pay 6 dollars for a beer,,let alone 8-9 for a mixed drink,,ridiculous!!
I am 27 years old and have been living in NYC 5 years. I used to go out every weekend. Sometimes until 4. I would go bar hopping and meet guys and have a blast, sometimes. But lately I have been more into nice dinners or a drink or two during the week maybe a night out until midnight on the weekend. I am just kind over the getting drunk and going out scene. I like to get up early on my weekends and do things, like go grocery shopping at 9am on Sundays to beat the rush or take an exercise class.
I sometimes feel like I am missing out, as one of my friend circles still does a lot of partying. But when I really think about it, what am I missing besides spending lots of money and maybe getting a random person's phone number.
Anyone else in their late 20's feel like this? Or did you feel like this at my age?
I never went out. I was always one to stay in the home. Then again I'm 41. But when I was your age, even younger, people had to pull me out of the house. Well to be honest I met my wife at 23, so technically I was already into a serious relationship at your age but say, early 20s. Okay perhaps I can't relate.
I will say this. If you get married young the party ends young. You settle down into a social scene of other married couples, or get involved in church or do things around work or other similar interests. A few years in, I wanted independence again; I wanted a social life but didn't want to go out, so I tried to hang out with friends I knew from work. That didn't work so well and I ended up settling down again.
The people that I know that continued to go out, yeah, a lot of that died down by their 30s. It is completely normal. The incentive to hold on a little while longer, because you're single, stretches through into the early 30s, max, but eventually you're more interested in connecting with someone you have more in common with, rather than someone you're attracted to in a club or bar setting.
Bottom line is that we grow and we evolve. There is no real, final stage in life, where we can honestly say that we will never go out again. And I am not necessarily talking about hooking up with people either; just having honest, open dialogue. If you haven't already, you will develop deep friendships with men, and there will not be any pressure for anything to move into a relationship or something more. It will become natural; the twenties are more of a selfish stage where everyone wants something from someone. The thirties are more reflective and existential and in the forties you just want someone's company and companionship. You can be friends easily, with anyone, but those friendships do not mean anything when they don't work out, you just move on.
People who haven't even turned 21 yet are realizing going out is a waste of time - why do that when you have geolocating apps on your phone and meet people who live nearby or develop friendships that way? That's the future...coffee shops, dance clubs, etc...when these kids have never had exposure to that, I doubt they will want to go out in groups as they are legally able to drink. It's just a different culture now. Waiting for the bus, I see that almost everyone is looking at their texts/phones the whole time. And these kids don't have time for nobody. If someone was dying in the street I don't think they'd even notice. I think we are headed for a society of single adults who won't have any kids, or get married, because they missed out on how to socialize in real life. Face to face, you have to have those skills to think on your feet, be able to talk to someone with confidence and get someone's interest. That's easy to do online when you've rehearsed and can just walk away when things get awkward, but it leads to an adulthood of not much. I think someday there will be a lot of 40-50 year olds who've never met anyone, who missed out on socializing, and will have a very tough time even making friends.
I went out a lot even before 21 because I had a fake ID and snuck around. That was fun. Then I turned 21, saw people my own age, and was bored and let down - I'd see the same people over and over again that I had no interest in and wasn't attracted to. Unlike most people as they 'grow up' I did not find anyone to share my life with, but I knew even back then that the clubs or bars weren't the place to find that person. The internet was fun for a while, but as I got more savvy, they would pick up on 'what I was looking for', become that kind of person, then you get close to them and discover they're just acting. In real life, they're a cold fish or they are talking to 50 other people online. You do grow into different interests as you grow older, but being single and without kids does isolate you further - most who are married with kids just have nothing in common with me, and I don't like being friends with a couple.
I am in my late 20's and was NEVER into "going out." I hated college because of the people in the dorms. Stayed in and had very low-key nights every weekend. I went to a bar once, for my friend's 21st birthday, at her request. No idea why she wanted me there. I told her I'd be a boring drag. But she insisted. I was miserable the whole time and literally just hung out in the background waiting for time to pass, praying the rain would convince everyone it was time to leave. I feel like right out of high school I was ready to grow up. Is THAT normal?
It's normal. I would rather spend my money on travel or home improvement now than going out and getting drunk. And drinking makes me feel so awful beyond just one or two now. Not worth it. Sometimes I think hmm, is it lame it's Friday night and I want to go home and watch House of Cards instead of going out? But that's what I want to do! So that's what I do. Do what makes you happy.
I never fully "blossomed" (Still living in the same small town I was born in) so I never really got to experience "going out". Now that I'm in my mid 30s and have next to no friends I'm done for.
I would have really liked to experienced having a normal life (moving out for college, living in a major city.) My college experience was a few months at a local CC before dropping out and working for $10 an hour for the last 15 years.
I'm also a weirdo and a social retard so there never really was any social stuff going on even in my younger days.
Honestly I had more of a social life when I was living out of my car at a truck stop some years ago.
I understand where you're coming from. I don't think I'm a weirdo, but probably a bit socially awkward because I'm an only child, never had many friends, never was a part of a group of friends, was sheltered by strict parents, & have led a pretty solitary life. However, I'm the most genuine, decent, nicest person someone will ever know if they ever got to know me & only my parents & boyfriend know how funny I really am at times.
But everywhere I was, everyone seemed to already have friends or their clique, etc., whether it be at school, work, or church. I was always the one with no one. Back in elementary school was the main time I had some friends. In jr high & HS, I only had 2-3 better friends, but we still never saw each other outside of school & really hung out, went to each other's houses, or talked on the phone. Then there were the classmates I casually knew that I talked to in my classes.
In all of college, I made a grand total of TWO friends, but she died at age 21. We actually talked on the phone sometimes & went a couple places. The other is a lot older than me & we live an hour from each other, so we mainly email each other, but we try to meet maybe once a year. I never lived in any dorms. I commuted from home (where I lived with parents) to school & I've attended 4 colleges in my life.
The last friend I made, I met while on jury duty believe it or not about 5 yrs ago. Her, I & 2 other jurors actually went out to lunch almost daily & that's the first time I was a part of a group, but of course when the case was over, we didn't keep in touch, although I did with one, but that friendship didn't last very long.
I'm not your age, I'm 37. I was a stay-in guy all my life and I didn't do any partying until I was about 32 actually. Then I took it too far. Guess it was like a delayed force in me coming out. I was outdrinking everyone and staying up partying for days. It didn't really get "old" I just got in trouble and had to stop.
I did enjoy it though. But it was destructive and I'm better off just staying home watching Dateline.
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