Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
That sounds like a made up disease name we would call someone we don't like
Oppressive compulsive
My parents had mega problems but that was not on the list
It took me many years to realize my parents weren't 'all there'......
My dad was a selfish man, but I loved him...... right to the end. My mother was different, I thought she was just cruel and evil. It dawned on me just before she died that it was far more complicated than that.
My mother walked out when I was 7, and my sister was 3 years old. I didn't miss her, so that tells you something. I was brought up by the two women my dad lived with. The second of them, who he married when she got pregnant, drove me out of the house when I was 17.
I joined the army because I couldn't figure out what else to do at that young age. My stepmother made me very unwelcome even on rare visits. I understand it better now. My dad was in a difficult position. There was a new baby, and I was causing tension in the relationship. I couldn't see that when I was a teenager. I just felt pushed aside. When I was 19, he told me I couldn't stay at their house while on leave. He said it was "causing too many problems." This left a very bitter taste in my mouth.
I visited my mother when I returned from Cyprus when I was 18. I had seen very little of her since I was 7 years old. Once, she returned for two weeks when I was 12, then she was gone again. I can still see my father crying on the couch after she left. He always loved her.
I wanted a relationship with her. My sister had gone to live with her when she was 10 years old. My stepmother got rid of her first, before me. My sister wasn't allowed to visit my father's house. I didn't know at this time, about the mental abuse my mother was dishing out to her. I remember standing at the window in my mother's apartment, watching my sister come home from school. My mother said she was difficult to deal with.
One of my mother's favourite tricks when dealing with my sister, was, if she was causing problems, was to produce a letter my father wrote her. The letter said he felt my sister would be better off with her mother, than with him. I never saw this letter. My sister knew it word for word, as it was often read out to her. After reading it, my mother would say, "see, even your father didn't want you. I'm stuck with you."
It was a difficult time, my mother got her husband to tell me I wasn't to think I could stay with them when I left the army. This was never going to happen, but she feared it would. This was another rejection which I thought was dealt by him. It dawned on me years later, actually he was just her mouthpiece.
I left the army when I was 21. I rented a house opposite my father's house. I still wanted to have a relationship with him. My stepmother gradually warmed to me when she realized I wasn't going to try to live with them anymore. I got into an early marriage, and gradually improved my standing in my stepmother's eyes. I was just glad the relationship was better. I didn't see my mother for a few years, till her husband died in 1976. I went to see her a few weeks after his death. I felt a bit guilty having kept away. I was angry at her husband for what had been said a few years earlier.
I found her in the pub near her home. This is the same pub she and her husband frequented for many years. I talked to her for a few minutes. Then she said, "don't stay too long David. You're putting him off. "Putting who off?" I replied. My mother pointed at a man at the bar. He was her new boyfriend, who had been a friend of her husband. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. Her husband was barely cold in his grave. I left the pub with my head spinning. I hadn't seen her for a few years, and she was pushing me away in case I put her new boyfriend off. I thought she was just pure evil. By now my sister had told me of what had been going on when she was a child.
My dad's marriage got into difficulties. My stepmother was taking my half sister to her mother's most weekends. Her mother was elderly, and needed care. My dad had met another woman, who he had been seeing on the weekends when he was alone. This had been going on for a few years. He told me about her in 1976. He described his idea of having both her, and my stepmother living in the same house with him. I looked at him as he talked of his plan. All I remember thinking was "he's nuts."
So, I decided my dad wasn't 'all there' by the time I was 23 years old. My mother I thought was just evil. In 1982, my father was living alone. His masterplan never came to pass. My stepmother had left him. While at my home, my dad told me of his plans to try to revive his relationship with my mother. I remembered his crying when the last attempt failed 15 years earlier. I told him, "she'll kill you this time."
For the next 4 years, she tormented him, finally casting him aside at the end of 1986. He was shattered, and broken. For part of that time, he refused to see me, or my children, because I would have nothing to do with my mother. Throughout 1987, he was ill. He died at the end of 1987. He was 55 years old. I had the task of emptying his rented home. He had nothing of real value. In a wardrobe, I discovered a large pile of writing pads, and some unsent letters. The pads were full of half written letters to my mother, and to me. Some were quite long, others just a few lines.
I still have these pads. One of the longer pieces to my mother says, "David warned me you would kill me. I won't see the end of this year." This was written a few months before he died. I had all these papers in my possession when my mother rang me. She said she would be at the funeral to pay her respects. I told her if she came I would drag her out of the church, and there was a good possibility I may kill her. I said down the phone, "don't come. I mean it. You will get badly hurt at the very least. Keep well away from me."
I didn't see her then for almost 10 years. My father's death triggered emotional turmoil in me. My sister had been having breakdowns, and had been confined in mental hospitals. All she wanted to talk with me about was our childhood. It haunted her. My wife and I broke up 3 years after my father's death. I re-married 2 years after. My wife Judy listened to my story. It horrified her. She had a very loving upbringing. She advised me for my own mental good, to go see my mother, and in a calm manner, try to figure her out. The blind hatred was eating me up. So, 45 years of age, I went to see her. I knew I had to find a reason for what she did, and try to understand and if possible, forgive her. For my sake, not hers.
My mother smiled, and invited me in. She behaved like she saw me yesterday. She was now a woman in her late 60s. For the next year or so, I would visit her, and try to coax her to talk of the past, and her version of events. It was difficult, but I felt I was getting somewhere. Then she became ill with cancer. I stopped the questioning. My wife and I then set about looking after her. For the last few weeks of her life, she was in a hospice. We sat with her each night. She talked of her life, and the fun she had after walking out on her children.
The night she died, my wife and I were sat on either side of her bed. My mother was talking of her life again. Suddenly, she said, "I have no regrets." My wife flashed me a look of astonishment across the bed. I just smiled grimly. But suddenly, a great weight was lifted off me. I thought, "she's not bad..... she's mad." It was monumental to me, and I forgave her instantly. All the turmoil, hurt and pain was gone, and it remains so to this day.
So, I was 46 years old before I realized my mother wasn't 'all there.'........
It took me many years to realize my parents weren't 'all there'......
My dad was a selfish man, but I loved him...... right to the end. My mother was different, I thought she was just cruel and evil. It dawned on me just before she died that it was far more complicated than that.
My mother walked out when I was 7, and my sister was 3 years old. I didn't miss her, so that tells you something. I was brought up by the two women my dad lived with. The second of them, who he married when she got pregnant, drove me out of the house when I was 17.
I joined the army because I couldn't figure out what else to do at that young age. My stepmother made me very unwelcome even on rare visits. I understand it better now. My dad was in a difficult position. There was a new baby, and I was causing tension in the relationship. I couldn't see that when I was a teenager. I just felt pushed aside. When I was 19, he told me I couldn't stay at their house while on leave. He said it was "causing too many problems." This left a very bitter taste in my mouth.
I visited my mother when I returned from Cyprus when I was 18. I had seen very little of her since I was 7 years old. Once, she returned for two weeks when I was 12, then she was gone again. I can still see my father crying on the couch after she left. He always loved her.
I wanted a relationship with her. My sister had gone to live with her when she was 10 years old. My stepmother got rid of her first, before me. My sister wasn't allowed to visit my father's house. I didn't know at this time, about the mental abuse my mother was dishing out to her. I remember standing at the window in my mother's apartment, watching my sister come home from school. My mother said she was difficult to deal with.
One of my mother's favourite tricks when dealing with my sister, was, if she was causing problems, was to produce a letter my father wrote her. The letter said he felt my sister would be better off with her mother, than with him. I never saw this letter. My sister knew it word for word, as it was often read out to her. After reading it, my mother would say, "see, even your father didn't want you. I'm stuck with you."
It was a difficult time, my mother got her husband to tell me I wasn't to think I could stay with them when I left the army. This was never going to happen, but she feared it would. This was another rejection which I thought was dealt by him. It dawned on me years later, actually he was just her mouthpiece.
I left the army when I was 21. I rented a house opposite my father's house. I still wanted to have a relationship with him. My stepmother gradually warmed to me when she realized I wasn't going to try to live with them anymore. I got into an early marriage, and gradually improved my standing in my stepmother's eyes. I was just glad the relationship was better. I didn't see my mother for a few years, till her husband died in 1976. I went to see her a few weeks after his death. I felt a bit guilty having kept away. I was angry at her husband for what had been said a few years earlier.
I found her in the pub near her home. This is the same pub she and her husband frequented for many years. I talked to her for a few minutes. Then she said, "don't stay too long David. You're putting him off. "Putting who off?" I replied. My mother pointed at a man at the bar. He was her new boyfriend, who had been a friend of her husband. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. Her husband was barely cold in his grave. I left the pub with my head spinning. I hadn't seen her for a few years, and she was pushing me away in case I put her new boyfriend off. I thought she was just pure evil. By now my sister had told me of what had been going on when she was a child.
My dad's marriage got into difficulties. My stepmother was taking my half sister to her mother's most weekends. Her mother was elderly, and needed care. My dad had met another woman, who he had been seeing on the weekends when he was alone. This had been going on for a few years. He told me about her in 1976. He described his idea of having both her, and my stepmother living in the same house with him. I looked at him as he talked of his plan. All I remember thinking was "he's nuts."
So, I decided my dad wasn't 'all there' by the time I was 23 years old. My mother I thought was just evil. In 1982, my father was living alone. His masterplan never came to pass. My stepmother had left him. While at my home, my dad told me of his plans to try to revive his relationship with my mother. I remembered his crying when the last attempt failed 15 years earlier. I told him, "she'll kill you this time."
For the next 4 years, she tormented him, finally casting him aside at the end of 1986. He was shattered, and broken. For part of that time, he refused to see me, or my children, because I would have nothing to do with my mother. Throughout 1987, he was ill. He died at the end of 1987. He was 55 years old. I had the task of emptying his rented home. He had nothing of real value. In a wardrobe, I discovered a large pile of writing pads, and some unsent letters. The pads were full of half written letters to my mother, and to me. Some were quite long, others just a few lines.
I still have these pads. One of the longer pieces to my mother says, "David warned me you would kill me. I won't see the end of this year." This was written a few months before he died. I had all these papers in my possession when my mother rang me. She said she would be at the funeral to pay her respects. I told her if she came I would drag her out of the church, and there was a good possibility I may kill her. I said down the phone, "don't come. I mean it. You will get badly hurt at the very least. Keep well away from me."
I didn't see her then for almost 10 years. My father's death triggered emotional turmoil in me. My sister had been having breakdowns, and had been confined in mental hospitals. All she wanted to talk with me about was our childhood. It haunted her. My wife and I broke up 3 years after my father's death. I re-married 2 years after. My wife Judy listened to my story. It horrified her. She had a very loving upbringing. She advised me for my own mental good, to go see my mother, and in a calm manner, try to figure her out. The blind hatred was eating me up. So, 45 years of age, I went to see her. I knew I had to find a reason for what she did, and try to understand and if possible, forgive her. For my sake, not hers.
My mother smiled, and invited me in. She behaved like she saw me yesterday. She was now a woman in her late 60s. For the next year or so, I would visit her, and try to coax her to talk of the past, and her version of events. It was difficult, but I felt I was getting somewhere. Then she became ill with cancer. I stopped the questioning. My wife and I then set about looking after her. For the last few weeks of her life, she was in a hospice. We sat with her each night. She talked of her life, and the fun she had after walking out on her children.
The night she died, my wife and I were sat on either side of her bed. My mother was talking of her life again. Suddenly, she said, "I have no regrets." My wife flashed me a look of astonishment across the bed. I just smiled grimly. But suddenly, a great weight was lifted off me. I thought, "she's not bad..... she's mad." It was monumental to me, and I forgave her instantly. All the turmoil, hurt and pain was gone, and it remains so to this day.
So, I was 46 years old before I realized my mother wasn't 'all there.'........
I can understand that it can be trauamtising to get a step mother/father come into your house. I can kind of see how annoying and hurtful that would be. My half siblings were placed in a similar manner but I do see it fron the other side.
They used to give my mum alot of grief and still do alot of the time. My mum is a nice person yet they make her out to be a witch. I am kind of fed up with it and just wish they would grow up (they are 30 now) but they never will.
I always have to bite my tongue as I will make it worse if I say anything. Its very difficult to tolerate.
If my parents couldn't get along i'd probably accept it and accept the new partners. I wouldn't be happy about it but i'd give them the benefit of the doubt.
I wouldn't be nice to them if they tried to tell me to get out of the house though. I'd never give them the grief they gave my mother though and I will never forgive them for that to be honest.
When my brother told me that she'd been drinking "the hard stuff" ever since even HE was born - after I found all the "empties" in one room of the house. But that was only back in about 2008...
I guess I don't understand one of the comments from the original poster.
She stated "If her and her husband move it will only be their name on the deed".
Does this mean the original poster and her husband accepted money or a home from the parents?
If so then the original poster signed up for this ride when she accepted the home or money from the parents and did not pay them back.
As far as the cleaning service goes, if you did not want it you should not have allowed them in your home the first time.
Anytime you accept anything there are going to be strings attached, so quit accepting things, keep your distance, move out of their home and move on with your life.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
