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Lots of glittering generalities. No one scenario fits all situations. You are judging these folks, that you say you know.
You have mentioned several of these situations..Maybe you need some more productive friends, if you see this in a negative light..or some acceptance that what others do, and a reminder that as long as it is mutual it is not really your concern.
Sounds more to me like you are writing a term paper and looking for support for your hypothesis.
Sounds to me like you're judging me and you know NOTHING about me. Maybe you need to become more productive if you see this in a negative light... or some acceptance about what others choose to do, and a reminder that as long as it's not a subject that appeals to you, then what I choose to start a thread about is really not your concern.
This is no term paper assignment. It's called "conversation" on a "forum" about something that I've noticed in the RW and was interested in other people's opinion who may have experienced or is familiar with a similar situation(s). Why a few posters like yourself choose to respond only to "judge" me or berate my observations instead of going to a thread that is more to your liking is beyond me.
I have a friend that has come out of retirement for the third time to fund a daughter's FOURTH degree, as she keeps racking up totally useless degrees that don't excite the job market (and we are in Houston, where that is difficult to do! You have to be creative to dream up majors that junky). Unfortunately, this time will fare no better. In the meantime, he is over 75 and has gone through a lot of their retirement, financing the never-ending tuition bills. It's expensive for parents to fund a student-for-life. She is now over 35 and has never worked.
People only become doormats when they volunteer for the position.
Not sure that is true at all. Many people can be manipulated into a positions - either intentionally by others or through simple happenstance - often before they even realise it themselves - that they can then see no way - or sometimes just no easy way - to get back out of.
Being a truly good parent takes leadership and helpful guidance when truly needed and observed. Buying into bad behavior, or overtly supporting poor decisions by participating in them is symptomatic of a brand of co-dependency not true parental leadership.
Parental leadership is not about "following".....at any age.
A truly good parent's role is not to form a "partnership" with their children....at any age.
If adult children live at home and are not mooching off parents, I don't have a problem with that. That means they need to be contributing *their share* to the household, IMO, or they need to be in school for their *first* Bachelors degree, *first* Masters degree, etc. and taking it seriously or it needs to be a very temporary situation.
Not all moochers live at home.
I know a woman in her 40s (yes, not a typo) whose father makes every excuse in the book for why she just can't get a job. She doesn't live at home, but he pays for much of the cost of her house and most of her and her children's expenses. It would be one thing if her fathers attitude was "she needs to be doing all this for herself, but since she won't, I will." I certainly wouldn't agree, but to each their own. But he actually goes on and on about why she "can't."
Location: East St. Paul 651 forever (or North St. Paul) .
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I guess it's their call. They brought the "kids" into the world, what with whatever they passed on to them with their DNA.
If their kids have some issues (mental or physical or emotional or relationship-wise), and it's genetic, the parents are partly to blame or accept.
At the end of the day it's up to the parents to decide; do they want their children on the street or do they want to accept that they were part of the "child" they brought into the world.
Part of is is due to lack of jobs and the jobs that exist don't really pay living wages. Unless someone studies STEM in college chances are they won't be making enough to move out on their own.
I've got a brother (late 30's), divorced, with a 8 year old son, living at my near 70 year old parents house and he's been there for 6 1/2 YEARS NOW! He doesn't work, is aggressive/defiant to my parents, MAKES my parents take care of HIS kid (because he's too lazy to get out of bed and do it, plus too broke to pay for anything); which is literally sucking the life-health-happiness out of my two parents. The worst part is that they enable it!
They pay his bills, put a roof over his head, his kid's head, pay for all the food his insurance, pay for his cell phone, for a car whenever my brother's junker-of the-week breaks down or gets ticketed/towed away, allow his self pity-parties (all fake/all for show/as it's convenient to his agenda) to get in the way of NORMAL JUDGEMENT and they let him stay!!!??
There are 5 of us brothers in the family, the rest of us are all doing FINE and have been since we left high school, except this one. My own wife & son NEVER get to see their grandparents (we live 4 miles from them), as they're too busy catering to my above mentioned, mooching, lazy, useless brother & taking care of HIS SON. It's pathetic. I don't talk to ANY OF THEM anymore. I had to put my foot down and cut them ALL OFF, as the last 6 1/2 years of watching this B.S. has driven me insane & I just don't care anymore.
I agree with this....
So many 20 something year olds living at home still with their parents....It's failure to launch.
The "kids" are not motivated to achieve any independence or get a real adult life going;
I say the parents in those situations have failed miserably.
I'm 25 and live with my parents but only out of absolute necessity. You have to remember that ALOT of graduates came out school in the middle of the recession with virtually zero job prospects. That being said the only choice these people have is to move back home.
I'm definitely no mooch and hate living with my parents....especially after living on my own for 2 years. But circumstances have made it so that it was my only option. Anyways, I will be leaving soon and hopefully NEVER returning.
I do somewhat agree about making "kids" not motivated. I have other adult siblings at home and they could use a little kick.
I've got a brother (late 30's), divorced, with a 8 year old son, living at my near 70 year old parents house and he's been there for 6 1/2 YEARS NOW! He doesn't work, is aggressive/defiant to my parents, MAKES my parents take care of HIS kid (because he's too lazy to get out of bed and do it, plus too broke to pay for anything); which is literally sucking the life-health-happiness out of my two parents. The worst part is that they enable it!
They pay his bills, put a roof over his head, his kid's head, pay for all the food his insurance, pay for his cell phone, for a car whenever my brother's junker-of the-week breaks down or gets ticketed/towed away, allow his self pity-parties (all fake/all for show/as it's convenient to his agenda) to get in the way of NORMAL JUDGEMENT and they let him stay!!!??
There are 5 of us brothers in the family, the rest of us are all doing FINE and have been since we left high school, except this one. My own wife & son NEVER get to see their grandparents (we live 4 miles from them), as they're too busy catering to my above mentioned, mooching, lazy, useless brother & taking care of HIS SON. It's pathetic. I don't talk to ANY OF THEM anymore. I had to put my foot down and cut them ALL OFF, as the last 6 1/2 years of watching this B.S. has driven me insane & I just don't care anymore.
If that were my bro I'd literally go and beat the hell out of him.
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I'm 25 and live with my parents but only out of absolute necessity. You have to remember that ALOT of graduates came out school in the middle of the recession with virtually zero job prospects. That being said the only choice these people have is to move back home.
