What about this? Abusive parents now ending phone calls and visits with "I/we love you" (siblings, person)
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But sadly, my mother meets the criteria of a sociopath. My mother's not just trying to get attention, but actively seeks to harm others behind the scenes. She doesn't want attention. She wants to harm others for her pleasure. It's amazing to witness even after all these years. I am so glad I am sane! Lol.
Yeah, mine is like that, too. Whenever my brother and I have relented and let her back into out lives, she waits a couple of months and starts doing it again. No more. On her deathbed, she will be trying to do this, with glee. Something sincerely broken there and can't be fixed.
Here's something really creepy that she does: She goes to her church and asks for a family to become involved with, to "help guide them". Then she gets in there and really creates problems for them, like they didn't already have enough. She changes churches, once they have caught on. No, we don't try and warn the church because we never know which one she currently goes to - we would have to maintain contact to know that. Oddly, she thinks she is a really good Christian, doing this. I guess this is what sociopaths have to resort to, once family avoids them.
They're pretending it didn't happen. Makes them feel better, maybe? Who knows. I applaud you for taking the high road. Shows you're made of better stuff than they are.
my parents were not the poster boy model of how parents are supposed to act. mega problems.
but as to your statement they almost ruined my life.
i doubt it
we can blame them for the first 30 years then you are expected to pick up the pieces and make your own stab at living.
i brought them here and took care of them since 1991. still doing it.
this is my one shining accomplishment. to be good to those were were not good to me and do it with love.
Takes a special kind to do that, good for you and be blessed.
Good point. In previous years my parents wouldn't help me when I was underemployed and struggling to buy food. They have an adequate income.
I went through that too...we had $120/month to feed four of us, plus buy toilet paper and that kind of stuff. My mother knew what we were going through and she would show up at dinnertime, eat our food, and want leftovers to take to my dad and my sister. If we said there wasn't enough, she would sit there and beg food off of my children's plates, when they were toddlers.
You should distance yourself before they get old enough to really need you. My sisters moved out of town so they wouldn't have to deal with our parents. I stayed because my mother loves to deny medical care when someone has a problem, and I wanted to be able to check on my dad and make sure he was getting the care he needed, because he's schizophrenic and my mom doesn't believe in getting mental health care. Now my dad has dementia also, but my mom insists he's just pretending to forget things.
Last December, my mom had a bad infection and was in the hospital for two weeks. My dad stayed with me. I took my dad to the hospital and sat with them all day every day for those two weeks. Then the hospital said she could go to a skilled nursing facility or to my house. So I had both of them staying in my house. My dad gets up at 6 am and my mom doesn't go to bed until 4 am and both of them insisted I had to be awake taking care of them whenever they were awake. I was hemorrhaging and couldn't go to the doctor because my mom insisted she was too weak to go anywhere and couldn't be left alone (but she wanted us to drive her to the store to shop every day). Finally my sister came into town. We were in the process of getting my parents packed up to go back to their house with my sister, and I guess my mom was mad that she had to leave, because she told my dad to go into the wrong house. He almost got shot, my neighbor called the police, my husband packed up my mom's stuff fast and told her to leave, and I had to go to the emergency room and get two transfusions.
And the cherry on that little poop sundae? My mom now acts like she's scared to be near my husband and constantly says bad things about him, because he made her go home so I could go to the hospital.
I told my mother she's got to make emergency plans for my dad's care in case she ever gets sick again, because I can't take care of them again. She doesn't believe me though.
My mom says she loves me every time she talks to me now.
Yeah, mine is like that, too. Whenever my brother and I have relented and let her back into out lives, she waits a couple of months and starts doing it again. No more. On her deathbed, she will be trying to do this, with glee. Something sincerely broken there and can't be fixed.
Here's something really creepy that she does: She goes to her church and asks for a family to become involved with, to "help guide them". Then she gets in there and really creates problems for them, like they didn't already have enough. She changes churches, once they have caught on. No, we don't try and warn the church because we never know which one she currently goes to - we would have to maintain contact to know that. Oddly, she thinks she is a really good Christian, doing this. I guess this is what sociopaths have to resort to, once family avoids them.
It shouldn't be funny, but I can't stop laughing. When I think of your mother's "volunteer work", I keep seeing Minnie Castevet, in a new role as 'Family Counselor': Enter Minnie Castevet in Rosemary's Baby - YouTube
And as for "On her deathbed, she will be trying to do this, with glee." I see the ending for the BBC's 1971 serialization of Cousin Bette. The revenge-driven spinster has had a stroke and can only move her eyes. Nevertheless, Bette manages to use her eyes to start an affair between Baron Hulot and her own nurse... thereby obliterating the family's last chance at solvency, thus bankrupting and ruining the family FOREVER. At this point, Bette happily expires, her mission in life accomplished. (skip to around 8:39): Cousin Bette (1971) Episode 5 part 3/3 - YouTube
Last edited by GrandviewGloria; 06-18-2014 at 11:54 PM..
Sounds like they are trying to draw you back in. I know from my own experiences with my parents. You will regret not listening to your instincts! Toxic family dynamics are rarely changed. Don't let them suck you back into the drama and abuse.
I had a pretty rough childhood, but my parents tried their best. I think if they had been abusive, I would've just changed my phone number. I live a thousand miles away, so without a phone number...
If you live far away, you might consider changing your number also.
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