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I recently completed a group assignment, but one of the members did not act as a teammate. In fact, hours before the deadline, she trashed a 6,000-word project outline I wrote after it had been reviewed by the rest of the group and our teacher. As the class worked on their desks around us, she repeated in a loud voice that my writing was “terrible” and that “I’d failed to grasp a basic understanding of the English language”. She then annotated it with her criticisms, most of it in capitals, and I was forced to rewrite it because the group did not want any drama stemming from a confrontation. The girl then disagreed with all of my suggestions for the final project thereafter, even if I pointed out blatant mistakes, and in the end they were kept in.
I had never been treated like this before and nobody else in the team, who I considered friends, openly challenged this behaviour and would not back me up if I did. I walked out for a short while to let off steam because I did not know what to do – I had been ripped apart, I had no support and I wondered if confronting her in public would have made me look bad.
I’ve since learnt that no matter how nice, accommodating or apologetic you are, you can still be the target of bullying behaviour. So what would have been the best thing to do in this situation? Or if something like this happened to you/someone you know, how was it stopped?
You beat them by bullying them back. You should have told them they were in the wrong profession and perhaps they would enjoy being an English professor at the local community college.
(So this is what is called "bullying" these days? No wonder there are so many self-proclaimed "victims" everywhere.)
OP, what you experienced was a strong personality with strong ideas running roughshod over the group. She criticized your work. Oh no. It happens in the workplace every day. You gain techniques for working with these types over time.
Bullying involves targeted verbal, emotional or physical abuse. Remember that before throwing that loaded word around.
So what techniques do you suggest using then? I appreciate that you might not agree with my choice of words, but I am looking for advice on how to deal with this kind of behaviour.
If you feel strongly and you know the other person won't budge, instead of arguing and the atmosphere becoming tense, try suggesting that the issue be put to a vote and you both go with the majority decision. After all, the grades of everyone in the group are affected.
If you feel strongly and you know the other person won't budge, instead of arguing and the atmosphere becoming tense, try suggesting that the issue be put to a vote and you both go with the majority decision. After all, the grades of everyone in the group are affected.
Also, you need to work closely with these types from the beginning of the project. Make them think your ideas are their ideas. Give them ownership of the process, and they will be more accommodating and less defensive. Read some books on negotiation and conflict management.
Most important, stop thinking of yourself as a powerless victim.
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