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Here's the scoop: one of my best friends from college is getting married to an awesome woman who I met last year when he traveled basically across country to check out this neck of the country and visit me. So naturally I would travel cross country back to see him, and go up and down the east coast to see other friends who migrated there. In a heartbeat, 99% of the time barring a few things ... like severe illness (and even then if it was life threatening I'd go do it anyway because if I was gonna die well ... travel list time), family death/marriage, and birth of my own kid.
Which, ironically, is exactly why I'm debating not going. My wife is currently pregnant and by the time their marriage rolls around, she will be exactly 34-35 weeks pregnant. And we'd have to travel cross country in an airplane or by train. And as it turns out I already took about a week off work to go to my brother's wedding earlier this year. And I only get two weeks vacation per year, plus some sick time.
I guess I could take FMLA but that is unpaid and I don't think I could afford it.
So ... two questions really:
1) Is it unreasonable to say I'm not going to my friend's wedding under the circumstances?
2) Would it be a "compensation prize" to go out and visit them next year when the kiddo is say 6-9 months old and we're comfortable taking him traveling?
I think it's perfectly acceptable to miss the wedding.
Send them a nice gift and let your friend know, ahead of time, that your household is getting ready for a new arrival, so you can't make the wedding, but you are very happy for them and lookforward to seeing them in the future...with your new sidekick.
It is reasonable. My husband's own sister missed our wedding because she was 30-something weeks pregnant. It sucks, but there are no hard feelings. I think a visit at a later date would be nice.
It is not only reasonable, it's a no-brainer. Your friend will understand when you explain. Babies do not always arrive on schedule and your wife could deliver anytime from several weeks early to a week or more late. I don't think her doctor or the airlines would let her fly anyway, but no way I would ride a train or plane for more than an hour at that point. It's not really plausible for them to expect you to go by yourself and possibly miss the birth of your own child, so it's simple. I'm sure they would love to meet your little one, so plan a trip for all 3 of you after baby is 6 months old or so.
If your wife isn't having any serious problems with the pregnancy, you may want to just fly out for the wedding by yourself, then return home the next day?
Neither #1or#2 is unreasonable.
Any true friend would understand and be happy for you.
absolutely right. pregnant wife near delivery date comes first and foremost. best friends are second. send a nice gift, and note explaining why you cant make it this year, and let him know that you fully intend to visit next year so he can meet your child.
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