Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I can't even begin to go into the whole story, but my husband and I want to relocate our family (we have a 6 month old baby boy). I have lived in North Carolina my entire 24 years all within 30 minutes of my entire family. I am pretty close with my stepdad and all of my grandmas so I'm kind of holding back from moving because of them. But I also don't have a relationship with my mother and sisters. It's such a long story but they are nasty people who my husband and I don't have anything to do with. For me they are a very strong reason why I need to move away. I've been told you can't run from problems, and this is not what I'm doing at all, I need to get my family away for mental reasons and safety reasons. They cause the biggest dividers between my husband and I, I am on medicine because I can't handle the stress, and they have put my son in harmful situations. And this isn't a recent thing either, I have dealt with it my entire life!! They are jealous that I went to a private college, got married, have a beautiful son, and live a better life. I did something for myself and I have a husband who adores me, let's me stay home, and takes good care of me. I know it's a jealously problem, but I have never thrown any of that in their face, I'm very humble about my life. My husband and I have been together for over two years now and he is so tired of dealing with the junk. A few weeks ago was the final straw for both of us, we both looked at each other and said that's it. I am fine without them, I have gone very long periods without them before. And I am fine with my son not having a relationship with them. My problem is that I'm uneasy about moving from the few family members I do care about and want my son to have a relationship with. My husband made a statement that stuck out to me earlier, I want my son to have a great relationship with his grandparents because I have such a great relationship with mine, but he won't look to his gparents for the type of love and support I did bc he will have parents (us) who will give him that love and raise him (my grandparents had to raise me bc my parents wouldn't step up). That makes sense completely, he won't need that type of relationship with them because he won't need to.
We would love to move to New Hampshire!! My husband has friends that live there and my in-laws live in Rhode Island so we would have someone close by, that's not the main reason we are choosing there, we both love it there!!! I'm just so unsure of moving my son away from some of my family members. He would be 2 when we move (we have to wait for two summers bc of a situation) so he would be young and not be so attached, I feel like that would make it better. But I only want to do what's best for my family and I. I have to protect us and do what's in our best interest. And I promise I only want to do right by my husband and son. My marriage is still young and shouldn't have this type of strain. I shouldn't be medicated because of stress. And if my son was ever put in another situation I would hurt someone. I am praying about it and talking every detail over with my husband, but I need some guidance. Has anyone ever moved far away from family, how did you or your kids take it? Was it the right thing? Did you make new friends fast?
Good luck to you and your family. I'd suggest the two of you start by moving to RI first. And unless the two of you get awesome job offers in NH, then work your way up north gradually. You're going to have your hands full with learning how to deal with New England winters... in regards to driving around and heating bills. RI winters are much milder than NH ones.
Don't consider it "running from" problems. Some family relationships are best managed with a safe distance buffering them. I adore my Mom but she has issues. Lots and lots of issues. I have simply learned to say "your problems are too big for me." I will always be there for a phone call...but we will probably never live in the same state ever again. Don't even get me started on the strain to marriage with troublesome relatives around...I get it all too well! Tell ya what though, I've raised 2 sons moving around quite a lot with a military husband, although now he's out and we've put down some roots...how your child(ren) handle such things has a great deal to do with how you present them. If you are positive and resilient, they will be too, often enough.
Move, if you can afford it and it won't cause any financial ruin to ya, move wherever you want! You can always visit family. In fact if money is good enough, you can set up your vacations and invite only people you want to see. By all means, go and be free! Best wishes!
I've moved away from family, though not quite in your circumstances. If your question is mostly about the emotional/familial ramifications of moving away, I'd agree with miu that you'll get more response in those other forums.
If you assume you are looking at moving and want to debate the merits of NH, or NH vs XYZ place, then sure, this is the right spot. Assuming that is the case, the big issue in NH is that jobs are somewhat hard to come by - the official unemployment rate is low, but I think that's a bit misleading - and cost of living will probably shock you a bit, as will the winter, and possibly the culture.
If your only direct pull to NH is that 'husband has friends there' unless they can hook him up with very good work, it's probably not enough to make a relatively long move to NH worthwhile. My recommendation would be to look at a move that's a bit more middlin' - Richmond is a pretty solid distance from Greensboro, and has a pretty good balance of economy/COL.
I can't even begin to go into the whole story, but my husband and I want to relocate our family (we have a 6 month old baby boy). I have lived in North Carolina my entire 24 years all within 30 minutes of my entire family.
We would love to move to New Hampshire!! My husband has friends that live there and my in-laws live in Rhode Island so we would have someone close by, that's not the main reason we are choosing there, we both love it there!!!
I need some guidance. Has anyone ever moved far away from family, how did you or your kids take it? Was it the right thing? Did you make new friends fast?
(Snipped OP down to the essentials.)
Always mildly surprised by threads like this, the uncertainty posed as a "question," but then again: 1) I'm a guy 2) was young and single when I got away from family who were more of a thorn in my (body part) 3) sought adventure 4) had modest resources, and outstanding prospects, and had nothing whatsoever tying me down 5) had an out: could have gone back, if-needed. Relationships were not "all that bad."
What surprises me is that these threads are more than one paragraph: "We can't deal with meddlesome family anymore, and have decided for the betterment of (ourselves, our children) to leave town. We have jobs lined up (here), and the following resources to facilitate the move, which is estimated to cost X dollars. Looking forward to it very much, and pretty sure this distance will allow us to lead our own lives and reach our own levels of personal achievement."
To wit, in this case, what's the real question? Or is this a therapy thread? I'm genuinely curious.
Yeah, if I was on pills due to dealing with someone unpleasant, it's a good bet I'd have that person or group of people away from me, and my loved ones, in a hurry, too. Come to think if it, my mom may have been on pills to deal with me, see first paragraph above. She mellowed out a lot once I moved 2,250 miles away, permanently.
To the last part, as long as you have plans and prospects consummate with the level of risk being taken to move a "family" 1,500 miles away from toxic extended relatives, by all means go for it. Otherwise, try moving 15 miles away vs. 1,500 and stop answering the phone when goofballs call. Change the number, deal with them on your terms. Not theirs.
"Running away" should be "walking away," btw. Big difference. One is fleeing, with no clues how to survive in the new place, because of imminent harm. The other is deciding "enough" dealing with toxic people and carefully & conscientiously creating a plan for being elsewhere. The latter is how I handled it, at 22, though as-mentioned I was traveling very light and had a layer or two of cushion had it not been entirely successful. I made sure it was, though.
I had built myself a contented life in my hometown in Jersey. I went away to college and came back. When I was 34, I moved - I was not running away from my problems, but by putting my family at a distance, I did enhance my happiness. There is just more for me to enjoy here and the distance from my relatives means I have more time for me.
I think that "running away from your problems" statement is mainly about people who are dealing with significant personality flaws or addictions. Those things will travel with you. But if your problems are linked to your location, it only makes sense for you to move. I did not move away BECAUSE of my family, but when things fell apart in my hometown, it was definitely stressful knowing I might run into them at any time.
As for keeping in touch with relatives, it's not that big a deal. You can call. You can email. You can send cards and letters. You can friend them on facebook. It really has not affected my closeness with my friends and family beyond distancing me a bit from their chaos.
Keep in mind though that New Hampshire has a kind of iffy economy. I spent time up there a couple decades ago, and from what I recall, it was kind of hard for some people to make a living. Also the winters can be AWFUL. But it's not a bad state at all. In any case, you may want to consider other states as well. Delaware, Virginia and Pennsylvania strike me as promising, but that's just my uninformed opinion.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
