Relatives you don't enjoy being around

[artsyguy]

You do have a good point because since I've become a happy hermit I've found myself finding fewer and fewer toxic people.

Now I can focus my energy on the people that smile at me at the grocery store or elsewhere.

Originally Posted by mrstewart

Don't curse yourself!!

[sajae90]

Same with me. I am dreading going to my grandmother's house for Christmas this year. My family is very dysfunctional, and they seem to be getting worst with every passing year. After 7 years of not seeing my family, I decided to visit for Christmas this year. The family is desperately looking for a scapegoat to take the fall for a lot of their dysfunction ( and who better to fill the role than someone who doesn't have the best relationship with her dad and hasn't come around in almost a decade?).

I have been in town for only a week with limited to no contact with various relatives, and already there are issues. My family had a "dinner" for me to attend for being in town. When I decided to skip on the dinner, I had various relatives call me repeatedly trying to "understand" my absence. Then, my toxic aunt (I have three toxic aunts who I try to keep my distance from; one is an alcoholic who has gotten into fist fights with various family members at functions), tried to make a big deal about me staying with her son while in town....apparently she's afraid I am taking "advantage" of him, despite him asking me to stay until New Years, buying him gifts on his birthday, paying for his groceries, and assisting him with paying his rent. When I initially told one of my aunts that I would not be coming to my grandmother's house for Christmas, she told the alcoholic aunt, who in return used this as the reason her son should kick me out of his apartment. Her son (who secretly hates her) refused to kick me out and said he was fine with me staying at his apartment. Of course, this aunt started having an issue with me staying with her son while in town, only after finding out that he dropped out of college and is moving thousands of miles away from her to another state. Here is what I suggest for those who don't want be around toxic people:

Go No-Contact- If you have toxic relatives, more than likely, he/or she has a personality disorder. Cut off contact with the toxic relatives, this means; no communication (text, facebook, letters, phone, etc.). You will also need to watch what you say around the friend's of toxic people. Do not share any personal information about yourself. Trials and tribulations should be kept to yourself.

The next option is to go 'limited-contact'. This means, no communication via, phone, text, letters, etc., but only at large family functions. I'm having a relative call me so we can stay on the phone together the entire time I am at my grandmother's house for Christmas; this does two things; It frightens the toxic people back in their shell, since they don't want to be exposed as the psycho they really are, and two, it will give me an excuse not to hold lengthy conversations with toxic relatives.

[Alottolose]

Both of my Grandmother's are still alive. Both my Grandfather's passed away when I was 5 (24 years ago). One has always lived no more than 30 minutes away from me and the other lives 4 hours driving distance away. Of course I love the one far away for her independence and zest for life and do not get along with the other one. The other one is my Mom's Mom and of course there is the expectation that since she is my maternal Grandmother we need to be close. She has other grandchildren but I'm the offspring of a daughter so a higher expectation was always placed on me. As children, my sister and I were frequently dumped off (in the summers) at her boring house where all she did was criticize us and yell at us for "fighting" (we were playing). My Mom was stay at home until we were older and the whole reason we would either get dumped or all three of us had to spend every day in the summer at her house (my father was working) when all we wanted to was play with our friends, was Grandma was lonely. She never learned to drive, refused to make friends, and simply gave up on enjoying her life after her husband died. I deeply resented her and the hold she had on my mother and her other daughter (my favorite aunt, who never got the chance to move out and couldn't after my Grandfather died, she treats as her indentured servant) for forcing them her into all of games. I could go into it more but she is an unpleasant, demanding, and critical woman who uses guilt as a weapon. To outsiders, she acts as sweet as pie but her family is her property.

I know how I whiny I sound. I have a good life but since this thread is about relatives we don't like, I thought I would share. Grandma was just diagnosed with a form of bone cancer. I had distanced myself from her as soon as I was able (basically when I became a teenager and had a say of how I spent my time) but now I have been visiting her a few times a week, mainly to make things easier on my Mom and Aunt. She still treats her family like her property and I honestly think she will beat this cancer but if she doesn't, I will keep up with the allusion that we are "close" and I feel as though she is a second mother to me (which is what my mother says she thinks of me as.) I guess I owe her that much.