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So, she speaks to her husband privately, and lets him know he was wrong, and has to make things right. On that we agree. He's still sulking. Why should she skip the holiday celebration and keep her child from his grandparents if the issue is her husband?
And that was pretty much the now-absent OP's question. Which apparently isn't all that burning a question to her.
I believe men should be the leaders of their households and therefore ultimately responsible for the decisions that affect the family. He should consult with his wife and consider her input.
Based on the information we do have, her husband may or may not have been wrong and/or pig-headed. Again, I don't think it matters. I still think she should be loyal to him.
Marriage is a partnership, it takes two people to marry, and two people to run a household, most women today will laugh at any man trying to Fred Flintstone, or Ricky Ricardo his way in the house. Anything to do with the household should be discussed by the two adults living in it, forgo those archaic gender roles, a wife is not a sub-ordinate, shes a husbands contemporary. Any man trying to claim male-priviledge, and such is basically representing domestic violence, and no self respecting woman is going to tollerate it, unless that's just her thing.
Anyway, the OP never came back. But if shes paying attention, i dont see the big deal. The husband probably cursed dad out for a reason. Who cares whose house it was in. And if he doesnt want to spend Thanksgiving there, no biggie. My mom is not crazy about her in laws and happily stays home alone for Thankgsgiving when the old man goes to make the obligatory appearances. My mom is just not up for being fake
Marriage is a partnership, it takes two people to marry, and two people to run a household, most women today will laugh at any man trying to Fred Flintstone, or Ricky Ricardo his way in the house. Anything to do with the household should be discussed by the two adults living in it, forgo those archaic gender roles, a wife is not a sub-ordinate, shes a husbands contemporary. Any man trying to claim male-priviledge, and such is basically representing domestic violence, and no self respecting woman is going to tollerate it, unless that's just her thing.
Some of us make mistakes and marry morons like my first husband. Oh, gee, what a GREAT decision-maker and honorable one he turned out to be! I can't help laughing at the very thought of abandoning my REAL family for.. well.. him!
Say that your wife's friend's husband hits herin the eye on purpose and gives her a black eye. You see her and ask her what happened to her eye. Do you think the wife should lie in order to "be loyal" to her husband?
Yes, I do. That's a family matter and no one's business. If she pursues charges against him, that would be different. She would have to involve other people to protect herself.
Quote:
Originally Posted by KathrynAragon
If the wife in the example above reaches the (logical) conclusion that she shouldn't tolerate her husband's abuse anymore, and so she is going to file for divorce and list the true reason - abuse - as the reason for the divorce, is she being disloyal to her spouse?
Once you've decided to end the relationship, I don't think you owe them that loyalty, no.
Marriage is a partnership, it takes two people to marry, and two people to run a household, most women today will laugh at any man trying to Fred Flintstone, or Ricky Ricardo his way in the house. Anything to do with the household should be discussed by the two adults living in it, forgo those archaic gender roles, a wife is not a sub-ordinate, shes a husbands contemporary. Any man trying to claim male-priviledge, and such is basically representing domestic violence, and no self respecting woman is going to tollerate it, unless that's just her thing.
So assuming the leadership position in one's household is akin to domestic violence? I happen to think no self-respecting man would accept anything less.
I once took an Uncle aside in his own home and told him if he got drunk and screwed up the family Thanksgiving Dinner as he had been known to, I was going to take him aside and kick his ass.
He replied well it is my house. I replied I did not care. You hurt people doing what you do and you will not do such in front my new wife.
He behaved.
PS
The wife and I divorced a few years later but the Uncle and I remained friends.
So assuming the leadership position in one's household is akin to domestic violence? I happen to think no self-respecting man would accept anything less.
There is no one leadership position. What do you think a wife is, the secutary of the house, no, both of you lead together, how hard is it to treat a woman as an equal in a relationship, anything less is asinine, yes; running around barking orders, sitting on your throne demanding sandwiches is domestic violence- it's called male-priviledge, a husband is not sole ruler of the house, and when you think you're above your wife authority-wise, it sure is domestic violence, telling a grown ass woman what to do in her own house as if she is a child, making all the dicisions without consult and agreement. Those trophy wives you love so much might be okay with that, but no self-respecting, intelligent, professional woman will be, even Suzy Homemaker would chase you to the doghoise with a skillit, you cannot be bossing around women these days.
Domestic voilence is more than yelling, cursing, and slapping her across the face, this is not the 40's anymore, women are people now, and a wife is no more or less important than her husband, this is the severlth time I've said it, you are both ceos to family inc. The only thing a man rules over in a marriage is his own bank account, and his posesions- to which his wife is none of. Either you'll understand this, or you won't, I feel for your wife being treated like a child in her home.
There is no one leadership position. What do you think a wife is, the secutary of the house, no, both of you lead together, how hard is it to treat a woman as an equal in a relationship, anything less is asinine, yes; running around barking orders, sitting on your throne demanding sandwiches is domestic violence- it's called male-priviledge, a husband is not sole ruler of the house, and when you think you're above your wife authority-wise, it sure is domestic violence, telling a grown ass woman what to do in her own house as if she is a child, making all the dicisions without consult and agreement. Those trophy wives you love so much might be okay with that, but no self-respecting, intelligent, professional woman will be, even Suzy Homemaker would chase you to the doghoise with a skillit, you cannot be bossing around women these days.
Domestic voilence is more than yelling, cursing, and slapping her across the face, this is not the 40's anymore, women are people now, and a wife is no more or less important than her husband, this is the severlth time I've said it, you are both ceos to family inc. The only thing a man rules over in a marriage is his own bank account, and his posesions- to which his wife is none of. Either you'll understand this, or you won't, I feel for your wife being treated like a child in her home.
Whoa, Jax. Relax...Inhale...You have your position, and I have mine. It's OK.
Yes, I believe every man should lead his household. That doesn't mean sitting around, barking orders, waiting for a sandwich. It means taking responsibility and making sacrifices for his family. HE is responsible for supporting and providing for them; HE is responsible for protecting them; HE is responsible for dealing with difficult problems; HE is responsible for the decisions that impact the family. As such, he must have the authority to make those decisions. That means his wife must defer to his judgement as necessary. That doesn't mean her opinion doesn't matter or is to be ignored; quite the opposite. I stated earlier(you must've missed it) that a husband should always consult his wife and consider her input. This is why choosing a good wife is so important. She is going to see things that he wouldn't otherwise see, and help her husband make solid decisions that are going to benefit the entire family.
I also disagree that a married man owns his bank account or his possessions. Every dollar I make belongs to my wife and me equally. I do not decide unilaterally how our money is spent. The needs and wants of our children come first, hers second, mine last. Any good man will always put his wife and children first. Again, you may have a different opinion, but this is the family dynamic that I think works best.
And I must say as well, for you to equate "domestic violence" with a husband demanding a sandwich is a disgusting insult to the women who have dealt with such a situation. Just ask one of them. The contrast between a difficult husband and an abusive one is night and day.
Whoa, Jax. Relax...Inhale...You have your position, and I have mine. It's OK.
Yes, I believe every man should lead his household. That doesn't mean sitting around, barking orders, waiting for a sandwich. It means taking responsibility and making sacrifices for his family. HE is responsible for supporting and providing for them; HE is responsible for protecting them; HE is responsible for dealing with difficult problems; HE is responsible for the decisions that impact the family. As such, he must have the authority to make those decisions. That means his wife must defer to his judgement as necessary. That doesn't mean her opinion doesn't matter or is to be ignored; quite the opposite. I stated earlier(you must've missed it) that a husband should always consult his wife and consider her input. This is why choosing a good wife is so important. She is going to see things that he wouldn't otherwise see, and help her husband make solid decisions that are going to benefit the entire family.
I also disagree that a married man owns his bank account or his possessions. Every dollar I make belongs to my wife and me equally. I do not decide unilaterally how our money is spent. The needs and wants of our children come first, hers second, mine last. Any good man will always put his wife and children first. Again, you may have a different opinion, but this is the family dynamic that I think works best.
And I must say as well, for you to equate "domestic violence" with a husband demanding a sandwich is a disgusting insult to the women who have dealt with such a situation. Just ask one of them. The contrast between a difficult husband and an abusive one is night and day.
I'm trying to find common ground with you here MB. I know my own husband made sacrifices to provide for his family, with a lot of travel involved. And, I'm equally certain he feels responsible for the safety of all of us. And the part about the bank account and possessions? Fine by me.
But that's where it ends. The "good wife" part gives me the creeps. The deferring part does also. I have an equal voice, and sometimes it will not be silenced. I didn't give up anything when I married, I added to my life. Your scenario appears to deflate that.
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